Crows Jokes

What are some Crows jokes?

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up.

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

I called the police to report a murder in my front yard but they refused to respond

They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself

What do you call two crows sitting in a tree?

Attempted murder

What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

A little known fact...

Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.

What is the difference between a raven and a crow??

Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.

So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion

What kind of crows stick together?

velcrows

What do you call a group of crows who see food?

A tempted murder.

I'll see myself out now.

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?

A murder most fowl.

(I'll see myself out...)

A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office...

When his secretary comes in and says "Sir, there's a man here to see you who thinks he's a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it."

And the psychiatrist replied "Doris! Are you asking me to commit a murder!?"

It's only a murder of crows...

... if there's probable caws.

A joke for the cerebral...What do you call it when a bunch of crows agree to meet later?

Premeditated murder.

A man tried to keep two crows illegally as pets!

He was arrested for attempted murder.

The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

Ravens

Humorous story from the web:

Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

My friend hated crows so much that he wanted to kill them. One time, I caught him staring intensely at a group of crows...

You could see the murder in his eyes.

If a group of crows is a murder...

...then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

A recent study on crow deaths

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.


The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.


When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin?

*A tempted murder*

A herd of cattle... A murder of crows...

...a migraine of children...

So a crow sits alone in a park...

A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, and once again they begin to talk for a while. The three crows would chat back and forth until another crow would fly by, where they would turn their focus on getting the other crows to land on the bench. Occasionally one would land only to fly away a couple minutes later. This would continue on and off for a few hours before multiple police suddenly arrive and arrest the crows for attempted murder.

Two crows are loitering in the park; why did they get arrested?

Attempted murder.

A woman is looking at herself in the mirror

"Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."

Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."

A group of crows is called a murder of crows....

A group of crows aligned evenly to both margins is justified murder.

What's the difference between a rooster and a nymphomaniac?

The rooster crows : **"Cock-a-doodle-doo"**

The nymphomaniac goes :**"Any-Cock-will-dooo"**

Tell this as a real story, and you will get a groan out of pretty much everybody.

About 200 dead crows were found near Regina, and
there was concern for Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the
remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the
crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car
impact. The Province then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine
the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out Crow" in a nearby
tree, to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow
could say "Cah," but he could not say, "Truck."

Many ravens are called a congress...

Owls are a parliament, eagles are a convocation and crows are a murder.

Does this mean that a group of vultures are a corporation?

Dead crows

There were many dead crows on highways in the Rocky Mountains this year. Ornithologists suspected it was due to vehicles hitting the crows.

This was surprising because crows have adapted to feeding on carcasses by having two birds watching from the trees while two birds feed. If there is a vehicle coming, two crows will shout out so the other birds can fly away.

After analyzing the car chips left on the crows, it was found that 80% of crows killed by trucks and only 20% were killed by cars.

Turns out crows are really good at yelling "caw caw caw" and not good at yelling "truck truck truck".

Difference between Ravens and Crows

I work in a gift-shop up in southeast Alaska. Our store is right under a tree that houses a family of angry crows. Tourists often ask me how I can tell the difference between ravens and crows. I tell them this:

"All birds have specialized tail feathers that help with flight in Alaska's thin, cold air. These feathers are called pinions. If you look closely you can tell that ravens have four of these feathers while crows only have three. I guess you could say it's just a matter of a pinion."

Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?

He committed a murder.

What do you call a flock of crows eyeing a cake?

A tempted murder.

My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.

Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."

I like the way you think.

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Listen carefully; four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny: "One is shot. The others fly away. There are none left."

Teacher: "Well, that isn't the right answer. But I like the way you think."

Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask you a question?"

Teacher: "Sure."

Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream shop. One is licking, one is biting, and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."

Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

Two crows are in jail. What are they in for?

Attempted Murder

What do you call a group of politically similar crows?

A cawcus

If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles?

The British Parliament

What do you call ravens trying to marry crows.

Conspiracy to commit murder.

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their buddies are up in the trees yelling caaaawr caaawr caaawr.

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by trucks, but they manage to avoid being hit by passenger cars. Since crows are scavengers they eat roadkill and are often in large groups on the roads. Being social animals, they are somewhat organized and one or two birds always serve as lookouts to warn the others of danger. The MDEP found that the problem is that although all the Bostonian crows can call out "cah!" none of them can call out "truck!"

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are three ladies sitting on a bench eating a lollipop. The first one licks the lollipop, the second one sucks on it, and the third one bites it. Which one of them is married?
The teacher starts blushing and answers: "The one that's sucking on it."
"The correct answer is the one wearing a wedding ring, but I like the way you think."

What do you call 2 Crows sat on a branch?

attempted murder.

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?

It was Mass murder

I tried to get a group of crows together but they wouldn't cooperate.

It was an attempted murder.

What does your future and a group of crows have in common?

A murder

i told the police that there was a murder of crows on my front lawn but nobody came.

So much for lawn order.

I nearly ran over a couple of crows with my car today.

It was almost a murder.

Boston's dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .

The difference between birds

A new study from a renowned bird journal found the difference between crows and ravens.

Apparently, aside from size, their wings are made differently. The common crow has six pinions per wing, while the raven has only five.

The conclusion: It is only a difference of a pinion.

A group of naturalists found hundreds of dead crows near highways. They began investigating.

They brought an Ornithologist in, who discovered that 90% had been killed by trucks. After some study, they figured out that it was because the crows could say "Caw!" but not "Truck!"

I witnessed a murder in the park last night and called 911

They told me to stop calling and leave the crows alone.

A group of crows framed my friend, ultimately leading to his death

I swear I'll find the murder who criminalized him!

I saw a murder today

It was awesome. There must've been 50 crows in it.

So I saw a study online...

Apparently a bunch of crows have been dying lately. One ornithologist linked their deaths to vehicles, whether it's them running into the vehicle, or the crows not moving out of the way.

An ornithologist for one university actually took it further, he wanted to know whether the majority of deaths were caused by trucks or by cars. The research showed that about 95% of the deaths were caused by trucks and 5% were by cars.

The study showed that most drivers in cars were actually able to avoid the crows, while trucks had trouble doing so. This is because crows at the last second were able to yell out "Cah Cah" but no crow could yell out "Truck"

I saw a murder once

I've never seen so many crows at one time!

Why do you never see crows as road kill?

Because when a car comes by they yell: Caw Caw Caw!

What do you call a group of crows dressed as geese?

A murder most fowl

A group of crows is called a murder, a group of cows is called a herd. What do you call a group of lesbians?

...a lick.

Why do crows never get hit by cars?

Because their buddies warn them -- caw, caw, caw!!

Jokes/Puns!

1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.

2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.

3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.

4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.

5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.

6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.

What do you call a bear covered in a bunch of crows?

A grizzly murder

What happened to the man who sent a group of crows to the insane asylum?

He went to jail because he commit a murder.

A group of crows killed an innocent person

It really was a murder scene

Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows?

Because someone said there was a "murder".

Two crows were sitting on a bench...

They were arrested for attempted murder.

Did you hear about the flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage?

It was a murder most foul.

What do you call a pair of crows?

An attempted murder.

Names for groups of animals

We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, murder of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:

construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers

A farmer finds a bunch of dead birds in his fields...

He figured it must of been a murder of crows

The policeman looked at the tree with the hanging dead body. "It's a murder", he shouted.

The crows flew away.

What does an angry narcissist and a rooster have in common?

When a rooster crows, their hearing closes off so they don't damage their hearing. The narcissist does the same when yelling.

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because we kept forgetting something at home, along the way running over more crows.

I told her this joke, she didn't think it was too funny. My other daughter thought it was funny though. Now she keeps walking around saying "Caaaaw the caaaaaawps" in a high crowy voice. I'll regret telling her the joke by the end of the day.

What do you call a bunch of crows that go to church?

A mass murder

I saw an attempted Murder today.

Just 2 or 3 crows; not a lot to make it a murder

How to make Crows jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Crows to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Crows? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Crows pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes