Crossed Eyed Jokes

120 crossed eyed jokes and hilarious crossed eyed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crossed eyed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Crossed Eyed Short Jokes

Short crossed eyed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crossed eyed humour may include short cross eyed jokes also.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.... We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend... Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
I used to date a cross-eyed girl. I stopped when I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today Turns out she was seeing someone on the side
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend. We weren't seeing eye-to-eye and she was seeing some dude on the side.
I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression. Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.
You guys hear about the insecure cross-eyed teacher?? Apparently he couldn't control his pupils
I used to date this cross-eyed chick We didn't last. We did not see eye-to-eye.
It's OK though. She was seeing someone on the side anyway.
I dated a cross-eyed girl once, but it didn't end well. Turned out she was seeing other people.
My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression. I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.

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Crossed Eyed One Liners

Which crossed eyed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crossed eyed? I can suggest the ones about cockeyed and cross eye.

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.
There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired Because she couldnt control her pupils.
I had to dump my cross eyed girlfriend I think she was seeing someone else
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today. She was seeing other people.
I broke up with this cross eyed girl... I thought she was seeing someone else.
I once dumped a cross eyed girl... ...thought she was seeing someone else.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired? She didn't have control of her pupils
The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today. He couldn't control his pupils.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.
I had to break up with a cross eyed girl a while back. She was seeing people on the side.
The crossed eyed teacher... ...had trouble controling his pupils.
Never date cross eyed people. They might be seeing somebody on the side!
I used to date a girl who was cross-eyed... She was seeing someone else.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser? He got the sack.
I broke up with my cross eyed girlfriend We could never see eye to eye

Crossed Eyed Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about crossed eyed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean closed eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crossed eyed pranks.

Yo momma's so cross-eyed, she went to a movie and thought it was a double feature.

Q: What did the cross-eyed teacher say?
A: I can't control my pupils!

My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!

Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

A guy with crossed eyes..

..got stuck between a tree.

My First Joke (5-6 years old at the time)

Q: What do you get when you cross a needle with your eye?
A: A big mistake!

LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...

You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Okay,' says the vet. 'Let's have a look at him.' So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No,' replies the vet. 'Because he's really, really heavy.'

Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships

Sometimes when I'm seeing a girl I can't help but also see someone else on the side

What do you called someone who is cross-eyed?

Eye can't even

Just went through a rough breakup with my cross eyed girlfriend.

Turns out she was seeing someone else..
..but the real joke is I don't have a girlfriend.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter?

He *literally* can't even.

Two crossed eyed guys bump into each other in the street...

One says, "why don't you look where you're goin" and the other says "why don't you go where you're lookin!"

You guys ever hear the joke about the cross-eyed seamstress?..

She couldn't mend straight.
Disclaimer: My 80+ year old grandfather told me this joke over the weekend so it is older than sin, figured you guys may enjoy it. Sorry if re-post.

I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...

I took my dog to the vet, as I noticed his eyes were strangely crossed. When I got to the office, I told the vet the problem with my dog. He picked up my dog and stared into his eyes for a while. Then he spoke up "I'm going to have to put your dog down." he said. "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed. "No." the vet said "Because he's heavy!"

There was a convention for lazy-eyed bachelors and bachelorettes. There was a massive turn out: Most of them ended with a perfect mate....

You could say that their eyes crossed in a crowded room.

I knew a guy who was dyslexic...

...but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.

What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel?

A fireside rug you can get a good h**... on.
Source: Jo Brand on QI S3; Cat's Eyes

Can a crossed-eyed teacher...

control her pupils?

What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse?

A solar ellipses...

a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..

The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth.

he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says "i'm gonna have to put him down"

"because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man

"no, because he's really heavy."

I've just split up with my cross eyed girlfriend...

I found out she was seeing someone else

Did you hear about the teacher who was always cross eyed?

She struggled to control her pupils.

What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye?

Pink eye

I had a terrible cross-eyed teacher in primary schoool

She could never keep her pupils under control.

Never marry a cross-eyed woman

They're always seeing someone on the side.

Did you hear about the woman who divorced her cross eyed husband?

He was seeing other women.

What do you call an angry middle-eastern man with bad eyes?

A cross-eyed cross sayed

A man took his dog to the vet

The vet said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down."
"Why, because he's cross-eyed?!" replied the man, incredulous.
"No, because he's really heavy."

I was dating a girl who was cross eyed

Sadly I had to break it off as I always felt she was looking elsewhere

I once dumped a cross eyed chick

I thought she was seeing other people.

My grandmother is so cross-eyed, she dropped a dime..

... And picked up two nickels.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who got fired?

She couldn't keep her pupils straight

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

... I think

A man wanted to go to the hospital. He asked his mother for directions.

She said just close your eyes and cross the street, they will come and get you themselves.

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

My wife was upset because our child was born with crossed eyes..

I told her not to focus on it.

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed guy who broke up with his girlfriend?

She was seeing someone on the side.

I once went out with a girl who was cross eyed

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician in Scotland

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train headed for Scotland. As they cross the border, they see a black sheep. The astronomer cries out, All sheep in Scotland are black. . The physicist says, Some sheep in Scotland are black . The mathematician raises his eyes heavenward and says, In Scotland, there is at least one field, with at least one sheep in it, one side of which is black!

Crossed-eyed people..

A man was walking through the park..

As he is walking down the trail, he notices a tennis ball in the grass. He looks around, doesn't see anybody it might belong to, so he picks it up and puts it in his pocket to take home, thinking the neighbor's dog might enjoy it. After leaving the park to walk home, he comes to a crosswalk. While waiting to cross he see's a gorgeous blonde waiting to cross as well. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices that she is checking him out. Finally, they make eye contact and with a curious look on her face she asks, "What is that bulge in your pants?" "Tennis ball," he replied. "Oh my gosh, that has GOT to hurt" she said "I had tennis elbow once."

West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.

If you see this man staring in your windows,
warn the people next door.

What happened to the cross eyed circumciser?

They got the sack!!

Why was the mouse afraid to cross the road?

It saw the cat's eyes!

What do Battleship, vending machines, explosives, and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

What do vending machines, explosives and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4, and there's a chance someone might get hurt.

My wife told me to stop seeing other women

d**..., I yelled, I'm cross eyed

Me and my cross-eyed wife got a divorce.

We just couldn't see eye to eye.

Two Jewish men are standing in the bathroom and peeing in adjacent urinals

the one to the right finishes doing his business, turns around, and says to his neighbor, Tell me, did Mohel Rabinovich do your bris [i.e. circumcision]? Yes, the other guy responds, how did you know?!!! Well, Rabinovich is a little cross-eyed and you are peeing on my shoes!

My girlfriend dumped me because I'm cross eyed.

I think that's why at least. We never could see eye to eye though.

I used to date a cross eyed girl but we had to break up

She was seeing someone on the side

Did you hear about the lady who was so crossed eyed that when she cries her tears go down her back?

She got back-tear-ia.

Cross-eyed people are born in the middle of the week.

They're looking both ways for Sunday.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Pick up lines for cross-eyed people

When you're in the room both my eyes are on you

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?