Crosseyed Jokes

Following is our collection of relationships humor and heavy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Crosseyed puns for adults, dirty teeth jokes or clean picks gags for kids.

There is an abundance of dog jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 42 funniest jokes on crosseyed. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any stare witze you can hear about crosseyed.

The Best jokes about Crosseyed

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...

Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

I used to date a cross-eyed girl.

I stopped when I found out she was seeing someone on the side.


I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.

She was seeing other people.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Okay,' says the vet. 'Let's have a look at him.' So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No,' replies the vet. 'Because he's really, really heavy.'

Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?

She didn't have control of her pupils

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend.

We weren't seeing eye-to-eye and she was seeing some dude on the side.

You guys hear about the insecure cross-eyed teacher??

Apparently he couldn't control his pupils


I dated a cross-eyed girl once, but it didn't end well.

Turned out she was seeing other people.

My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression.

I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who got fired?

She couldn't keep her pupils straight

I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...

I took my dog to the vet, as I noticed his eyes were strangely crossed. When I got to the office, I told the vet the problem with my dog. He picked up my dog and stared into his eyes for a while. Then he spoke up "I'm going to have to put your dog down." he said. "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed. "No." the vet said "Because he's heavy!"

Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps

Crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants

I've come to tell you a lie that is true.


One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys rose up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other

Pulled out knives and shot each other.

Two deaf policemen heard the noise

And ran to save the two dead boys.

If you don't believe this lie is true

Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today.

He couldn't control his pupils.

Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships

Sometimes when I'm seeing a girl I can't help but also see someone else on the side

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?

She couldn't control her pupils.


I had a terrible cross-eyed teacher in primary schoool

She could never keep her pupils under control.

I broke off my relationship with my cross-eyed girlfriend

She was seeing someone on the side

a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..

The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth.

he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says "i'm gonna have to put him down"

"because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man

"no, because he's really heavy."

Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser?

He got the sack.

The cross-eyed judge looked at the 3 defendants

How do you plead? he asked the first man. Not guilty, said the second. I wasn't talking to you, said the judge. I didn't say a word, said the third.

Two Jewish men are standing in the bathroom and peeing in adjacent urinals

the one to the right finishes doing his business, turns around, and says to his neighbor, Tell me, did Mohel Rabinovich do your bris [i.e. circumcision]? Yes, the other guy responds, how did you know?!!! Well, Rabinovich is a little cross-eyed and you are peeing on my shoes!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Never date cross-eyed people

They're usually seeing someone on the side

Pick up lines for cross-eyed people

When you're in the room both my eyes are on you

Me and my cross-eyed wife got a divorce.

We just couldn't see eye to eye.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter?

He *literally* can't even.

A man took his dog to the vet

The vet said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down."

"Why, because he's cross-eyed?!" replied the man, incredulous.

"No, because he's really heavy."

Cross-eyed people are born in the middle of the week.

They're looking both ways for Sunday.

West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.

If you see this man staring in your windows,

warn the people next door.

My grandmother is so cross-eyed, she dropped a dime..

... And picked up two nickels.

Never marry a cross-eyed woman

They're always seeing someone on the side.

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed guy who broke up with his girlfriend?

She was seeing someone on the side.

I knew a guy who was dyslexic...

...but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.

I used to date a girl who was cross-eyed...

She was seeing someone else.

What do Battleship, vending machines, explosives, and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4

What do vending machines, explosives and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4, and there's a chance someone might get hurt.

You guys ever hear the joke about the cross-eyed seamstress?..

She couldn't mend straight.





Disclaimer: My 80+ year old grandfather told me this joke over the weekend so it is older than sin, figured you guys may enjoy it. Sorry if re-post.

What do you called someone who is cross-eyed?

Eye can't even

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes