Cross Jokes

Following is our collection of crossin puns and crucifixion one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cross jokes for adults, dirty crossfit jokes and clean chicken cross the road dad gags for kids.

The Best Cross Puns

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, Wow! That could have been me!

Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To take a photo in front of a church.


Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time?

Because the sign says no trespassing.

Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?

So the chicken could cross the road

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says No Tres passing

What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning.

How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto

In a bucket

What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

What do you get if you cross a highway with a fridge?

Killed.

Why the crab cross the road?

It didn't, it used the sidewalk.


Why is Jesus always shown having a 6 pack?

Because of all his cross training

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell someone he was a vegan.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?

Because it says "No Trespassing".

Why did the EA executive cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!

My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once.

What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

Why did the console gamer cross the road

To render the other side

What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?

A Golden Receiver.

Why did the sperm cross the street?

I wore the wrong sock this morning.

Why did the gamer cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out

Why did the sperm cross the road

Because I wore the wrong pair of socks today

What do you get when you cross Henry VIII and Vlad the Impaler?

Executed.

When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

A: To get to the same side!

At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade

I had to dump my cross eyed girlfriend

I think she was seeing someone else

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls

Why did Goku cross the road?

Find out next time on Dragonball Z!

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.

"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.

The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:

"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

What do you get when you cross a Kangaroo and an Elephant?

A letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and a withdrawl of your grant money.

I'm Mexican

I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
They cross the line.

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's?

No tres passing

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She didn't wear a seatbelt.

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and The Queen?

Killed in a tunnel

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with The Titanic?

About half way..

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Why did the double agent cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?

A mistake



- I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.

[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?

Orange Jews from concentrate

My cute younger brother's contribution.

Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician

Sherlock Ohms

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

(sorry if this offends anyone)

Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?

It's a non-prophet organization.

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin ΞΈ


Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

What do you get if you cross Putin with a...

Bang! You don't cross Putin!

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

swimming trunks! :D

What do you get when you cross alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

I broke up with this cross eyed girl...

I thought she was seeing someone else.

I once dumped a cross eyed girl...

...thought she was seeing someone else.

What do you get when you crossbreed a Chihuahua with a German Shepherd?

A que-nein.

What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport?

Cross country

What do you get when you cross a dylexsic, insomiac and a agnostic?

Someone who stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Christians don't get angry.

They hey cross.

What do you get when you cross Hitler with Osama bin laden?

Nein 11

It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means...

Jesus was a repost.

What do you get when you cross necrophilia with group sex?

Popping open a cold one with the boys

Turkey cross the road

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

What do you get when you cross a cat and an octopus?

A strong reprimand from the ethics committee and immediate recission of all funding.

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

What do yu get when you cross a Jew?

Christianity.

What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar...

Oh, they already told you about it too?

How did the sperm cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks.

Why did the ghost cross the road?

To come back from the other side.

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?

Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?

We're from the Red Cross.

I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.

What's the difference between a guy dying on a cross and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 2000 years.

Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?

To get to the other slide

Two cats cross a river... first cats name is un deux trois. The second cats name is one two three. Which cat made it across?

The second cat because un deux trois cat sank.

What do you get when you cross babies with soldiers?

Infantry.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

There is an abundance of mix jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes and cross puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any eleph witze you can hear about cross.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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