Crops Jokes

Following is our collection of agriculture puns and grower one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Crops jokes for adults, dirty cornfield jokes and clean corn dad gags for kids.

The Best Crops Puns

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

What pollinated most of the world's crops and doesn't take any of the credit?

A humblebee

God was handing out talents one morning

To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.

God stooped down low and found a man waiting in the darkness, just before dawn. He gave him the power to sprinkle water on the grass as the sun rose. The angels were confused. "You gave amazing abilities to all others. Can this one really care for himself with such a small talent?"

God simply replied, "He will learn to make dew."

An increasing number of farmers are losing their crops due to drought

It's a growing problem.

How do you harvest crops in the winter?

With an ice sickle

Watermelon Farmer.

This is the best joke I know so I thought I would share, as far as I know it's original.

A successful watermelon farmer is having some trouble. Some kids keep stealing his crops at night while he sleeping.
To scare them away he makes a sign saying "Caution: One of these watermelons are poisoned".

The next morning, he wakes up to this sign: "Caution: Now two of these watermelons are poisoned".

What does Farmer Travis Scott do when his crops are ready?

He goes Sickle Mode

What did the weed farmer say when he saw a herd of cattle eating his crops?

The steaks are high.

I put all of my crops and produce in wheelchairs...

That way all of my vegetables feel special.

A king outlawed hunting in his kingdom

Pretty soon, deer and elk populations were out of control, eating the commoners' crops and becoming a general nuisance. The people revolted and overthrew the king, thus making it the first time in history a reign had been called on account of game.

Boll Weavels

There were two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star.

His brother just stayed home and slept. You could say he was the lesser of two weavels.

Boll weevils are detrimental to cotton crops. If you had to have boll weevils on your farm, which do you want, a big weevil or a little weevil?

The little weevil, because you always want the *lesser of two weevils.*

My botany professor just told us this.

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?


Read about that farmer who lost a whole load of crops when crossing the river.

Turns out his boat was full of leeks.

A disgraced academic, now farmer, surveying the crops...

Finally, I am out standing in my field

Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin?

Because he had my grains

What did the field say to the farmer with no crops?

Stop fallowing me!

Bought an ant farm the other year.

They are right lazy! A whole year and they havent grown me any crops yet!

Did you hear about the farmer who was cultivating using electrostatics?

His crops started generating fields.

A gardener found unwanted scallions growing in with his crops

His garden sprung a leek.

Organ donation study reaches same conclusions as earlier study on GMO's

Studies have shown a strong correlation between the sexual identity of patients and whether they're able to accept various different donor organs. In particular, the bodies of aggressively heterosexual patients tend to reject donor organs.

As with studies earlier this year on genetically modified crops, researchers concluded from this data that straight men don't like trans plants.

The farmer's maid requested a plane

so she could dust the crops

What game do farmers play as kids?

Crops and robbers

Farmer jokes

A farmer sweats his blood and tears to harvest his crops for every year.He does not see everyone in the village for his own hard working.

A man gets arrested for stealing crops on the river Nile.

It's like he robbed a bank or something!

Ol McDonald had a farm, E I E I O.

And on that farm he grew some crops. D E A Don't know!

And a puff puff there,
And a puff puff here,
There a puff, here a puff,
Everywhere a puff puff!

If Demeter is the goddess of crops...

Does that make Diameter the goddess of crop circles?

There is an abundance of graze jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes and crops puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any botanist witze you can hear about crops.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes