Crow Jokes

Following is our collection of magpie humor and caw one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Crow puns for adults, dirty chirp jokes or clean beaks gags for kids.

There is an abundance of roadkill jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes on crow. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any owl witze you can hear about crow.

The Best jokes about Crow

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow brings bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

What is the difference between a raven and a crow??

Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.

So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion

I witnessed an attempted murder earlier...

Luckily only one crow showed up...

I almost witnessed a murder

Luckily, only one crow showed up.

If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies?

A Swallow

Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"

Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"



Then he beats him to death.


In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

Corporate Lessons

**Lesson No. 1**

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing at all the whole day?"

The crow answered: ""Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, leapt on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.*


**Lesson No. 2**

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings," replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, he proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral: *Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.*

In a crowded city…

at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.  As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. 

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. 

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. 

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. 

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. 

She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" 

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!" 

I saw a crow on a tree outside my house today...

Another two landed briefly but then flew away again.

It was an attempted murder.

A recent study on crow deaths

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.


The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.


When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

So a crow sits alone in a park...

A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, and once again they begin to talk for a while. The three crows would chat back and forth until another crow would fly by, where they would turn their focus on getting the other crows to land on the bench. Occasionally one would land only to fly away a couple minutes later. This would continue on and off for a few hours before multiple police suddenly arrive and arrest the crows for attempted murder.

Two crows are loitering in the park; why did they get arrested?

Attempted murder.


What do you call a crow whose looking for friends ?

An attempted murder.

I was woken up at 5am by a crow...

It just wouldn't stop cawing. After an hour I felt like shooting the damned thing! Then another crow joined it and they started to have a jolly old conversation. I wanted to blow both their heads off! One more crow and there definitely would've been a murder.

What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?

A hybrid

So a crow is in the woods...

Perched on top of a tree and is relaxing smoking weed. A lizard nearby smells it an looks up and sees this crow way up on the top of this tree. So the lizard asks "hey! Wanna share?"
"Sure I don't mind, come on up"replies the crow.
"Great but let me go get some water first, one sec." Said the lizard.
So the lizard goes over to the lake nearby and sees this alligator and tells him what he was about to go do and where this crow was at in case he wanted to join. Anticipating getting the munchies, the alligator eats the lizard and goes over to the crow is at and yells up "hey!"
The crow looks down and says "Jesus Christ!!! How much water did you drink!!!!!

Before the crowbar was invented

Most crows didn't drink.

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

Before the crowbar was invented...

Most crows drank at home

Why don't you ever see a crow roadkill

Because there is always another one in the tree yelling, "CAWR CAWR!"

Did Russell Crow feel bad after he ate his wife?

Nah! He was Gladiator!

What does a crow with a cold sound like?

Caw-ph, Caw-ph, caw-ph.

Two crows are in jail. What are they in for?

Attempted Murder

How do the greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

How do the crows in Texas greet each other?

Yee-caw

Did you hear about the recent celebrity murder?

Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in one room. Nobody was injured.

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their buddies are up in the trees yelling caaaawr caaawr caaawr.

Why was the crow bitter about his job?

They fired him with no caws.

A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

Friend at work hit me with this. (Sorry if repost.)

If a Stork brings white babies, and a Crow brings black babies. What brings no babies?

The Swallow.

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are three ladies sitting on a bench eating a lollipop. The first one licks the lollipop, the second one sucks on it, and the third one bites it. Which one of them is married?
The teacher starts blushing and answers: "The one that's sucking on it."
"The correct answer is the one wearing a wedding ring, but I like the way you think."

If a stalk brings good babies. A crow brings bad babies. What bird brings no babies?

A swallow

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by trucks, but they manage to avoid being hit by passenger cars. Since crows are scavengers they eat roadkill and are often in large groups on the roads. Being social animals, they are somewhat organized and one or two birds always serve as lookouts to warn the others of danger. The MDEP found that the problem is that although all the Bostonian crows can call out "cah!" none of them can call out "truck!"

Totally going to buy a tiny pet crow for myself.

Gonna call it Micro.

Sometimes you eat a crow,

Some other times, Croatia

What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?

He was making a long-distance caw.

Why did the scare crow win the award?

He was out standing in his field.

This has Always been my favourite pun.

A Crow walks into a bar...

looking like he is in a good mood.

The bartender says "hey buddy, the boss still giving you a hard time or did he give you that vacation?"

The crow replies, "let's just say I finally figured out how to get away with a murder."

I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie

She was a victim of my crow aggressions.

Why don't you ever see a crow as roadkill?

They always have another crow as a lookout saying "car, car, car"

The difference between birds

A new study from a renowned bird journal found the difference between crows and ravens.

Apparently, aside from size, their wings are made differently. The common crow has six pinions per wing, while the raven has only five.

The conclusion: It is only a difference of a pinion.

Two ducks walk into a bar and are immediately asked to leave

It was a crow bar.

Boston's dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .

Why do you never see crows as road kill?

Because when a car comes by they yell: Caw Caw Caw!

Man: Honey, what's wrong?

Woman: I'm feeling a little depressed...

Man: Why don't you listen to some music? That always cheers you up.

Woman: Okay...will you put on some Sheryl Crow?

Man: If It Makes You Happy.

A guy applies for a job at a circus

Manager:"What are your talents?"
Guy:"I can imitate a crow really well!!"
Manager:"Sorry i don't think you can be of use to us"
Guy:"Shit, i was sure i would get the job, well ok then, bye" proceedes to turn around and fly away

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

A detective walked over to his car

As he made the approach, he saw a smattering of crow feces on it and said,

*"There's been a murder..."*

Why do crows never get hit by cars?

Because their buddies warn them -- caw, caw, caw!!

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because we kept forgetting something at home, along the way running over more crows.

I told her this joke, she didn't think it was too funny. My other daughter thought it was funny though. Now she keeps walking around saying "Caaaaw the caaaaaawps" in a high crowy voice. I'll regret telling her the joke by the end of the day.

It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...

But if they are... its a murder.

Which bird is the most contented?

The crow. He never complains without caws.

Two crows were sitting on a bench...

They were arrested for attempted murder.

I shrunk my pet bird and made him watch Dirty Jobs

I made my crow watch Mike Rowe while micro.

I hope we don't get another animal to human epidemic

All the crow people have been eating lately.

Two crows walk into a bar.

Before they can order their first drink, they get arrested for attempted murder.

How do crows stick together in a flock?

Vel-crow

Crowbar from sears

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and—Whack!—knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, That was a karate chop from Korea.

The little guy thinks Geez, but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden—Whack!—the big dude knocks him down again and says, That was a judo chop from Japan.

So the little guy has had enough of this. He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and—Wham! —knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes