Cross The Street Jokes
136 cross the street jokes and hilarious cross the street puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cross the street that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cross The Street Short Jokes
Short cross the street jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cross the street humour may include short cross the road jokes also.
- I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, Wow! That could have been me! Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.
- What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people looking both ways before they start
- They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris… Then they realized nobody can cross chuck norris and live.
- A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender: "My whole life is a joke."
- I hate optimists. They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.
- Why did the console gamer cross the road? Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the buildings across the street.
- Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke
- A man wanted to go to the hospital. He asked his mother for directions. She said just close your eyes and cross the street, they will come and get you themselves.
- There was a street in my town named after Chuck Norris but the council had to rename it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives
- There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown.... ...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Share These Cross The Street Jokes With Friends
Cross The Street One Liners
Which cross the street one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cross the street? I can suggest the ones about crossing the street and crossing the road.
- How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto In a bucket
- Why did the boomer cross the street? To show how it's done.
- Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell the people across the street she's vegan.
- Why did sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street? She got hit by a Bus.
- Why did the bones cross the street? They didn't, the dogs ate them.
- Why didn't the pc gamer cross the street ? Because he's morbidly obese
- How did Jesus get to the other side of the street? He used the Cross Walk.
- Why couldn't Jesus cross the street alone? He had two holed hands.
- Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.
- Q: Why did the cow cross the street? A: To get to the udder side.
- She died doing what she loved... Looking at her phone while crossing the street
- What did the mouse say the ant crossing the street? Hello, fellow road-ant
- Why did the nose cross the street? No body nose.
- Why did the old lady keep crossing the street? She was in Harlem.
- I used to look both ways before I crossed the street... then I got health insurance.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Street Jokes
Here is a list of funny why did the chicken cross the street jokes and even better why did the chicken cross the street puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't the chicken care to cross the street? It wasn't hungry.
- Why did the Chicken cross the street? Beak-cause, she didn't want to chicken out.
- Why did the chicken and the freemason cross the street? To get the Yolk Rite.
- What did the chicken say to the egg as it was crossing the street? After you.
- Why did the russian chicken cross the street? It was escaping from the KFC.
- Why did the chicken cross the street I don't know. Ask *Kim Jong Un*
- Why did the console chicken cross the street? To render the other side.
- Why did the man cross the street when he saw the chicken foot? Because he suspected fowl play was afoot!
- Why did the chicken cross the street? To meet Dave.
- Why did the chicken cross the street? To get laid.
Uproarious Cross The Street Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about cross the street you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crossing road jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cross the street pranks.
Q: Why did the cow cross the street? A: To get to the udder side.
A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."
A turtle that was crossing the street was mugged one day. The policemen came to help and asked him what happened. He replied, "I am not sure, it happened too fast."
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....
The truck driver jumps out to check on her.
Are you all right? he asks.
Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.
The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?
Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!
Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.
The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
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Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".
Ketchup and rubber buns
DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".
KID: Gotcha.
DAD: what did you buy at the store?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What did you have for dinner?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What do you do when an old lady crosses the street?
KID: Ketchup and rub....... HEY!
p**... in New York
p**... was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.
The officer had done this several times, and p**... still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, p**... went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'
How does a blond cross the road?
A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.
The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"
The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"
What did the viola say to her daughter before crossing the street?
You better C^♯ or you'll B^♭
A lawyer writes to his client
...I was walking to work yesterday and I thought I saw you across the street, so I crossed the street to say hello, but turned out that wasn't you. So here is your bill for 5 minutes - $50.
A man was crossing the street when suddenly..
He gets hit by a car. Worried that he might go to the police, the driver gives the victim 10 bucks to let him get away and not go to the police. Feeling lucky, the man takes the money and then asks the driver:
- Sir, do you come here often?
Selfless until the end.
For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
Two crossed eyed guys bump into each other in the street...
One says, "why don't you look where you're goin" and the other says "why don't you go where you're lookin!"
How did the hood rat cross the street?
to ghetto the other side
Two tomatoes are crossing the street...
One starts lagging behind and gets hit by a car. The other says "hey ketchup".
Why did Jahrett Salkey cross the street?
Cause he was a fuckboi
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street and gets hit by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
A policeman is despatched to inform the unfortunate man's family:
"There's no easy way to say this..."
What's it called when Jesus walks across the street?
A cross walk
Why did h**... cross the street?
To get to the GENO-SIDE!
How did Darth Vader cross the street?
Ewoked.
Why did the s**... cross the street?
Because i put on the wrong socks.
A man has a car accident...
A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.
'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.
'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'
'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'
'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'
A Paladin goes into a mechanic's shop...
A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"
The mechanic responds almost immediately. "Oh, yeah. What you've got there is a problem with your alignment."
Why did the console peasant cross the street?
To render the building on the other side!
An Australian is visiting England...
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
When the dog saw the cat, why did he cross the street?
He was chasing tail. ^I'll^show^myself^out...
How did Fozzie Bear cross the street?
He waka, waka, waka!
Chuck norris...enough said
There used to be a street near the school called Chuck Norris street, but they had to change the name, because no one crosses chuck norris and lives
Why did the console gamer cross the street?
To render the rest of the buildings
I once helped an elderly Japanese man cross the street.
Afterwards he said, "Sank you." So I punched him in the face.
He didn't have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that.
Why did the blind man cross the street ?
At least he tried ......
Why did the one armed man cross the street?
To find a second hand arms dealer...
(changeup on ShaclOne's joke)
3 guys walk into a car
No not a bar. A car. They were looking at their phones while crossing the street
Why did the trigonometruc function cross the street?
It did not want to lie tangent to it
Stephen Hawking is a terrible role model for our kids.
He only looks one way when crossing the street
Why did Stevie Wonder run away from the black cat crossing the street under a ladder?
He was very Superstitious.
A drunk walks into a church.
Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
The pastor stops his sermon and just stares at him.
Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
Pastor: "Sir, you are not Jesus. Can you please leave?"
Drunk: "I am. And I can prove it. Follow me!"
The pastor and some church members follow him. He walks down the street a ways, crosses, and enters a bar. The pastor follows.
Drunk: "HEY EVERYBODY!!!"
Bartender: "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?!"
Why did the one hand skeleton cross the street?
To get to the second hand store!
A woman asks her husband:
Woman: Honey, what if someone on the street tried to hit on me and said: "Hey beautiful."?
Husband: Help him cross the road! He must be blind!
Why did the cucumber cross the street?
Because it was green.
What do you call a n**... member crossing the street?
A pederastrian
Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream?
He forgot to look both ways before crossing the street
How long have I been married?
Long enough I don't look both ways when I cross the street.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
He wasn't wearing a seat belt
-my friend ben
Why did the s**... cross the street?
I wore the wrong sock this morning.
What's the difference between an undergrad and a grad?
Grads don't look both ways before crossing the street
What would you do if you saw a fat lady crossing the street?
Ketchup and liquor
What do you get when you cross a street lamp and a bad comedian?
u/TheJenkinsComic
^^^(sorry buddy I had to do it, LOL)
An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.
"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"
I look both ways before crossing a one street.
That is how much faith I have left for humanity.
I tried to help an old lady cross the street.
Apparently, cars don't do a good job pushing people.
A man gets a letter from his Lawyer
Since he hasn't needed a lawyer in several years he is somewhat surprised by this, so he opens it up and is surprised to see it's bill.
"Hello Bob,
The other day I thought I saw you, I crossed the street to say hello but it wasn't you, so I crossed back.
$50 for time worked"
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
When you cross the line you're only half way.
Adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street
And then getting hit by an airplane.
A guy crossing the street is hit by a car and he is hurled to the street.. The driver yells out the window "watch out"!
The man on the street yelled back "why? Are you coming back"?
