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Cross Walk Jokes

95 cross walk jokes and hilarious cross walk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cross walk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cross Walk Jokes

Short cross walk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cross walk humour may include short cross road jokes also.

  1. A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
    The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O"
  2. One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
  3. At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
  4. A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender: "My whole life is a joke."
  5. Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar... I began to realize my life was one big joke.
  6. I crossed the road, walked into the bar and changed a lightbulb. It was at that moment I realised my life was a joke.
  7. An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar. And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.
  8. A chicken walks up to a duck that's considering crossing the road. Don't do it, pal, the chicken says, you'll never hear the end of it.
  9. Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight! One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
    That was the punchline.
  10. Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cross walk can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cross walk puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cross Walk One Liners

Which cross walk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cross walk? I can suggest the ones about crossing road and cross the road.

  1. Today I crossed a road, changed a lightbulb, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
  2. How did Jesus get to the other side of the street? He used the Cross Walk.
  3. A vegan, an atheist, and a cross fitter walk into a bar... ...everyone else leaves.
  4. What's it called when Jesus walks across the street? A cross walk
  5. why did the chicken cross the road? becuz walking around is to long
  6. Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
    A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
  7. How did the lacrosse player cross the road? He used lacrosse walk!
  8. How did Harry Potter cross the road? Walking
    Jk rolling
  9. A black guy with a huge cross walks into an jewish orthodox synagogue Made you look.
  10. Why did Jesus get a ticket? He tried to skip the Cross walk.
  11. Why did the s**... cross the road? I took my dog out for a walk

Cross Walk Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cross walk you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean cross the street jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cross walk prank.

A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"

-Neutrino. Knock knock.


\-We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.
\-Hipsters liked neutrinos before they arrived.
\-I wrote a speed of light joke...but a neutrino beat me to it.
\-A. To prove particles can travel faster than light Q. Why did the neutrino cross the road?
\-I'm going to tweet my neutrino joke yesterday.

A Rabbi, a priest, and a holy roller

walk onto a car lot. After much searching, they all find the car of their dreams. Perfect color, size, gas mileage, and price. They tell the salesman what they want, but he informs them that there is only one of these cars on the lot, and they have no idea when they will get another shipment.
The priest has an idea. "We will let God decide! Let us each bless the car, and God will then choose one of us and let us buy it!"
They all agree to this, so the priest starts saying a rosary and waving a cross over the car's hood. The holy roller starts babbling and splashing the windows with holy water. After about 10 minutes of this, the two men were confused; they hadn't seen the Rabbi since they started...
he was behind the car, cutting two inches off the tailpipe.

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

An Australian man decides to visit New York City...

An Australian man decides to visit New York City one day. After the long flight, he decides that he wants to wander around and see the sites. As he is crossing a busy street however, traffic picks up all around him, and he is stuck in the middle of the road. Several police officers notice his dilemma and halt traffic to help him out. One of the officers walks up to him angrily and asks "What's the matter?! Did you come here to die?"
The Australian man simply replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.
The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"
The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

I may be Jesus. Because today, I realized he and I have something crazy in common...

See I have a tattoo on my back of a Cross. I will be walking around until I did with a Cross on my back. "Okay, A lot of people have Cross tattoos on their back, why do you think you are Jesus?"
Well, the tattoo artist who caused all the pain and put the Cross on my back was Jewish...Crazy right. My name is Jeff, so I always say, "What Would Jefus do?"

A blonde walks up to a crossing next to a builder,

and notices that his boots say L and R on them. "Why do your boots say L and R?" she asks.
"It's so I can remember which one goes on which foot, left or right.", the builder replies.
The blonde says: "Ah, so that's why my p**... say C&A!".

Jesus walks into an inn

With a Cross and some nails. He says to the Innkeeper, "Can you put me up for the night?"

A lawyer writes to his client

...I was walking to work yesterday and I thought I saw you across the street, so I crossed the street to say hello, but turned out that wasn't you. So here is your bill for 5 minutes - $50.

Gosa, the village idiot

Gosa, the village idiot, is walking along the banks of the Nile when Abdullah sees him and calls across from the other side
'Gosa, the Nile is wide and mighty, and the nearest crossing is miles away, how did you get to the other side?'
Gosa, with a smile on his face, replies
'But my dear friend Abdullah, you ARE on the other side!'

Selfless until the end.

For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."

Motel Deal

My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"

A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar...

And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.

Rabbi and A King

A rabbi and a king are traveling the countryside together, talking to people in the area and generally getting to know them better. Before crossing a bridge to the other part of the country, night falls, and they decide to stay at a nearby hotel. They wake up the next morning and head to the bridge a short time later.
Before crossing, a man walks up to them and asks if they are planning to cross the bridge. They reply yes, and the man warns them that a troll lives under the bridge, and kills people by tripping them, resulting in people falling off the bridge and dying. The king and rabbi thank the man and continue on.
They reach the bridge and look across. They do not see any sign of a troll and begin to cross. Halfway across, they see a flash before their eyes, and the king suddenly yells as the troll has begun to trip him.
The rabbi yells, "Wait spare him, trip me instead!" The troll looks back at him, and smiles saying "Silly rabbi, trips are for kings!"

The Pope is walking through the streets of Vatican City...

... and he sees two beggars holding up cans for money. One of them is holding up a Christian cross, and the other a Star of David. The Pope sees that the one with the cross is, of course, getting much more money than the one with the Star of David, with some people only giving money to the Christian to spite the Jew. The Pope decides he has to intervene.
So he taps the Jew gently on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me. I noticed that you didn't have anything in your tin and I wanted to point out that in Vatican City, begging for money with a Star of David isn't a very good method of getting any, especially with a man with a cross next to you. Perhaps you should try a different city?"
The Jewish man laughs out loud, shocking the Pope. He turns to the Christian and exclaims, "Hey Abraham! Look who's trying to teach the Goldberg brothers marketing!"

Why did the hindu cross the road?

Cause I promise him a hindu joke and I had nothing, so he walked away.

I helped an old guy cross the road today

I carried his walking frame. Talk about ungrateful.

A h**... atheist, A dedicated vegan, and an avid cross-fiter walk into a bar. how can you tell which one is which?

They tell you.

Clean Shave

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar

No they didn't, they couldn't decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do.

A duck was standing by the roadside waiting for a break in traffic so it could cross.

It watched the vehicles zooming past, seemingly uncaring of its plight. Just when the mayhem started to lull a chicken walked up and said "Don't do it, mate. You'll never hear the end of it"

Talking street

A man walks up to a street.
The street says to the man:
"Hey!"
The jumps in surprise as the street shouts at him once more.
The man is puzzled.
"Excuse me?" The man said.
"I'm a talking street! I tell you when a car is coming!"
"That's convenient," The man replied.
The road told the man that there where no cars coming.
The man crossed the street.
The man began crossing back to the side in which he came from.
"What are you doing?" Asked the street.
"Double-Crossing you!" The man laughed.
The man promptly got hit by a semi truck.
The Road replied with: "I'm not letting you walk all over me like that!"

A PC gamer, a vegan, and a cross-fitter just walked into a bar.

How do I know this? They have already told everyone in the bar ten times over.

3 guys walk into a car

No not a bar. A car. They were looking at their phones while crossing the street

A drunk walks into a church.

Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
The pastor stops his sermon and just stares at him.
Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
Pastor: "Sir, you are not Jesus. Can you please leave?"
Drunk: "I am. And I can prove it. Follow me!"
The pastor and some church members follow him. He walks down the street a ways, crosses, and enters a bar. The pastor follows.
Drunk: "HEY EVERYBODY!!!"
Bartender: "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?!"

Who is the most politically neutral person in the world?

A pedestrian crossing the road.
He looks left, right and walks straight.
Sorry

The duck and the chicken

So a duck is contemplating whether or not to cross the road, then a chicken walks up to him and tells him
"Don't do it man" the chicken said, "You'll never hear the end of it."

A chicken crosses the road, meets a priest

and a rabbi, they walk into a bar. Inside the bar they realize that there are no people waiting in line to drink punch.

I had a friend who said he liked to practice self control.

I didn't know what he meant until I saw him press the cross walk button only once.

Yesterday evening...

I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was one big joke.

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."

I was waiting for the green light at the crossing and saw an old woman walking with a little child...

The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to University for education and this is what she brought home instead."

A man is jogging along the road when he find an absolutely pristine tennis ball on the ground.

It doesn't seem to belong to anyone. So he picks it up and puts it in his pocket.
While waiting at a cross walk another man notices the bulge and asks "What is that?"
"A tennis ball" he replies.
"Oh, that must hurt a lot! I once had a Tennis Elbow"

If Jesus was killed in 1865,

Christians would be walking around with nooses around their neck instead of crosses.

Elton John

On vacation, Elton John finds himself meandering in a Mediterranean orchard. Spying a tree, Elton decides to relive some boyhood memories and climb a tree, albeit only the first branch.
As Elton sits, his well-heeled (and sparkly) feet dangling, a local boy walks by. Waving, Elton call out, "Would you like anything?"
"Fig!" The boy yells back.
Offended, Elton crosses his arms. "What did you call me?"
"No," the boy replies, pointing, "THAT low hanging fruit!"

Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.

After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."

A vegetarian, an atheist, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

How do you know?
They've already told you

An atheist, vegan, and cross fit athlete walk into a bar.

We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

The bartender walks to them and ask "what is the joke about?"

"A vegan, cross-fitter and a marine walk into a bar..."

"I know because they announced it as soon as they walked in"

Cross the Road

Why did I cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the road cross me?
Because I walked all over him.

An Atheist, a Cross-fitter and a Vegan all walked into a bar...

....I knew because they told everyone in the place within the first five-minutes of arriving!

A Vegan, a Cross-fitter, and an Atheist all walk into a bar...

...I only know because none of them can shut up about it.

A lawyer calls a dog as a witness

The Judge says get that dog out it cannot be a witness
The Lawyer says Don't worry this dog can talk I will prove it.
The dog is sworn on to the podium and the Lawyer begins his cross examination. First he asks the dog Good morning sir, how was the road on your way here? The dog says rough
Then the lawyer asks What is on the top of the building? Roof the dog replies.
Then the lawyer asks the dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Ruth! Exclaims the dog.
The judge has had enough and demands that the dog is removed from the court. As he walks out the dog says Should I have said Hank Aaron?

This morning I woke up, changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.

My life's a joke

A Jewish man is walking down the sidewalk. As he goes to cross the street he is hit by a car and hurled through the air causing him to hit his head. A beautiful woman sees this and takes off her coat as she runs over to the man. She lifts his head and places the jacket under his head.

She tells the man not to move and that she is going to call for an ambulance.
But before she gets up to get her phone out and call she asks the man, Are you comfortable?
To which the man replies, Eh, I make a living.

A monocle walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"

A guy is crossing the street when he comes across a garage sale

A guy is crossing the street when he comes across a garage sale.
He gets closer and starts taking a look at the items on display when he sees this huge TV.
He walks up to the seller and asks him.
- "Hey how much does that TV cost?"
- "It's only 1 dollar."
- "Only 1 dollar? That's a steal, why such a price?"
The seller responds.
- "I'm selling this TV for just 1 dollar because you can not lower the volume, it's always maxed out."
- "So it's 1 dollar because you can't lower the volume?"
- "Yup."
- "Wow, can't turn that down."

today i s**... in a light bulb, crossed the road, walked into a bar,...

and realized that my entire life is a joke.

Yesterday I was walking,

and I was wondering why everyone always told me to look both ways before crossing a street. And then it hit me.

The nurse

A man walks into a bar, ends up getting into a horrible bar fight and is lying on the floor injured. "Don't worry," says the bartender, a Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming to help you.' "Oh no," groans the victim, "couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...

Farming experiment

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

s**... at 73.

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have
s**... at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too
far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have to cross the road!

A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.

They are shown into a room where a n**... woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

Red Cross nurse

A guy walks into a bar and trips and falls sustaining a horrible injury. "Hold still," the bartender exclaims. "We have a Red Cross nurse right here that can help you!" "Just my luck," mutters the guy, "Why couldn't I have a blonde cheerful nurse instead?"

My wife and I were walking in Rome. The was a lone old guy at the other side of the street. My wife said, He looks like the Pope in civilian clothes. Go and ask!

So I crossed the road and asked the old man if he was indeed the Pope.
He said, F**k off.
I went back to my wife who eagerly asked, Well? Tell me, is he the Pope?
I said, He told me to f**k off.
Oh no, said my wife, Now we'll never know.

A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says

"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."
"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"
"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.
As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he of course refuses. Arriving back at the abbey, he happens upon the Mother Superior. Curiosity gets the better of him and he asks, "Mother...er...what's a naughty?
She replies "Two hundred dollars, just like in Kings Cross."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cross walk jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.