Crow Jokes
128 crow jokes and hilarious crow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Crow Short Jokes
Short crow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crow humour may include short coop jokes also.
- If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
-Credit goes to my mother
- - I went to the doctor because I'm being constantly followed by nearly 20 crows. She says I have Corvid 19.
- What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.
- Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? Apparently, the only difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.
- Why did the scarecrow take up the accordion? Because it’s the best way to keep the crows away.
- A woman is looking at herself in the mirror "Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."
Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact." - Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife. In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.
- Did you guys hear about the guy who got the skin on his face ripped apart by eagle talons? They tried to fix it with botox, but that only helps with crow's feet.
- I was very upset when I found out that hit song by The Black Crows was actually a cover of Otis Redding It's hard to handle
- Why don't you ever see a crow roadkill Because there is always another one in the tree yelling, "CAWR CAWR!"
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Crow One Liners
Which crow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crow? I can suggest the ones about roach and pear.
- Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies? Swallows.
- Before crowbars were invented...... ...most crows drank at home by themselves.
- A little known fact... Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
- What kind of crows stick together? velcrows
- What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-Crows
- What do you call two crows stuck together? Velcrows
- Before there were crowbars Crows drank at home
- What's a crow's favorite drink? CAW-fee.
- What did Russell Crowe do when a cannibal ate his wife? Nothing... He was Gladiator.
- Before the crowbar was invented Most crows didn't drink.
- what does a crow say when it sees a car coming? car
- Crows Before they invented Crowbars, crows had to drink alone. :(
- Before the crowbar was invented... Most crows drank at home
- What do you call a bird that sticks to things? A 'vel'crow
- Did Russell Crow feel bad after he ate his wife? Nah! He was Gladiator!
Jim Crow Jokes
Here is a list of funny jim crow jokes and even better jim crow puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL Jim Crow Was In A Rock Band Their first release was Black in Back.
- Ferguson, MO In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal.
- I guess I support Jim Crow Laws. Cause I let black guys come in the back.
Fun-Filled Crow Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about crow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pong jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crow pranks.
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"
Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"
Then he beats him to death.
What do you call a s**..., dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I saw a crow on a tree outside my house today...
Another two landed briefly but then flew away again.
It was an attempted m**....
Why do you never see crows as road kill?
Because when a car comes by they yell: Caw Caw Caw!
Why did the scare crow win the award?
He was out standing in his field.
This has Always been my favourite pun.
The difference between a crow and a raven.
A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their habitat and logging hours of observations. Their beaks were the same, their feet and their bodies showed no variable difference. But, at last, a breakthrough. The long feathers at the tip of a birds wings, the pinion feathers, provided the conclusion that ravens and crows differ. A raven has four pinion feathers and a crow has five pinion feathers. So........................... The difference between ravens and crows is a matter of a pinion.
What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?
He was making a long-distance caw.
Friend at work hit me with this. (Sorry if repost.)
If a Stork brings white babies, and a Crow brings black babies. What brings no babies?
The s**....
What does a crow with a cold sound like?
Caw-ph, Caw-ph, caw-ph.
Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?
It was unmiscible.
Why did the pigeon hate the crow?
because he was in the coo klux k**...
How do the greek separate the men from the boys?
With a crow bar.
difference between a crow and a raven
one has 4 pinion feathers and the other has 5 pinion feathers, so the difference is a matter of a pinion
The difference between birds
A new study from a renowned bird journal found the difference between crows and ravens.
Apparently, aside from size, their wings are made differently. The common crow has six pinions per wing, while the raven has only five.
The conclusion: It is only a difference of a pinion.
A Crow walks into a bar...
looking like he is in a good mood.
The bartender says "hey buddy, the boss still giving you a hard time or did he give you that vacation?"
The crow replies, "let's just say I finally figured out how to get away with a m**...."
Two crows are loitering in the park; why did they get arrested?
Attempted m**....
Why do crows never get hit by cars?
Because their buddies warn them -- caw, caw, caw!!
Two crows walk into a bar.
Before they can order their first drink, they get arrested for attempted m**....
I witnessed an attempted m**... earlier...
Luckily only one crow showed up...
Why did the scare crow get a raise?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Annnnd you all have cancer now.
The Night's Watch opens a drinking establishment to attract new brothers.
They call it the Crow Bar.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies?
A s**...
Totally going to buy a tiny pet crow for myself.
Gonna call it Micro.
Why do crows do vocal exercises every morning?
For the Good of the Caws.
Two crows are in jail. What are they in for?
Attempted m**...
Where do crows go to buy groceries?
Kroger
Two crows were sitting on a bench...
They were arrested for attempted m**....
What sound does a Polish crow make?
Krakow
Why do crowd control police go earlier to work?
To beat the crowd.
A cop was called to investigate a room that was the sight of a m**...
Upon arrival, the cop discovered the room was merely the crow exhibit at an aviary
Why don't you ever see a crow as roadkill?
They always have another crow as a lookout saying "car, car, car"
I was woken up at 5am by a crow...
It just wouldn't stop cawing. After an hour I felt like shooting the d**... thing! Then another crow joined it and they started to have a jolly old conversation. I wanted to blow both their heads off! One more crow and there definitely would've been a m**....
How come crows never get hit by cars?
Their buddies are up in the trees yelling caaaawr caaawr caaawr.
What is the difference between a raven and a crow??
Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.
So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion
Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.
Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the m**... of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.
Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?
The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."
Did you hear about the recent celebrity m**...?
Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in one room. Nobody was injured.
You can't hit a crow with your vehicle.
There is always another one in a tree saying " car, car, car ".
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Two crows that are husband and wife are home when
The phone rings. Ethel answers, hello? Hey Ethel Bob home. Yeah hang on. Hey Bob! Yeah? Phone caw!
Did you hear about the attempted m**...?
Russel Crowe, Sheryl Crow and John Crow were all in a room together.
I almost witnessed a m**...
Luckily, only one crow showed up.
I watched a crow land on the line out front today
it was joined by five more in a few minutes. They sat cawing softly a bit, then flew off different directions.
I think I just saw an attempted m**....
If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow brings bad babies, what brings no babies?
The s**....
If a stalk brings good babies. A crow brings bad babies. What bird brings no babies?
A s**...
As the crowded elevator descended,
Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said,
"That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Saw two crows perched on a fence together
It was an attempted m**....
Man: Honey, what's wrong?
Woman: I'm feeling a little depressed...
Man: Why don't you listen to some music? That always cheers you up.
Woman: Okay...will you put on some Sheryl Crow?
Man: If It Makes You Happy.
What do you call a crow whose looking for friends ?
An attempted m**....
Boston's dead crows
On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .
How did the scare crow get employee of the month?
He was out standing in his field.
How do crows stick together in a flock?
Vel-crow
I shrunk my pet bird and made him watch Dirty Jobs
I made my crow watch Mike Rowe while micro.
In response to the TIL about the difference between a crow and raven
Do you know the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, the feathers that are the long vertical feathers on the wings are called pinion feathers. They help the birds fly. A raven has 13 of these feathers and raven only has 12. So I guess you could say that the difference between a crow and a raven is the difference of a pinion. I'll show myself out now.
Sometimes you eat a crow,
Some other times, croatia
Why was the crow bitter about his job?
They fired him with no caws.
A detective walked over to his car
As he made the approach, he saw a smattering of crow f**... on it and said,
*"There's been a m**......"*
Which bird is the most contented?
The crow. He never complains without caws.
Whenever I do crown molding I can never get the corners to match up quite right
I guess I have coping issues.
"I'm looking for something by Crowded House in one of the main languages of Switzerland"
"How about 'Don't dream it's over' in German?"
"Genau, genau..."
A guy applies for a job at a circus
Manager:"What are your talents?"
Guy:"I can imitate a crow really well!!"
Manager:"Sorry i don't think you can be of use to us"
Guy:"s**..., i was sure i would get the job, well ok then, bye" proceedes to turn around and fly away
Two ducks walk into a bar and are immediately asked to leave
It was a crow bar.
COP: Where were you the night of the m**...?
CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: …I want a lawyer
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
Did you know that before the crowbar was invented
Crows would just drink at home alone
I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.
Backwards.
Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.
"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.
It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...
But if they are... its a m**....
Every time I chase the birds away from our backyard, my wife gets triggered.
She calls it my crow aggression.
I hope we don't get another animal to human epidemic
All the crow people have been eating lately.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a m**...
The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
Why did the police arrest the crow?
They had probable caws.
