Crossing The Line Jokes
105 crossing the line jokes and hilarious crossing the line puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crossing the line that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Crossing The Line Short Jokes
Short crossing the line jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crossing the line humour may include short crossing the road jokes also.
- I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
- I'm Mexican I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
They cross the line. - I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden... I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
- Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight. The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
That was the punch line. - Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight! One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
That was the punchline. - Finding out a gay guy has a crush on you is like finding 1,000,000 pesos. You'll think "Well, I can't do much with this right now, but if I ever cross that line I'll be just fine"
- What do you get when you cross a gay man and a Jew? A hit broadway show.
(heard Drew Carey make this joke in a Whose Line blooper reel) - Having a hot gay dude hit on you is like finding a million pesos I can't do anything with it now but when I cross the line I'm set
- Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
That was the punchline. - What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line? "I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."
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Crossing The Line One Liners
Which crossing the line one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crossing the line? I can suggest the ones about crossing the border and crossing the street.
- how do you get from sweden to russia? you cross the finnish line
- How do you win a Scandinavian race? By crossing the Finnish line!
- Dark humor is like drunk driving It kills when you cross over the line.
- Without crossing any lines, what's an offensive joke? The Detroit Lions
- When does a race through Norway and Sweden end? When you cross the Finnish line.
- Pick up lines for cross-eyed people When you're in the room both my eyes are on you
- Why are all immigrants to Finland winners? Because they all crossed the Finnish line.
- Now I know I'm not the best at parking but, today, I crossed the line.
- What line is the hardest to cross in africa? The poverty line.
- Alright, Kim Jong Un has taken it too far this time He crossed the line
- There are some lines that I never cross Such as Zeno's finish line.
- Why did the DLC character cross the road? *Please pay $1.99 to view the punch line.*
- Guy Fawkes wasn't that bad He simply crossed the line between treason and banter.
- What do you call a hemophiliac that crosses the picket line? A bleeder.
- What do you get if you cross 50 Shades of Grey with Blurred Lines? A greydient
Crossing The Line Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about crossing the line you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crossing border jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crossing the line pranks.
Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of c**...?
Because he crossed the line...
An old man has spent 30 years working for the railroad, punching tickets and being mean to everyone who crossed his path.
Finally it's discovered that he's responsible for a string of dozens of murders up and down the railroad line, at almost every stop, going back almost the whole 30 years of his career. He confesses to all of them and is quickly convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day finally comes, they strap him into the chair and the guard throws the switch. Sparks fly and smoke curls upward from the straps and skullcap, but the old man is unhurt. The switch is thrown again and again, but always with the same result. Finally he is released from the chair, and the next day the governor commutes his sentence to life in prison.
When a reporter asks him about the incident and why he thought he survived, the man replies, "Well, I've always been a poor conductor."
An old Lady in a nursing home...
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark n**... and has an e**....
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again!
Football and accountancy in one joke
A Sunday League football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.
At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half.
On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken.
"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".
"Thanks", replied the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".
"What do you do then?" asked the ref.
"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken.
At this point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The bemused team-mates gather round the ref and start complaining.
"Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice - *Professional fowl*".
Bing Crosby
A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!
Not sure of this crosses the line from joke to anti joke or not but whatever. A simple one line one punch.
What did the cow say to the farmer? Milk me.
So a brunette is walking back and forth across railroad tracks...
...and ever time she crosses she says, "42! 42! 42!"
A blonde happens upon her and is perplexed by what she is seeing. After watching her a while, the blonde determines that it looks like fun, and joins the brunette on the tracks saying, "42! 42! 42!"
Soon the Five O'clock Express comes rumbling down the line. The brunette jumps off the tracks and the train hits the blonde.
The brunette patiently waits for the train to pass, but once it does she starts crossing the tracks again saying, "43! 43! 43!"
I think I've finally crossed the line.
~~Line.~~
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
Selfless until the end.
For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."
Why do people from Finland who lack passports never win?
...they can't cross the Finnish line!
The sailor's birthday
Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.
Three Nuns cross the road...
They get hit by a bus, die and go to heaven.
They reach the pearly gates and St. Peter is there waiting for them.
As they line up, St. Peter says "Right ladies, in order for you to get into heaven you must answer a question each." The Nuns nod and agree.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun and asks "Who was the first man on earth?" the first nun replies "That's easy, Adam!"
"Correct, collect your wings and halo and come on in"
St. Peter turns to the second nun and asks "Who was the first woman on earth?"
"Easy!" replies the nun "Eve."
"Correct collect your wings and halo and in you go"
St.Peter then turns to the last nun and says "Now this question is a little more difficult, since you are mother superior"
The nun says "Fire away I'm ready"
"OK, what did Eve say to Adam on the first night they met?"
The nun looking puzzled, says "Hmmmmm now that's a hard one."
St. Peter replies "Correct! collect your wings and halo and in you go!"
Annual Snail Racing Day
It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.
Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitched beep, all the snails started racing.
At one point of the race, Snail S's car hit a bump and flew off the track, with him in it. Snail S landed several feet away from his car, badly bruised, and called for help, but no one heard, for all his other snail friends were either racing or waiting at the finish line. After several tense moments, Snail S was picked up, but only to be cooked and eaten.
At the end of the race, Snail X came first, with Snail K second and Snail W third. After all the snails had crossed the finish line, everyone looked around and asked, "Where did the S car go?"
u**... race.
I was at a group thing and we went on break. Some dude and I got to neighboring urinals and in unison our pee hit the water at the same time. We both knew one thing, the race was on!
The race was a dead heat. Both of us were expelling as fast as we could. I could hear the pressure increasing as we both of us wanted that win.
The winner of a foot race can be designated by the one who crosses the finish line first. In that respect I won.
The winner of a drinking contest is the one that didn't pee on themselves. In that respect, I lost.
Why do people traveling east out of Sweden get a metal?
Because they're crossing the Finnish line.
What do you get when you cross a magician with a camera?
Hokus Focus
Obligatory "I'm sorry" line.
What does one buttock say to the other buttock?
Don't cross the line
why was the physicist angry with his cat?
it kept crossing the Fe-line
There is a line in comedy that you should not cross
and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Probably an award or something. I mean, that would be pretty crazy.
Alternative punch line:
I don't know. The zoo won't let me try.
Why did Steph Curry cross the road?
Because he wasn't far enough from the 3pt line to take the shot.
If I could, I'd wear plaid every day.
But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines.
Why didn't the boxer cross the road?
He didn't want to be part of a bad punch line.
Why was the i**... immigrant so offensive?
Because he crossed the line
what do u get when u cross a reptile with a storm trooper
"a punch line"
I saw a sign at the station that said "Please cross the line here".
So I gave the pregnant lady next to me an uppercut.
Maybe Russia is in a huge marathon that ends with, invading Finland.
And crossing the finish line.
Why do intersecting lines hate each other?
Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.
What do you get if you cross McCree with a cow?
His voice line becomes "It's high mooooon"
Why did the chicken cross the state line?
He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!
I was thinking about sharing a joke about the Boston Marathon Bombings
But there are just some lines that should not be crossed
After crossing which line in Siberia, can you no longer escape it?
The evenk horizon
Border crossing
I was driving back to Canada with my family when we came to the border. After a short wait in line, we get to the guard booth, and he asks if I have anything to declare. With a sigh, I turn to my wife and say, "Honey, I want a divorce."
Investigation shows Teen who collided head-on with a school bus intentionally moved into oncoming traffic
There are some lines that should never be crossed.
Why are workers who cross a picket line called scabs?
When you have a scab, you aren't supposed to pick it.
Border officer: Do you have anything to declare?
Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid.
Nurse calls a doctor
•Doctor, doctor, come quick, hypochondriac from the room 110 has died.
-g**..., he really crossed the line this time!
Two Alabama State Troopers
Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"
The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."
My girlfriend told me she enjoys celebrity impressions in bed, tonight I tried Jim Carrey
Apparentley "Like a glove" is crossing the line
I was fired for flying my plane from New Zealand to Hawaii.
They said I really crossed the line.
I refuse to tell jokes about mexicans
Just because they cross lines, doesn't mean I will too.
What's the difference between credit fraud and and a touchdown?
Credit fraud is a line the Florida Gators know how to cross
Did you see that Olympic downhill skier who actually crossed the finish line backwards?
He came in last...b**... first...
I just found out that no lines of latitude pass through Finland!
As they cross the border, that's the Finish line.
What do you get when a pair of shoes crosses the finish line together?
Tied shoes
A chicken crosses the road, meets a priest
and a rabbi, they walk into a bar. Inside the bar they realize that there are no people waiting in line to drink punch.
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
When you cross the line you're only half way.
A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf
A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf. They're on the fifth green, the old guy is lining up a putt, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and then returns to his putt.
After the hole, the young guy says "I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased."
Old guy says "Well, we were married for 42 years... Least I could do."
A young guy gets paired with an elderly man for a round of golf.
The old man lines up to putt on the fourth green, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The old man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and returns to the putt.
After the hole, the young guy says, I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased .
Old guy says, Well, we were married 42 years... least I could do.
I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon...
Some lines must not be crossed.
(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)
I'm usually a very understanding and patient person but when someone drives to slow in front of me...
...that's where I cross the line
What line is crossed on Black friday that instantly makes people go crazy?
The border into the US
The day of the Boston massacre as soon I heard about I said that some lines just shouldn't be crossed especially not the finish line
I will give credit where credit is to : Anthony Jeselnik
There are two types of Catholics right now- for Trump's wall and against Trump's wall.
Catholic priests have maintained their same position as they are used to crossing the lines with children.
Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest
As they would cross the Finnish line.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face.
That was the punch line.
A child always caused trouble whenever he didn't do addition problems.
Dad: "Son, why do you like addition so much?"
Son: "It's because I like crossing the line."
I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.
I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.
COVID-19 news: Finland forced to close their borders again
No one will be crossing the finish line.
When Marvel named a movie after Chadwick Boseman's wife, they crossed the line
Seriously? Black Widow? Show some respect!