crow Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious crow puns

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

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If a stork brings white babies and a crow brings black babies, what type of bird brings no babies?

A swallow

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If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow brings bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow.

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Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

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What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

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What is the difference between a raven and a crow??

Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.

So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion

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I witnessed an attempted murder earlier...

Luckily only one crow showed up...

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I almost witnessed a murder

Luckily, only one crow showed up.

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If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies?

A Swallow

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Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"

Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"



Then he beats him to death.

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In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

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The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

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Corporate Lessons

**Lesson No. 1**

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing at all the whole day?"

The crow answered: ""Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, leapt on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.*


**Lesson No. 2**

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings," replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, he proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral: *Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.*

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I witnessed an attempted murder yesterday.

Luckily, only one crow showed up.

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In a crowded city…

at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. Β As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.Β 

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.Β 

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.Β 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.Β 

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.Β 

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.Β 

She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"Β 

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"Β 

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I saw a crow on a tree outside my house today...

Another two landed briefly but then flew away again.

It was an attempted murder.

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A recent study on crow deaths

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.


The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.


When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

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So a crow sits alone in a park...

A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, and once again they begin to talk for a while. The three crows would chat back and forth until another crow would fly by, where they would turn their focus on getting the other crows to land on the bench. Occasionally one would land only to fly away a couple minutes later. This would continue on and off for a few hours before multiple police suddenly arrive and arrest the crows for attempted murder.

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Two crows are loitering in the park; why did they get arrested?

Attempted murder.

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What do you call a crow whose looking for friends ?

An attempted murder.

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I was woken up at 5am by a crow...

It just wouldn't stop cawing. After an hour I felt like shooting the damned thing! Then another crow joined it and they started to have a jolly old conversation. I wanted to blow both their heads off! One more crow and there definitely would've been a murder.

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What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?

A hybrid

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So a crow is in the woods...

Perched on top of a tree and is relaxing smoking weed. A lizard nearby smells it an looks up and sees this crow way up on the top of this tree. So the lizard asks "hey! Wanna share?"
"Sure I don't mind, come on up"replies the crow.
"Great but let me go get some water first, one sec." Said the lizard.
So the lizard goes over to the lake nearby and sees this alligator and tells him what he was about to go do and where this crow was at in case he wanted to join. Anticipating getting the munchies, the alligator eats the lizard and goes over to the crow is at and yells up "hey!"
The crow looks down and says "Jesus Christ!!! How much water did you drink!!!!!

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I was on a very crowded bus...

I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a zimmer frane gets on. All the other passengers proceed to file on and take up the remaining standing places but she stands close to me, staring me in the eyes. After 5 minutes of this, I kindly ask, 'may I help you?'
She replies, "yes, I have been waiting here for 5 minutes now and you have not offered to give me your seat"
"Can you give me a good reason why I should?"
"I can give you 5. I am an old woman of 86, I have near paralysis in my left leg, a hip that has been replaced twice, my husband died 3 days ago and every second I stand up is pure agony. Can you give me as many reasons why you deserve the seat more?"
"Sadly, only one. I'm the fucking driver."


Yes I got this from an email chain, no shame!

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what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

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Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

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If a stork delivers white babies, and a crow delivers black babies, what kind of bird delivers no babies?

A swallow.

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Why don't you ever see a crow roadkill

Because there is always another one in the tree yelling, "CAWR CAWR!"

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Did Russell Crow feel bad after he ate his wife?

Nah! He was Gladiator!

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What does a crow with a cold sound like?

Caw-ph, Caw-ph, caw-ph.

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Two crows are in jail. What are they in for?

Attempted Murder

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How do the greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

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So apparently crows can tell humans apart from one another and even warn other crows of which humans to avoid...

The one crow says to the other, "avoid that guy who's been standing In the field all day. He's got a stick up his ass.

(Pieced together from comments in the TIL about crows)

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How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their buddies are up in the trees yelling caaaawr caaawr caaawr.

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Why was the crow bitter about his job?

They fired him with no caws.

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What are the most funny Crow jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Crow? Well, here are the best Crow dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Crow pick up lines to share with friends.

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