Crocodiles Jokes

Following is our collection of downstream puns and shark one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Crocodiles jokes for adults, dirty octopussy jokes and clean frogs dad gags for kids.

The Best Crocodiles Puns

It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.

One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet

but most have just four.

Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft

But most have 4

Why are crocodiles long and green?

Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.


Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?

They keep getting stuck in de Nile

Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet!

Although most just grow 4.

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles.

I told them to make it snappy.

Crocodiles are easy.

They try to kill and eat you.

People are harder.

Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile


Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

anti crocodile substances

a man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town

one day his neigbhour called the police because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets

when the police came they asked the man:" what are you pouring on the streets? "

the guy said: "i was pouring anti crocodile liquids "

the officer said:" but there are no crocodiles in this town"

the guy said" you are welcome"

My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...

... he's Lacoste intolerant

Went to the zoo to watch the monkeys wanking.

Then I went to watch the crocodiles and I was still wanking.

A tourist walks near Amazon river on a very hot day.

It's really hot and he wants to swim in the cool water. He asks a local:

-Are there any crocodiles in the river?

The local guy:

-No, there are no crocodiles...

The tourist jumps into the water.

The local:

-...because piranhas ate all of them!

Who did the crocodiles call when they found one of their own dead?

The investiGATOR

A mentally ill man visits his doctor

This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:

A mentally ill man visits his doctor.

While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."

to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"

Why won't Egyptian Crocodiles accept the truth?

Because they're in De Nile.


Why do crocodiles always feel sad?

Because they're in the Nile

Did you know crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet?

But most only have 4 :)

Two Crocodiles were walking together when they bumped into a dinosaur...

Worried that they were going to get eaten, one said to the other: Dyouthinkhesaurus?

Why do crocodiles only roll cigarettes with Rizla papers?

Because they can't do Zig-Zags.

1 out of 4 crocodiles can't get boners

they have ereptile dysfunction

My wife told me to get out the river because of crocodiles, I told her there aren't any crocodiles.

She said I was in denile.

What do crocodiles serve at dinner time?

Death rolls

Why is it forbidden to enter the jungle after 8 PM ?

Because then the elephants start jumping out of the trees.

And why do the crocodiles have a flat mouth?

They entered the jungle after 8 PM.

Today at a work a few customers told me they were in denial about the approaching snow storm...

I told them to watch out for crocodiles.

Have you heard about this man who took his mother-in-law to the zoo and threw her into the crocodile pool?

He is now being sued by SPCA for being cruel to the crocodiles

Crocodiles can't put their tongues out

So if you are being taunted in a swamp, It probably is an alligator.

This used to be a Pepsi fan, but then there was the huge Gatorade scandal

I still can't believe they use crocodiles instead of real gators!

There is an abundance of river jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 31 funniest jokes and crocodiles puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any upstream witze you can hear about crocodiles.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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