Cruel Jokes
71 cruel jokes and hilarious cruel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cruel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughing is an important part of human nature, but often times a joke can be too cruel. In this article, discover how cruel jokes like April Fools, jokes about orphans and even animals can be taken to an extreme. Read on to understand the implications of these vicious jokes that target the old, custody, autism and more.
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Funniest Cruel Short Jokes
Short cruel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cruel humour may include short hurtful jokes also.
- A context joke Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke. - What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? "Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
- I just found out my grandmother only has one day left to live. And I know this might sound cruel... ...but I'm not paying the ransom. -Anthony Jeselnik
- This is a bit cruel, but one of my favorites: What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The Wheelchair. - Looking back, I now realise how cruel I was, as a child, making our cat play with one of the goldfish. He nearly drowned
- I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA! He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!
- A school shooting breaks out, the shooter kills every kid he sees for being cruel to him, all except one specific 12 year old boy. I guess progeria has it's ups.
- If people don't wish to discuss the cruel existential futility of all human endeavour they shouldn't say.. ...Good Morning in the first place.
- I egged my mate's car in retaliation for a cruel practical joke he played on me. Now the yolk is on him.
- Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ? Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?
Answer: reversion to the mean
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Cruel One Liners
Which cruel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cruel? I can suggest the ones about heartless and vicious.
- Cannibals are often viewed as cruel. But really, there's a lot of human in them.
- My thoughts on anti-abortion: Its a cruel nickname but she has had 4
- Deviled eggs? Is that some kind of cruel yolk?
- What would be a cruel joke to play on Hellen Keller? Leave the plunger in the toilet!
- It was cruel of Mark Addy (Robert Baratheon in GoT) to name his son Paul. Poor laddie.
- My mother's sister is Anti-Abortion it's a cruel nickname but she's had 5
- Well it really is *finals* week. Tell my family I love them. Goodbye cruel world.
- How do you describe a cruel, yet clever, German? They're auschwitty
- I came up with a great pirate joke, but my friend stole it. A cruel Arr-any, m'friends.
- Some people say I'm cruel I named my cat... Pedigree.
- Fate can be a cruel lady. I guess that's why it's called **mis**fortune.
- What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer. - Cruel One Liner Yesterday my uncle slipped into a coma; b**... living the dream!
Cheerful Cruel Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about cruel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cruel pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today i drove past a sign that said "Watch for blind children."
That's very cruel. What's next? Headphones for deaf kids?
Rorschach's Joke
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God is cruel
God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.
The most cruel punishment
A rabbi is out of town on Yom Kippur. Since nobody knows who he is, he decides to play a round of golf. Up in heaven, God sees him and decides to punish the rabbi for his transgression. However, before God does anything, Moses stops him and says, "Let me take care of this.'' God thinks about it for a moment and say "Ok.''
The rabbi tes off on the first hole, and from above, Moses causes the ball to be a perfect hole in one. This is repeated for the second hole, the third hole, in fact, for every hole on the course. The rabbi has hit a perfect game.
God turns to Moses and says "I thought you were going to punish him?'', to which Moses replies, "Who's he going to tell?''
I need ideas for jokes.
I need to play pranks on my friends, its not necessary for it to be cruel, but there is no limitation. Any help would be appreciated.
Cruel joke
A guy has a terrible accident, once he is at the hospital the doctor tells him: "I have bad news and good news." The guy responds tell me the bad news first. The bad news is that I need to amputate your two legs. The good news is that there is a guy outside who wants to buy your jordans...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter can be so cruel...
Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Me: I don't know, what?
Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!
Once there was this cruel maestro.....
He was very cruel and bad. Once as he was backing up his car, he rode over a little girl, killing her, but he didn't care. He was caught and sentenced to death by the electric chair. He was seated in the chair, the switch flipped, he was electrocuted, but amazingly he didn't die. So he was let to live.
After some days as he was backing up his car yet again, he hit another girl killing her instantly. But he didn't care. Again he was caught and sent to the electric chair, he didn't die and let to live.
But now the maestro was a changed man, he left his cruel ways and decided to follow the path of good. But to his bad fortune as he was again backing up his car, he accidentally hit a girl. He rushed her to the hospital but the girl died. Again he was sent to the electric chair, but this time, he died.
Do you know why?
Because at first a bad conductor and the electricity didn't kill him, then he became a good conductor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?
"I wish his hands were made of stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about my cruel psychic Maths teacher called Moe who's great with a s**... rifle?
He's a mean medium, Moe, with range.
wife's insisting to quit job
The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...
I work in a hammer factory.
I can't get over how cruel some people are.
I had some Nickelback tickets on the passenger seat of my car, and I popped into the shop for just five minutes.
When I came back, someone had smashed the window and left two more.
A boy tells his father that humans are cruel
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
Have you heard about this man who took his mother-in-law to the zoo and threw her into the crocodile pool?
He is now being sued by SPCA for being cruel to the crocodiles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Making fun of a short's person height is cruel and requires no ability...
... one could even say it's the lowest form of humour.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A treehouse is cruel...
It's like killing someone and then making their friends hold the dead body.
Why did Cruella De Vil become a scientist?
Because she wanted to wear a lab coat.
What's a cruelly ironic name for a man with spectrophobia?
Amir.
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner
As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.
"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My once thick and luscious hair has thinned considerably. Name ONE thing that I still have going for me."
The husband replies "your eyesight is d**... near perfect."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circumcision is barbaric and cruel
I didn't speak to my parents for a year after I was circumcised.
What did the NFL player say to the comedian after hearing a cruel joke about football?
That was an offensive line, man.
Dadjokes may not be used as a sentence for a crime
They are cruel and unusual pun-ishment.
Me: Do you want to hear the cruel things people are saying about you?
Elephant Man: I'm all ears.
Me: Yes, that's one of them.
I tried to sue the Devil for cruel and unusual punishment
but I lost because, naturally, he had access to the best lawyers in the world.
A cruel joke is when your wife says she wants a divorce.
But than says she was just kidding about it so you have to stay miserable.
People think that my wife and I are cruel for naming our baby girl Siri .
Especially when they know our last name is Russ.
A kid grew up with a inattentive father...
He wasn't around much and didn't really make an effort. Was emotionally distant and at times cruel. But the kid was very close with his sister, brother and mother.
Years go by, he goes to college, goes to grad school and has a great career. He becomes a renowned scientist respected by all.
All the while his father never really making an effort to connect. One day a gala is thrown in his honor and the organizer asks for a photo of his family, so he gives him one.
But the organizer asks: I see your mother and your siblings here. But where is your father?
The man replies oh well he's not really in the picture
One Day A Girl Went To Eat Crawfish With Her Mother
While eating, the girl stopped and asked her mother:
These crawfish aren't going back to be with their families, won't their mothers be worried?
Her mother was shocked by the innocent but cruel question, stopped her hands too. How could anyone take any bite after this?
Luckily, the restaurant owner walked by and saved the day:
Don't worry sweetie, acutally, they ARE with their family.
If Cruella de Vil had a daughter, she would be named Lucy.
Lucy would aid the family business by taking up a logistics division, calling the child company Lucy's Fur.
Cruel march madness Odds
If you want a sure thing in your men's NCAA tournament pool, you'll need to fill out the 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 brackets necessary to guarantee a winner. Just leave yourself *plenty* of time to finish them all*:* if you filled out one bracket every second it would take you 292 billion years to cover all the possibilities.
High school math teachers true-love story....
After being separated for years by cruel fate, the two star-crossed lovers raced towards each other like two freight trains... one leaving Cleveland at 6:30pm and traveling south at 55mph and the other having left Topeka at 4:15pm heading east at 35mph...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God said unto Adam do not cook a kid in its mother's milk, for it is cruel
Ah said Adam... so we are not allowed to eat milk and meat together?
No, listen to me god said. Do not cook a kid in its mother's milk... it is cruel
So we can't even cook milk and meat together? And have to wait between eating each one?
You're not listening says god. Do not *cook a kid* in its mother's milk... *for it is cruel*
Ahhh, then you're saying we should separate all our milk from our meat, and not even have it in the same...
God cut him off you know what, do whatever the h**... you want .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL Vietnam's national currency is the d**....
I mean I've heard of s**... costing an arm and a leg but that just seems cruel.
A man woke up sobbing
"The world is a cruel uncaring void!" he cried. "Pleasure is fleeting but pain is eternal! Hope is a mirage! What cruel God made this reality!?"
Next to him, his wife stirred.
"Oh honey...is it Monday already...?"
