Cross Country Jokes
71 cross country jokes and hilarious cross country puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cross country that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cross Country Short Jokes
Short cross country jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cross country humour may include short track and field jokes also.
- The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
- I was once attempted a cross-country marathon in Scandinavia …but I quit at the Finnish line
- What would happen if Sweden invaded the country to the East of them? They would cross the Finnish line.
- I was reading a book on cross country and kept coming across this one joke... It was a running joke
- If the last Wolverine movie is a cross country chase... then why isn't it called Logan's Run?
- I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip. You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves
- If the Wu-Tang Clan started a cross-country shipping company, would you use them? Nah. Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthing ta truck wit.
- Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip? He's weeping the nation.
- Just saw a guy from Helsinki dominate the cross-country skiing event at the Winter Olympics He led the race from start to Finnish.
- Mexicans used to excel at cross-country... ... but Donald Trump could be the reason they get a gold in pole-vaulting
Share These Cross Country Jokes With Friends
Cross Country One Liners
Which cross country one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cross country? I can suggest the ones about running race and running track.
- What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country
- What would be the main event at the immigrant olympics? Cross country.
- What's Vladimir Putin's favorite sport? Cross-country
- I Gave Up Cross Country Skiing. Ever since it's all been downhill.
- Cross country is good for your health in the long run
- What's a European immigrant's favorite high school sport? Cross country
- A business that sells crucifix shaped skis called 'cross country'
- I ran cross country in the phillipenes didn't expect I'd have to swim, too.
- Why is Jesus so fit? Because he ran cross-country
- I really have to hand to it people in cross country It's really one hill of a sport.
- Where do the American Olympic cross country champions come from? Mexico
- I ran cross country back in high school. But I only made it as far as Pennsylvania.
- The cross country athlete disappeared Some think he ran away.
- What do you use to ship manure cross-country? A semi-colon
- What's a somali's favorite sport? Cross-country
Giggle-Inducing Cross Country Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about cross country you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marathon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cross country pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team.
But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
Perfect memory
A man is driving cross country and pulls into a rest stop. As he's about to leave a traveling side show gets out of their truck. The bearded lady, the midget, the guy tattooed to look like a tiger all file out and head into the rest stop and an old Indian stays behind.
The man walks up to the Indian and says "what's your bit, you look totally normal."
"I have perfect memory. Ask me anything."
"Alright. What did you have for breakfast June 17, 1983?"
"Eggs"
Satisfied with the answer the man walks back to his car and drives off.
A few years later he's at a circus and he sees the same side-show. He seeks out the old Indian and greets him by saying "How"
"Scrambled"
Jewish ad campaign
Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he saw the first billboard ad. There it was - a picture of Christ on the Cross, with the caption: "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Moskowitz Nails."
The old man immediately met with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He explained that the backlash could be horrendous. The company could be ruined. The sons agreed to discontinue that ad.
A week later the old man was again taking his usual Sunday drive when he saw the second billboard ad. There it was - - a picture of the same cross, empty, with Christ crumpled on the ground below... and the caption: "Next Time Use Moskowitz Nails."
Another Soviet Joke
In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.
"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"
Illya thought a moment and replied, "Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."
"Wonderful," his teacher replied, "you truly helped your country. And you, Alexander Michaelovich, what did you do this weekend to help the Collective?"
"Well, you see Katerina Maximovna, I was helping Illya to help the old lady cross the street."
"OK. Good work. You certainly helped your nation and your fellow comrads." Katerina then looked at Dimitri Fyodorovich.
"And you, Dimitri Fyodorovich. What did you do this weekend to benefit the Collective?"
Dimitri thought for a moment, and then said, "Katerina Maximovna, you see, I was also helping Alexander and Illya to help the old woman across the street."
Katerina Maximovna paused a moment, and then with a confused look she said, "OK, Dimitri Fyodorovich, it is always good to help others. But I am confused. Why did it take three strong young boys to help one old babushka across the street?"
Dimitri thought for a moment and answered, "Well, you see, she didn't want to cross."
Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome...
...One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross.
The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit here with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just to prove a point."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turning to the beggar with the Cross, said, "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him, the other one is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by;He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says:
"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country, this city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the cross and said:
"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about
marketing!"
This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke.
This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke. he pulls into a small town and leaves his car with the local mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will be done in about 3 hours and he should go wander the town for a while. So the penguin wanders around, checking a few stores, and then getting ice cream. He checks his watch and realizes it had been 3 hours already. When he gets back, the mechanic tells him "Looks like you just blew a seal". The penguin quickly wiped his beak, embarrassed and replied "No no, I swear it's just ice cream!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The craziest dream
Three young guys traveling together walk into a motel and find out there is only one room left and that room has only one bed. Since it's the only motel in town, the guys decide to s**... it up for the night and share the bed. They get to their room, squeeze in, and quickly fall asleep.
The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says, "I had the craziest dream. I dreamt I was getting the best h**... of my life."
The guy on the right side says, "That's amazing, I had the same dream!"
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "Wow, I had the weirdest dream! I was cross-country skiing really, really fast..."
Two men travel by train
The journey is very long as they need to cross several European countries. One of them constantly asks at which country they currently are out of boredom. The other man replies correctly by not even looking outside the window.
How do you do that without looking?
Every country has its very specific climate. It's not that hard. Here, let me show you.
He places his hand outside the window every few hours and replies.
Right now we are going through Germany, because my hand is wet.
Right now we are going through Greece, because my hand feels warm.
Right now we are going through Bulgaria, because … my watch is missing.
In Lebanon, a christian man falls in love with a muslim woman...
Her parents won't allow him to marry her unless he converts to islam. The man goes to see the sheikh and is told that he has to circumcise. He reluctantly agrees and gets married.
A month later, the man is walking down Hamra street, with a gold chain around his neck attached to a crucifix on his chest. The sheikh sees him and the crucifix and stops him to say: "My son what are you doing? you are a muslim now. why are you wearing that cross on your chest?".
The man looks at him and says: "Well you know sheikh, I thought that with the country being unstable, if I were to get killed and I go up to heaven and find that Jesus is there, I would unbutton my shirt and show him the crucifix. He might be merciful and allow me in".
The sheikh is quiet for a while, then he asks: "But my son, what would happen if you find that Muhammad is up there?".
The man says: "I will unbutton my trousers and show him my..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cross-country skiing.
Three guys check into a ski resort hotel. The hotel only has one single room vacant so the guys agree to share the room and the bed. On the next day, the guy sleeping on the right said, "What a wonderful dream I had! I dreamt that a cute blonde chick was giving me a h**...."
The guy on the left replied, "That's the exact same dream I had! I also dreamt that a cute blonde chick was giving me a h**...." Finally, the guy sleeping in the middle said, "I had a boring dream, I was just cross-country skiing."
Motel Deal
My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...
Rabbi and A King
A rabbi and a king are traveling the countryside together, talking to people in the area and generally getting to know them better. Before crossing a bridge to the other part of the country, night falls, and they decide to stay at a nearby hotel. They wake up the next morning and head to the bridge a short time later.
Before crossing, a man walks up to them and asks if they are planning to cross the bridge. They reply yes, and the man warns them that a troll lives under the bridge, and kills people by tripping them, resulting in people falling off the bridge and dying. The king and rabbi thank the man and continue on.
They reach the bridge and look across. They do not see any sign of a troll and begin to cross. Halfway across, they see a flash before their eyes, and the king suddenly yells as the troll has begun to trip him.
The rabbi yells, "Wait spare him, trip me instead!" The troll looks back at him, and smiles saying "Silly rabbi, trips are for kings!"
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome
One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross.
The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit here with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just to prove a point."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turning to the beggar with the Cross, said, "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
Where do black person go to travel cross-country?
The Newport
(My first joke, sorry if bad 8>)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and the girls cross country team?
The pygmy cannibals are cunning runts.
Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome
Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially if you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite!"
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
What do you get when you cross Stephen Colbert with the entire country of England?
John Oliver
Hit a rooster
A traveling salesman was driving through farm country. He took his eye off the road for a second, then all of a sudden "WHAM!" -- he ran over a rooster crossing the road.
He stopped the car, got out, confirmed the rooster was dead, and saw a nearby farmhouse. He drove up to the house, knocked on the door, and an old farmer answered. The salesman said, "I was driving past and I think I accidentally ran over your rooster. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm more than willing to replace him."
The farmer looked puzzled for a minute, and finally shrugged his shoulders and said "Suit yourself. The hens are around the back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a poem contest in South Carolina.
It's down to two contestants...one Harvard grad and one old r**... from the Low Country. They each have 5 minutes to come up with a poem, but they have to use the word "Timbuktu" in the poem to win. The Harvard grad goes first.
"Swiftly cross the desert sands,
Strode a lonely caravan.
One by one on camels drew,
Destination: Timbuktu."
The crowd goes crazy, thinking there's no way the r**... can top that. He walks to the mic, spits out his w**... of tabacco, ponders a second and says:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three w**... in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the immigrants cross the border?
Because their country is a s**....
Engineers are using tracking to try to distinguish an autonomous vehicle on a cross country road trip from a human-driven car.
They call it the Touring Test.
I was in the lead when it all started going downhill-
-and that's how I won the cross country race.
A Poem about Timbuktu
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
Donald Trump, Angela Merkel, and Vladimir Putin are being chased by a horde of angry Arab bandits.
"Please stop chasing us, I'll pay you!" Trump screams, but the bandits just keep charging.
"Please stop chasing us, I can get your countries accepted into the EU!" Merkel yells, but the bandits seem to dislike this offer and continue the charge.
"I have an idea," says Putin. He turns around to face the bandits, smiles, and says, "Prevyet, comrades! You are now crossing the border of the mighty Russian Federation!"
All the bandits flee screaming.
Two homeless are on the street in front of the Vatican...
One has a big cross and the other a star of David. The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them. He says to the beggar under the star of David, "my son this is a Catholic country. You're never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I'll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you."
The one beggar turns to the other and says, "hey Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!"
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian Says: We Used My Fishing Rod, So I Get First 2 Wishes.
First: I Want All The Capitalists Out Of My Glorious Country.
Second: I Want A Big Wall Around Russia, Nobody Can Cross.
Then Ukrainian Has A Dialogue With The Fish
- Is The Wall Done?
- Yes
- Is It Strong And Durable?
- Yes
- Nobody Can Climb It?
- Nobody
- And Nobody But Moscovites Inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then Fill It Up With s**... Up To The Edges
