crown Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious crown puns

In breaking news, Triple Crown winner Justify has turned down an invitation to White House.

.When asked why he answered, If I wanted to see a horse's ass, I would have finished second.

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My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

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Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(β€’_β€’)

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

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In *da* pendent

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Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

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My niece dropped this joke on me today: Why did the king go to the dentist?

He needed to get a new crown

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I understand why Jesus was crucified

But the crown of thorns is a real head scratcher.

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Grandma

My grandmother died in 1975, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store on Brunswick Street , the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk…
Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 10. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.
And remember always this thing, she said. Be sure you marry a woman with small hands.
How come, Grandma? I asked her. She answered in her soft voice..
Makes your dick look bigger.

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A grandfather and grandson go to a shopping mall...

All of a sudden the grandson turns around and looks around and realizes he can't find his grandpa. A security guard comes up to this little boy and asks...
"Can I help you boy?"
The little boy reply's "I cant find my grandpa!"
So then the security guard asks "Well, whats his name?"
"Um, GRANDPA"
So then the guard ask's, "OK, Well, whats he like?"
The little boy stands there and thinks for a few seconds and says "Crown Royal Whisky, and ladies with big tits."


My Grandma told me this joke a few years ago, it's my favorite!

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To take her mind off being mistakenly judged Miss Universe,Miss Columbia went to get her teeth whitened..

The Dentist told her she needs a crown.

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A Limerick

There once was a man from Port Crown

Who went to a doctor in town.

The doc gave to he

A sup-po-si-to-ry.

"I will not take this sitting down!"

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Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing the belt.

They walk along and see a sign: "Contest for World's Greatest Liar." Pinocchio goes in, later comes out with his head down crying.

"Who the hell is Mitt Romney?" Pinocchio sobs.

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Princess Diana goes to heaven...

Princess Diana goes to heaven and meets St. Peter. He says to her: Here in heaven we are all equal, so you need to take off the crown. She replies: This is not a crown, it's a rim

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A little political humor I found today

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing the belt.

They walk along and see a sign: "Contest for World's Greatest Liar." Pinocchio goes in, later comes out with his head down crying.

"Who the hell is Mitt Romney?" Pinocchio sobs.

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Dentist: "You need a crown."

Dentist: "You need a crown."
-
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"

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3 ninjas try to impress a crowd with only a sword and a fly

There are 3 ninja masters in front of an audience of thousands of people. The first ninja released his fly, drew his sword and cut his fly into 100 even pieces and the crown goes crazy for him. The second ninja releases his fly and then puts his hand over his eye and cuts the fly in half. Again, the crowd goes crazy. The third ninja released his fly, swung his sword at it, and it looked like he missed my a microscopic amount. The crowd was silent. A man in the audience yells, "so you missed, right?" And the ninja quickly replies, "well not really, I kept him alive, however he will never be able to have children".

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What did the court jester call the balding crown prince?

The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.

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Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

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My friend John went to a psychic

He was really skeptical about it at first but seeing his friends getting happier after seances he decided to give it a try. Next day he finally met the psychic. She was a woman in her mid thirties wearing some kind of rags and a crown made out of plastic. She got out a crystal ball and started looking at John's future. Suddenly, she started laughing uncontrollably. John got furious and punched her in the nose.

It was the first time John had ever struck a happy medium.

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The dentist told me I need a crown.

I'm like, "I know, right?!"

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American Pharoah wins the Triple Crown, this is a historic moment...

It's been 37 years since someone owned horse semen this valuable.

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When asked if he will accept Trump's invitation to the White House, Triple Crown winner Justify said

Neigh.

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The villagers mourned the king and his jester after an unfortunate sewage accident.

The town casts down frowns when their crown and his clown drowned in the brown.

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Triple Crown winner Justify reportedly turns down Trump's White House invitation

replying, "If I wanted to see a horse's ass, I would've came in 2nd"

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[NSFW] A knight won a jousting tournament

The princess hosting the tournament said "For winning the joust, I shall reward you according to how your name sounds"

The knight replied "Are you sure milady?"

The princess answered "Of course! The previous winner, Silvers Crowne was granted a silver crown like what his name sounds. Now, tell me your name champion."

The knight proudly announced "Milady, my name is Sir Pryce Eynil!!"

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Cat Race

In a competitive but fun way to decide which nation was better, Britain and France decided to have a cat race. The French cat was called un deux trois, and the British cat called one two three. Whichever cat made it across the British channel first would win and by doing so would crown their nation superior to the other.

Well, the race started out fairly slowly, but soon things picked up. One two three cat was very fast and easily made it across the channel first, winning the race. Unfortunately, une deux trois quatre cinq.

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Roses are red, The Queen wears a crown...

...Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!

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Tinfoil: Viserys Targaryen is a hipster.

He wore a crown before it was cool.

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After carefully examining me for 10 minutes, the dentist said I need a crown...

I was like, "I know, right?"

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Justify, the horse who won the Triple Crown, was invited to the White House by President Trump.

He turned down the invitation, saying "if I wanted to see a horse's ass up close I would've come in second."

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Headline: "American Pharoah Wins 1st Triple Crown Title Since 1978"

That is one long-lived horse.

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Miss Colombia was offered $1,000,000 to do porn

From diamond crown to pearl necklace.

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Why did Henry VII's bid for the English crown cost so much to insure?

It was a Tudor coup

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There used to be a superhero that could turn into furniture and wore a crown...

He was sofa king cool.

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What vapes do the King and Queen of England use?

Crown Juuls

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Triple Crown

Did you hear the jockey for Justify (triple crown winner) turned down an invitation to the White House? Said if he wanted to look at a horses ass he would have come in second place!

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What are the most funny Crown jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Crown? Well, here are the best Crown dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Crown pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes