The Best 61 Crotch Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crotch jokes. There are some crotch waistline jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crotch privates puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crotch Jokes and Puns

A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a ships wheel on his crotch. One of the patrons says "Hey, you knw you got a ships wheel on your crotch, right?" To which the pirate replies "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

The story of the pirate.

A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that there is the steering wheel to a ship on the front of his pants. So the bartender, perplexed, says to him "you know that there's a steering wheel on your crotch, right?" and the pirate says "Arr! Its drivin' me nuts!"

So my wife walked in on me blowdrying my crotch...

And asked me what I was doing.

"Just warming up breakfast for you, honey."

First post, hope I'm doing this right.

Crotch joke, So my wife walked in on me blowdrying my crotch...

Two homeless men...

were sitting under a bridge watching a dog lick its crotch.

One of the men said, "I wish I could do that!"
To which the other replied, "Oh no you don't! He took a bite outta my arm the last time I tried!"

Take it Like a Man

"Take it like a man" is a phrase that means something completely different if one is hit in the crotch.


So a pirate walks into a bar..

and he has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender looks at him and says, "Did you know that there's a steering wheel coming out of your crotch?" The pirate nods and says, "Arr, it's driving me nuts!"

What does an old woman's crotch smell like?

Depends.

Crotch joke, What does an old woman's crotch smell like?

My girlfriend asked me why I was blow-drying my crotch...

Apparently "heating your dinner" was not the response she was looking for.

A pirate walks into a bar...

He has a ship's wheel right on his crotch. The bartender asks:

"What's the wheel for?"

The pirate reply's:

"ARRRRRGH, It's drivin' me nuts!"

Pirate Walks into a bar...

Bartender says - "Hey Pirate..." The Pirate walks over to the barkeep, and gives him a nod. The bartender says, "I don't mean to embarass you, but I noticed you've got a steering wheel attached to your crotch." The pirate looks down and says "ArrrH I know, and it be drivin me nuts!"

A pirate walks into a bar..

So, this pirate walks into a bar to have a drink.
The barkeeper looks at him and says: "Sir, do you know that you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
>Says the pirate: "Ayy, it's driving me nuts!"

You can explore crotch yar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crotch manhood dad jokes. There are also crotch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So a pirate walks into a bar...

So a pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices he has a large ship wheel on what looks like his belt buckle. The pirate tries to sit at the bar, but the wheel is too large for him to be able to comfortably sit. The bartender says, "Hey, you're having trouble because of that wheel on your crotch." The pirate replies, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

[NSFW] Johnny was playing outside...

When he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "What's that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, except his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a steering wheel mounted on his crotch.

He says to the bartender "Yar, I'll get me a rum."

The bartender says "Okay buddy. But first you gotta tell me... what's with the steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate says "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

The difference between sexists and misogynists...

Sexist: I like my women like I like my jeans - loose in the crotch!

Mysogynist: I like my women like I like my jeans - acid washed!

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch. Someone asks "what is that on you?"
He responds, "Arrr, I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Crotch joke, A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

A woman is in the hospital in a coma...

and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.

The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."

Why should you always wash your delicate undergarments separate from your socks?

To prevent yourself from getting athletes crotch !


Why do people point at their wrist when asking for the time?

Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a large steering wheel on the front of his pants.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch?"
The pirate responds, "Arrr, it be driving me nuts!"

My girlfriend has a fire crotch.

Or as it's scientifically known, "Chlamydia".

A pirate has a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

As he walks down the street someone notices and asks "Doesn't that hurt?"

The pirate replies, "Arr, it drives me nuts."

A pirate walks into a bar

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel sticking out his crotch.
'Does that not hurt?' asks the bartender.
To which the pirate replies: 'Yaarr, it's driving me nuts!'

So a pirate walks into a bar,

he has a steering wheel on his crotch.
The bartender goes: "What are you doing with that thing?"
The pirate responds: "Arr, its been drivin' me nuts."

While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my crotch

I've never been so touched on an emotional level.

This girl said she could see a bulge in my swim shorts and I was flattered.

I looked down at my crotch and she said, "The other side."

A pirate walks into a bar..

With a wheel on his crotch. The bar tender says
"Aye, what's with the wheel?"

Pirate says "arrrrrghhhhhh, it be driving me nuts"

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Jonny comes home with two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asks mom.

"Well," says Jonny, "I was riding on the bus this morning and there was a big fat woman
sitting in front of me. She had her dress caught up in her crotch, so I pulled it out, and she
punched me."

"That accounts for one black eye," says mom, "what about the other one?"

"Well," says Jonny, "I could see she did not like that, so I shoved it back in."

Two female K9 handlers

Two female K9 dog handlers are on the patrol and one says "I'm cold. I left my underwear at the Police HQ"
The other one says "let the dog have a sniff of your crotch and he'll fetch them."
The dog returned 20 minutes later with her underwear, a truncheon, two vibrators and 4 of the Sgt's fingers.

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

A Pirate Walks Into a Bar

The bartender immediately sees the man has an eyepatch and peg leg, but notices something strange.

The man has a steering wheel right on his crotch.

Bewildered, the bartender asks, "I understand the eyepatch and peg leg, but what's with the steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate looks down at the steering wheel, looks back up, and angrily shouts:

Arrrrr, It's been driving me nuts!

That Patriots player that just got tackled in the crotch....

Is he their new leading sacker?

What do you call a respectable crotch you can eat?

Sir Loin

A woman is in a coma in hospital

The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.

The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."

Two guys are walking home when they see a dog licking its crotch

One guy looks to the other and says "I wish I could do that." The second guy responds, "Maybe you should try petting him first."

A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.

When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his crotch. He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

A pirate walks into a bar...

with a steering wheel sticking out of his crotch.

The bartender asks, "what's up with the wheel?"

The pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch.

The bartender, obviously curious, says:

"Are you aware there's a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

The pirate replies:

"AARRGGHH, It drives me nuts!"

Have you ever heard the one about the pirate who walked into a bar with a steering wheel around his crotch?

The bartender said, "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel around your crotch?"

The pirate said, "ARRR, it's driving me nuts."

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a sexy woman, the hat would lift by itself."

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship wheel on his crotch.

The bartender asks: Hey, what's with the wheel?

The pirate answers: Yaaargh! It's drivin' me nuts!

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

"You realize there is a steering wheel attached to your crotch right?"

The pirate says:
"ARRRRR, AND THEY DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

If your palm itches, you're going to get something.

If your crotch itches... you've already got it.

A man is lying on a bench

Wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a lady, the hat would lift by itself."

A guy gave me a badass eagle tattoo in my crotch region for $50.

It looked so sick that I asked him to give me a matching tattoo in the palm of my hand so I could show it to everyone, but he said this one would cost $100. He said, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch.

The bartender whinces and says "Are you alright? That looks painful!"

The pirate replied "Aar! Its driving me nuts!"

Two men are sitting on the steps of a country store

As they sit, a dog approaches and begins to lick its crotch.

The first man looks to the other and says I wish I could do that.

The other man looks at him and says yeah, but that dog will bite you.

Two teenage boys are walking down an alley

when they see a stray dog licking its crotch.

The one boy says, Man, I really wish I could do that.

His friend responds, I don't know, you'd better pet him and see if he's friendly, first.

A pirate walks into a bar...

With a steering wheel tied to his crotch.
The bar tender asks umm, why is steering wheel tied to your crotch?
The pirate replies Aarrrr it be driving me nuts!!

I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my crotch

Makes the crabs feel more at home.

A pirate walks into the doctor's office:

Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ships steering wheel is stuck to me crotch.

Doctor: So, what's the problem?

Pirate: Doc... it's driving me nuts!

What's it called when a man gets his crotch kicked.

Testicular Manslaughter.

What do skinny jeans and a cheap hotel have in common?

There's no ballroom.

Friend told me this a couple years ago. I was reminded today, by wearing skinny jeans and tugging at my crotch the entire time.

Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your womb for being too lazy.

Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her crotch and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?

Wife: I lost my womb like You said

Husband: did it hurt?

Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like hell when I put it back in.

An older woman is doing the dishes, when her husband walks up behind her and slaps her rear end.

If you could firm this up, you wouldn't need a girdle! He says.

She turns around and grabs is crotch

If you could firm this up, I wouldn't need your brother!

A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.

It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.

Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his crotch, while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.

When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"

To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "

A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.

On his crotch, he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.

The old pirate settles into the bar.

The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your crotch?"

The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

A woman walked up to me at the swimming pool and said she could see something bulging in my Speedos.

When I looked down at my crotch she said, "No, the other side..."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crotch crotchless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crotch knickers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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