Cruel Jokes

Following is our collection of vicious puns and pageants one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cruel jokes for adults, dirty cruelest jokes and clean creativity dad gags for kids.

The Best Cruel Puns

I can't get over how cruel some people are.

I had some Nickelback tickets on the passenger seat of my car, and I popped into the shop for just five minutes.

When I came back, someone had smashed the window and left two more.

wife's insisting to quit job

The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...

I work in a hammer factory.

Why is North Korea so cruel?

Because it doesn't have a Seoul!

A treehouse is cruel...

It's like killing someone and then making their friends hold the dead body.

A context joke

Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.


An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..

..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.

"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "

They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"

Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"

Rorschach's Joke

**Rorschach's Journal August 24, 2012**

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke.

**Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.**

My daughter can be so cruel...

Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Me: I don't know, what?

Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!

God is cruel

God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.

Rorschach humor

Heard joke once: Man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.

A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.

"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.

The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"

The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."


What is the cruelest thing you can do to a blind person?

'Caution- Hot surface' in braille.

What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer?

"Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

Why is Kim Jong Un cruel?

He doesn't have a Seoul

Why is Kim Jong Un so cruel?

Because he doesn't have a Seoul.

Circumcision is barbaric and cruel

I didn't speak to my parents for a year after I was circumcised.

I just found out my grandmother only has one day left to live. And I know this might sound cruel...

...but I'm not paying the ransom. -Anthony Jeselnik

Why did Cruella De Vil become a scientist?

Because she wanted to wear a lab coat.

This is a bit cruel, but one of my favorites:

What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat?

The Wheelchair.


I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!

He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!

A school shooting breaks out, the shooter kills every kid he sees for being cruel to him, all except one specific 12 year old boy.

I guess progeria has it's ups.

What's a cruelly ironic name for a man with spectrophobia?

Amir.

Making fun of a short's person height is cruel and requires no ability...

... one could even say it's the lowest form of humour.

The cruelest cut

After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything you'd like to discuss?

Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.

That's a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?

Yes, we took a vote … and they're in favor of it 15 to 2.

Cruel March Madness Odds

If you want a sure thing in your men's NCAA tournament pool, you'll need to fill out the 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 brackets necessary to guarantee a winner. Just leave yourself *plenty* of time to finish them all*:* if you filled out one bracket every second it would take you 292 billion years to cover all the possibilities.

If people don't wish to discuss the cruel existential futility of all human endeavour they shouldn't say..

...Good Morning in the first place.

I egged my mate's car in retaliation for a cruel practical joke he played on me.

Now the yolk is on him.

Cruel joke

A guy has a terrible accident, once he is at the hospital the doctor tells him: "I have bad news and good news." The guy responds tell me the bad news first. The bad news is that I need to amputate your two legs. The good news is that there is a guy outside who wants to buy your jordans...

My thoughts on anti-abortion:

Its a cruel nickname but she has had 4

Deviled eggs?

Is that some kind of cruel yolk?

Fate can be a cruel lady.

I guess that's why it's called **mis**fortune.

What would be a cruel joke to play on Hellen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

High school math teachers true-love story....

After being separated for years by cruel fate, the two star-crossed lovers raced towards each other like two freight trains... one leaving Cleveland at 6:30pm and traveling south at 55mph and the other having left Topeka at 4:15pm heading east at 35mph...

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Answer: reversion to the mean

One Day A Girl Went To Eat Crawfish With Her Mother

While eating, the girl stopped and asked her mother:

These crawfish aren't going back to be with their families, won't their mothers be worried?

Her mother was shocked by the innocent but cruel question, stopped her hands too. How could anyone take any bite after this?

Luckily, the restaurant owner walked by and saved the day:

Don't worry sweetie, acutally, they ARE with their family.

What do you call the process of mentally breaking a cruel Mexican criminal using his only sons?

Cracking open a cold Juan with the boys.

If Cruella de Vil had a daughter, she would be named Lucy.

Lucy would aid the family business by taking up a logistics division, calling the child company Lucy's Fur.

Today i drove past a sign that said "Watch for blind children."

That's very cruel. What's next? Headphones for deaf kids?

It was cruel of Mark Addy (Robert Baratheon in GoT) to name his son Paul.

Poor laddie.

People think that my wife and I are cruel for naming our baby girl Siri .

Especially when they know our last name is Russ.

How do you describe a cruel, yet clever, German? [OC]

They're auschwitty

Well it really is *finals* week.

Tell my family I love them. Goodbye cruel world.

I need ideas for jokes.

I need to play pranks on my friends, its not necessary for it to be cruel, but there is no limitation. Any help would be appreciated.

A cruel joke is when your wife says she wants a divorce.

But than says she was just kidding about it so you have to stay miserable.

Cruel One Liner

Yesterday my uncle slipped into a coma; bastards living the dream!

I tried to sue the Devil for cruel and unusual punishment

but I lost because, naturally, he had access to the best lawyers in the world.

Me: Do you want to hear the cruel things people are saying about you?

Elephant Man: I'm all ears.

Me: Yes, that's one of them.

There is an abundance of tish jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 47 funniest jokes and cruel puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any chads witze you can hear about cruel.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes