The Best 50 Crosseyed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crosseyed jokes. There are some crosseyed heavy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crosseyed picks puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crosseyed Jokes and Puns

I used to date a girl who was cross-eyed...

She was seeing someone else.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Okay,' says the vet. 'Let's have a look at him.' So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No,' replies the vet. 'Because he's really, really heavy.'

Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships

Sometimes when I'm seeing a girl I can't help but also see someone else on the side

Crosseyed joke, Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships

What do you called someone who is cross-eyed?

Eye can't even

Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter?

He *literally* can't even.


You guys ever hear the joke about the cross-eyed seamstress?..

She couldn't mend straight.

Disclaimer: My 80+ year old grandfather told me this joke over the weekend so it is older than sin, figured you guys may enjoy it. Sorry if re-post.

I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...

I took my dog to the vet, as I noticed his eyes were strangely crossed. When I got to the office, I told the vet the problem with my dog. He picked up my dog and stared into his eyes for a while. Then he spoke up "I'm going to have to put your dog down." he said. "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed. "No." the vet said "Because he's heavy!"

Crosseyed joke, I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...

I knew a guy who was dyslexic...

...but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.

I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.

She was seeing other people.

My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression.

I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.

What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse?

A solar ellipses...

You can explore crosseyed relationships reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crosseyed teeth dad jokes. There are also crosseyed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..

The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth.

he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says "i'm gonna have to put him down"

"because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man

"no, because he's really heavy."

Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?

She didn't have control of her pupils

I had a terrible cross-eyed teacher in primary schoool

She could never keep her pupils under control.

Never marry a cross-eyed woman

They're always seeing someone on the side.

Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps

Crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants

I've come to tell you a lie that is true.

One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys rose up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other

Pulled out knives and shot each other.

Two deaf policemen heard the noise

And ran to save the two dead boys.

If you don't believe this lie is true

Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Crosseyed joke, Ladies and gentlemen

I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...

Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.

What do you call an angry middle-eastern man with bad eyes?

A cross-eyed cross sayed

A man took his dog to the vet

The vet said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down."

"Why, because he's cross-eyed?!" replied the man, incredulous.

"No, because he's really heavy."


My grandmother is so cross-eyed, she dropped a dime..

... And picked up two nickels.

I dated a cross-eyed girl once, but it didn't end well.

Turned out she was seeing other people.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who got fired?

She couldn't keep her pupils straight

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

... I think

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed guy who broke up with his girlfriend?

She was seeing someone on the side.

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend.

We weren't seeing eye-to-eye and she was seeing some dude on the side.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser?

He got the sack.

West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.

If you see this man staring in your windows,

warn the people next door.

What do Battleship, vending machines, explosives, and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4

Me and my cross-eyed wife got a divorce.

We just couldn't see eye to eye.

Two Jewish men are standing in the bathroom and peeing in adjacent urinals

the one to the right finishes doing his business, turns around, and says to his neighbor, Tell me, did Mohel Rabinovich do your bris [i.e. circumcision]? Yes, the other guy responds, how did you know?!!! Well, Rabinovich is a little cross-eyed and you are peeing on my shoes!

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side

Cross-eyed people are born in the middle of the week.

They're looking both ways for Sunday.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Pick up lines for cross-eyed people

When you're in the room both my eyes are on you

The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today.

He couldn't control his pupils.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?

She couldn't control her pupils.

The cross-eyed judge looked at the 3 defendants

How do you plead? he asked the first man. Not guilty, said the second. I wasn't talking to you, said the judge. I didn't say a word, said the third.

Never date cross-eyed people

They're usually seeing someone on the side

I broke off my relationship with my cross-eyed girlfriend

She was seeing someone on the side

I used to date a cross-eyed girl.

I stopped when I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

You guys hear about the insecure cross-eyed teacher??

Apparently he couldn't control his pupils

A cross-eyed teacher

Got fired because he couldn't control his pupils

I've been dating a cross-eyed woman for 3 months now. But I don't think it's gonna last.

We just don't see eye to eye.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Why was the teacher cross-eyed?

She couldn't control her pupils

A friend of mine broke up with his cross-eyed Girl Friend...

They just weren't seeing eye to eye, and I heard she was seeing someone on the side.

I used to date this cross-eyed chick

We didn't last. We did not see eye-to-eye.

It's OK though. She was seeing someone on the side anyway.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crosseyed dog jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crosseyed stare piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes