Crossing Border Jokes
106 crossing border jokes and hilarious crossing border puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crossing border that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Crossing Border Short Jokes
Short crossing border jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crossing border humour may include short crossed border jokes also.
- A man crosses the mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family. Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.
- In honor of Cinco De mayo - Why do Mexicans cross the border two at a time? Because the signs say "No Trespassing".
- Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.
- What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull? A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
- What do you call an unsuccessful migrant trying to illegally cross the U.S. southern border? A Mexi*cant*
- What do refugees and black humour have in common? They are crossing borders and some people feel offended by them.
- Border officer: Do you have anything to declare? Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid. - Some jokes on Mexicans can be funny, but a lot of the times they cross the border.
^^^^^OC ^^^^^but ^^^^^rephrased - I just found out that no lines of latitude pass through Finland! As they cross the border, that's the Finish line.
- Mexico is starting to build a wall They're worried about the Americans crossing the border when Trump is elected.
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Crossing Border One Liners
Which crossing border one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crossing border? I can suggest the ones about crossing the border and border crossing.
- Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time? Because the sign says no trespassing.
- Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing
- Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three? Because it says "No Trespassing".
- Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's? No tres passing
- Why did only 2 Mexicans cross the border? The sign said "No Trespassing"
(TRES-Passing) - You know, I really hate Mexican jokes that rely on sterotypes They just cross the border.
- Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada.
- What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!
- How did the international good shipment feel as it crossed the border? Tarrified.
- What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border? A Mexi*can't*
- What do you call a border crossing Mexican. A jumping bean.
- A Mexican wont help you cross the street But he will definitely help you cross the border
- What do you call a cross between a dog and a vegetable? A border collieflower
- A Mexican Class Topper Recounts "Graduating was harder than crossing the border."
- Why can't Mexicans cross the border in groups? You can only fit Juan at a time.
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What funny jokes about crossing border you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cross border jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crossing border pranks.
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.
He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.
Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
Greek/German joke I heard recently
So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."
The border guard
So there is this border guard and one day he sees a guy crossing the border on his bicycle with two big bags over his shoulder. The guard pulls him aside for questioning.
"What's in those bags?" the guard asks.
"Just sand." the guy replies.
The guard opens up the bags and sees that is seems to be just sand so he lets him go.
The next day the guy comes back on his bike and again he has two big bags over his shoulder. Again the guard pulls him aside.
"What's in those bags?" the guard asks.
"Sand"
The guard opens the bag and finds nothing but sand. He looks a little harder bus still can't find anything wrong.
Over the next decade the scenario repeats over and over. The border guard knows something is up and tries more sophisticated methods to try and figure it out. Dogs, chemical testing, magnets, everything. He never finds anything i**... though.
Finally, the border guard retires. All his friends and co-workers throw him a big party at a restaurant across the border. While at the party, the guard sees the guy. He decides to go and talk to him.
"Hey, it's interesting seeing you here. I'm having my retirement party right now." the guard say to him.
"Congratulations, I just retired this week myself." the guy says.
"Oh really, what job did you have?"
"I was a smuggler."
"I knew it! Well, you got away with it. So please tell me. What was it that you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles"
Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.
They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.
When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crystal clear and it is surrounded with lush foliage. And in the center is one specific tree. It is a majestic plant and from it's branches hang the most unexpected of things.
Bacon. Delicious, crispy bacon. Enough to feed a man for days. Without even thinking, one of the men bolts for the oasis, desperate for food and water. As he reaches the half way point, from behind the tree springs forth a man wielding a machine gun. The poor immigrant is gunned down and lays in the sand, dieing. His friend runs to him and says
> Miguel, are you alright? What happened to you?
To which the man responds, looking up at his friend with his dieing breath
> Pedro, it is not a bacon tree...it is a hambush.
An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.
The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"
Why do Mexicans cross the border alone?
Because there can only be Juan.
Border Guard
An American couple was crossing the border into Canada. The border guard notices that the wife's white skin is red and blue from a beating. So the border guard says to the husband, "You better not be doing that here in Canada Eh, cause those colours don't fly here".
So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...
A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out
What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?
An ILL-EAGLE!
2X COMBO
A driver crosses a big, new bridge and is stopped by a police officer as he reaches the other side
"Congratulations!" says the officer with a smile "The town decided to award the millionth person to pass this bridge a prize of 1.000 dollars, and you just won the award! Say, do you already have an idea what you're going to spend the money on?"
"Yeah" says the driver "Imma gonna get me a drivers license!"
His wife quickly butts in "Oh, don't listen to him, offficer. He always jokes around when he's wasted."
Old Gramps on the back seat also chimes in "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. I knew it!"
And from the trunk a muffled voice asks "Guys, are we across the border already?"
The smart smuggler
A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.
This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.
The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"
The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"
This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.
Vacations
Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.
"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"
"Ivan Ivanovich."
"Occupation?"
"No, just a vacation."
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
There are three men on a train...
One of them is an economist and one of them is a logician and one of them is a mathematician. And they have just crossed the border into Scotland and they see a brown cow standing in a field from the window of the train.
And the economist says, "Look, the cows in Scotland are brown."
And the logician says, "No. There are cows in Scotland of which one at least is brown."
And the mathematician says, "No. There is at least one cow in Scotland, of which one side appears to be brown."
Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with i**... immigrants crossing their southern border...
I guess they became Americans after all.
What's the best way to cross the border?
In the trunk of a car.
"Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" reminded me of this one.
A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.
"You're driving too fast." "You missed that exit." "You're tailgating."
This went on throughout the trip. As their car crossed the border into Colorado, a cop flashed his lights and the man pulled over. The cop walks up to the driver's side and the man rolls down his window.
"Hey, Buddy, didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car about a quarter-mile back?"
The man said to the cop: "Thank God, I thought I went deaf."
2 Mexican brothers crossed the border and need money
(Slightly Racist - You have been warned)
Jose and Juan, 2 brothers, crossed the border to USA and had no cash. Their plan was to beg on the streets for some money. So the two brothers both got cardboard and made their own signs. Juan says "Lets split up, you go up the street, I do down, we meet here at night."
Jose agrees to the plan and heads up the street with his sign begging for money at a busy intersection. Juan feeling good about his plan goes down the street at another intersection and begs also.
By the end of the day, the 2 brothers meet where they started with all their money. Juan, still feeling good about his plan, shows his younger brother he made $40! While Juan is laughing, his younger brother pulls out $200 from his pockets.
Juan shocked ask his brother, "How did you make so much money?" His brother responded, "Read my sign." Jose's sign reads "Need $20 to go back to Mexico"
(My dad told me this joke when I was 10, I live in LA area)
Why did the chickens cross the border?
Because they were Turkish.
Guys we should stop saying these Mexican jokes... (To be said after few Mexican jokes)
We're crossing the border
German tourist crosses Polish border
German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him:
-Name?
-Hans
-Surname?
-Schmidt
-Occupation?
-No, just traveling.
I would tell a mexican joke..
I would tell a Mexican joke but that would be crossing the border..
What did the Iraqi r**... say when he crossed the border?
Iran!
Crossing the Border
A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"
I was about to make a joke about i**... immigrants
But that would be crossing the borders
A Scotsman, and Englishman, and a Chinese man take a hotair ballon ride over the UK...
As they take off, the Scotsman gazes down and marvels "Ahh my beautiful Scotland!"
As the cross the border the Englishman gazes down and says "Ahh my beautiful England!"
The Chinese man takes out a saucer, throws it over the side and says "Ahh my beautiful china!"
Why did the Nevada skunk cross the state border?
To follow the smell of legal dank skunk buds.
I found out I can't cross the border while wearing a long sleeve shirt...
Apparently, you aren't allowed to carry concealed weapons across the border.
Trump's Plan...
Maybe Trump's real plan is to make Americans so intolerable that the rest of the world doesn't want to cross America's borders.
Why will Islamic State sweep all the winning Gold medals in 2018 Winter Olympics?
They will introduce Border Cross as an olympic sport.
Drum Fill!
What's the difference between Koreans and Mexicans?
Mexicans get shot when crossing the border.
Koreans get bombed.
Border crossing
I was driving back to Canada with my family when we came to the border. After a short wait in line, we get to the guard booth, and he asks if I have anything to declare. With a sigh, I turn to my wife and say, "Honey, I want a divorce."
A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.
Pole: Name?
German: Hans Guttermark
Pole: Age?
German: Neunundzwanzig.
Pole: Occupation?
German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!
A German man was crossing the border into France...
The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.
"Name?"
The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"
"Age?"
The German replied, "37"
"Occupation?"
The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."
I've heard the White House is developing a machine to identify Mexicans before they cross the border.
They're calling it Minority Deport.
Trump's Wall Won't Matter
People will still find a way to cross the border. There's a reason why they're called Mexicans, not Mexican'ts
Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?
Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.
Mexico rarely wins Olympic medals.
All Mexicans who can run, jump or swim already crossed the border.
A mexican is crossing the border
The guard says, "if you can use the words pink, green and yellow in a sentence, I'll let you across."
The Mexican agrees, and thinks for a while the says, "I hear my phone going 'green green', so I pink it up and say 'yellow!'"
Two Mexicans are making an attempt to cross the U.S. border.
A border patrol agent spots them and yells out, "HEY, what do you think you're doing??"
One responds, "We're invading America!"
The agent says, "Just the two of you???"
"No, we're the last two. The rest are already there!"
-Props to John Cleese
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
Why did the immigrants cross the border?
Because their country is a s**....
An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician in Scotland
An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train headed for Scotland. As they cross the border, they see a black sheep. The astronomer cries out, All sheep in Scotland are black. . The physicist says, Some sheep in Scotland are black . The mathematician raises his eyes heavenward and says, In Scotland, there is at least one field, with at least one sheep in it, one side of which is black!
A gay having a crush on you is like finding a million pesos.
It doesn't do me good, until you cross that border.
Why does border patrol use airplanes to search for i**... crossing the border?
Because they are always hiding in plane sight
Ohhhhh, did I cross the border with that joke? I'm very sorry...
I'm kurdish. We have no borders...
Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States.
By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.
You can makes jokes about anything, just not i**....
That's crossing the border.
I was crossing the border from USA to Canada, and the border patrol Mountie asked me if I had any guns.
I said, what do you need?
Steve Wright gets credit
I don't like to talk i**... immigration too much.
Because that's crossing a border
Donald Trump, Angela Merkel, and Vladimir Putin are being chased by a horde of angry Arab bandits.
"Please stop chasing us, I'll pay you!" Trump screams, but the bandits just keep charging.
"Please stop chasing us, I can get your countries accepted into the EU!" Merkel yells, but the bandits seem to dislike this offer and continue the charge.
"I have an idea," says Putin. He turns around to face the bandits, smiles, and says, "Prevyet, comrades! You are now crossing the border of the mighty Russian Federation!"
All the bandits flee screaming.
How can China win the war against Russia?
Easy. 200 000 000 Chinese troops cross the border. And then just surrender.
ProLifeTip for border crossings: when they ask Any drugs or weapons?
The correct response is not Why, what do you need?
Why did Jesus resume his ministry in the United States?
Because he promised himself he'll only cross the border once.
What line is crossed on Black friday that instantly makes people go crazy?
The border into the US
I hate the useless, violent swarm of people who cross the border and refuse to speak the local language.
I'm talking, of course, about American college students on vacation here in Cancun.
Being complemented by a gay guy is like getting a million Pesos...
It's useless until you cross that border
A Russian goes to Ukraine
As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, Occupation?
No, says the Russian. Just visiting.