The Best 68 Crossed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crossed jokes. There are some crossed conjunctivitis jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crossed arteries puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crossed Jokes and Puns

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

What do you call a rhinoceros crossed with an elephant?

"el' if I know."

Paddy in New York


Paddy was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.

The officer had done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'

Crossed joke, Paddy in New York

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.


Why did the chicken get an ouija board?

To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.

Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar...

I began to realize my life was one big joke.

Crossed joke, Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar..

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road?

He was rushin'

What would Jesus say if you angered him?

"I'm Crossed."

I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...

I took my dog to the vet, as I noticed his eyes were strangely crossed. When I got to the office, I told the vet the problem with my dog. He picked up my dog and stared into his eyes for a while. Then he spoke up "I'm going to have to put your dog down." he said. "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed. "No." the vet said "Because he's heavy!"

You can explore crossed crosser reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crossed chicken cross the road dad jokes. There are also crossed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Funny unknown historical fact:

Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

What do you call a Mexican in Canada?

ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!

Why was the illegal immigrant so offensive?

Because he crossed the line

A man asks a farmer near a field,

A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.

The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one.

A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.

The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one.

Crossed joke, A man asks a farmer near a field,  Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of goin

Why doesn't Jesus play basketball?

He got crossed up.

what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea

a salt with a deadly wetpen

*hides*

The crossed eyed teacher...

...had trouble controling his pupils.


I hope I don't get rheumatoid arthritis..

Fingers crossed.

Jesus wasn't angry at the soldiers who crucifixed him

He was just crossed.

After a night out with friends a man comes stumbling home late

He's greeted by his wife looking stern with her arms crossed.
She exclaims "Drunk again!"
He replies "Me too!"

Blondes..

My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player?

He got crossed.

I crossed the road, walked into the bar and changed a lightbulb.

It was at that moment I realised my life was a joke.

I used to look both ways before I crossed the street...

then I got health insurance.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

-To get to the idiot's house
-Knock Knock
-Who's there?
-The chicken
-The chicken who?
-The chicken who crossed the road

Why did President Trump cross the road?

"I didn't cross the road. I have never crossed the road. More lies of the MSM. Sad!"

I wonder if JFK ever thought about how he'd die.

At least I know a bullet crossed his mind.

How did the international good shipment feel as it crossed the border?

Tarrified.

If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called

How I banged your mother with two and a half men

What do you call a podium that crossed the alps?

A Hannibal Lectern

Border officer: Do you have anything to declare?

Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid.

Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind?

He's afraid he'll get double crossed

Nurse calls a doctor

β€’Doctor, doctor, come quick, hypochondriac from the room 110 has died.
-God damnit, he really crossed the line this time!

Two Alabama State Troopers

Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"

The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."

My grandmother loves to knit but she was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

She's holding out for some sort of cure. She has her fingers crossed.

What did the two relatives say to each other when they crossed paths in the desert?

Long time no sea.

Why are all immigrants to Finland winners?

Because they all crossed the Finnish line.

How do electricians relax?

They meditate.
*Oooohhhmmmm*

They do it after getting all amped up after a long day. It helps organize the mind after getting their wires crossed.

If you crossed a dog and a bear together, what would you get?

A dead dog.

My friends asked me why I haven't tried to get in bed with my Christian girlfriend yet...

I told them If I nailed her, Jesus would be crossed

What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede?

A Walkie-talkie.

Yesterday evening...

I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on I crossed the road and walked into a bar.

I realised my life was one big joke.

A good-looking woman

A good-looking woman, maybe in her 60s, waked into a bar and sat at the counter next to a dapper gentleman, also in his 60s.
"You remind me of my third husband," she softly remarked.
Startled, he asked, "How many husbands have you had?"
"Two," she said, as a smile crossed her face.

A man gets a letter from his Lawyer

Since he hasn't needed a lawyer in several years he is somewhat surprised by this, so he opens it up and is surprised to see it's bill.

"Hello Bob,

The other day I thought I saw you, I crossed the street to say hello but it wasn't you, so I crossed back.

$50 for time worked"

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

A chicken and an egg are in bed

A chicken and an egg are in bed together.

The chicken has her arms crossed and is glaring at the egg.

The egg has an amused look on his face and is smoking a cigarette.

After few moments the chicken says:

Well I guess we answered THAT question.

I was wondering why the car appeared to be coming so slow, but I crossed the road.

Then it hit me.

I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon...

Some lines must not be crossed.



(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

What is Jesus's least favorite sport?

Basketball

Because he hates being crossed up

An scotsman went to norway for vacation

He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.

I hope my girlfriend likes this new, quirky method that I've devised to pleasure her.

Fingers crossed.

One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar.

Then I realized my whole life was a joke.

Why does the road hate the chicken?

because the chicken crossed him.

what did the singing chicken say when it crossed the road?

Hello from the other sideeeeeeee!!!

I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.

I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.

Guys, I think I know why Jesus got crucified

Someone crossed him

When I passed through Nevada, all i saw were ho's. Then in Utah, I didnt see as many, but there were quite a few ho's if you looked. When I left Salt Lake City, the truth hit me like a brick when I crossed the border...

Idaho.

Want to know why it's called the British Channel, and not the French Channel?

Well to settle the argument a long while ago, British and French noblemen decided to race cats along the Channel for the naming rights.

So the British cat crossed the Channel in,

one, two, three, four and five easy steps.

The French cat attempted the crossing,

Un, duex, trois, cat, sank, therefore being disqualified and losing the race.

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

This morning I woke up, changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.

My life's a joke

today i screwed in a light bulb, crossed the road, walked into a bar,...

and realized that my entire life is a joke.

If Jesus comes back and is crucified again

Does that mean he's been double crossed

My kid asked what we would get if we crossed a rhinoceros and an elephant.

I said, elifino.

I'll only watch a Passion of the Christ sequel under one condition.

Jesus has to say, you crossed the wrong guy!

Nailed it.

The men who murdered Jesus

They never crossed a man they didn't want to kill.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crossed eyed jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crossed crosswalk piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes