The Best 84 Crocodile Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crocodile jokes. There are some crocodile snake jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crocodile investigator puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crocodile Jokes and Puns

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when

a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?

George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.

She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.

The woman says to George: "If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you."

George says: "It must be a crocodile?"

She replies: "Close enough"

What do you call a muslim crocodile?

An Allahgator!

Crocodile joke, What do you call a muslim crocodile?

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?

What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?

Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?
A: Crocodile Dunsee


What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?

An Alley-Gator

An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....

A crocodile on a leash in his left hand, and a parrot on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have three pints of Guinness please".

The bartender looks at the Irishman.

Looks at the penguin.

Looks at the crocodile.

Looks at the parrot.

Looks back to the Irishman and says,

"What's all this supposed to be then? Some kind of joke?"

Crocodile joke, An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....

A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.

The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"

So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.

The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."

What's the difference between a crocodile and a toothbrush?

You can't brush your teeth with a crocodile.

A crocodile wouldn't blow up his house, but a Dino might

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid.
<3

You can explore crocodile gatoraids reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crocodile alligator dad jokes. There are also crocodile puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a White Crocodile?

A Crocasian

Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet

but most have just four.

how do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

one will see you later,
and the other in a while

What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile?

The spelling and pronunciation.

What do you call a lazy crocodile?

A procrastigator (I'm trash)

Crocodile joke, What do you call a lazy crocodile?

Pricey set of teeth

A tourist was admiring a tribal necklace at a gift shop during her honeymoon in India.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Crocodile teeth" the salesman beamed.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that crocodile teeth mean as much to you as pearls do to us"

"Of course not!" he objected.

"Anybody can open an oyster"

Who did the crocodiles call when they found one of their own dead?

The investiGATOR

What do you call a crocodile in a band?

A crocstar


Why should you never play poker with a crocodile?

You will lose every hand.

A Pitbull and Weiner dog get into a fight.

Weiner dog rips the Pitbull into shreds. Terrified Pitbull owner says: - what kind of a dog is this? - how much did you pay for it? The Weiner owner says: -well, I paid $100 for a crocodile and $10000 for the plastic surgery.

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?

In da-Nile

Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet!

Although most just grow 4.

An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital.

FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo.

A crocodile goes to the doctor..

It turns out the crocodile was suffering from ereptile dysfunction.

(NSFW) It's been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived...

With animals in his heart.

Walks into a Bar

Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure." "Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."

What you call a crocodile covered with tortillas?

A tacodile

The crocodile refused to admit fault...

He was in the Nile.

*I'll see myself out*

What do you get when you have unprotected sex with a crocodile?

Gator AIDS.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.

What results when you cross a Hippo and a Crocodile?

Pretty sure you die.

Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft

But most have 4

Why don't alligators use phones?

Because they don't know how to crocodile

If Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter was wearing sunscreen that day he would still be alive

Sunscreen protects against harmful rays

What do you call a crocodile with a map and compass ?

A navigator.

A crocodile tried to have sex but couldn't...

He had a reptile dysfunction

did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?

he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.

A crocodile and a dog meet.

The croc looks at the dog with disdain and says: "Hey, flea bag!"

The dog looks back at the croc and says: "Hey, hand bag!"

Did you hear about the crocodile who couldn't get it up?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

What do you call a a homosexual crocodile?

A gaytor

Did You Hear About The Egyptian Crocodile That Heard About His Wife Cheating?

He's in De-Nile

What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth?

A bus full of old people..

What has 2 eyes and 100 teeth?

A crocodile

3 Belgians are sitting next to a river

3 Belgians are sitting next to a river, A crocodile swims past and they start to throw rocks at it. The crocodile gets angry and begins to swim towards them. 2 of them run and climb in a tree. They shout to the other "Why are you staying there, you better run before the crocodile comes!"
He replies "Why I didn't throw any Rocks"

I went to a prosthetist after a crocodile bit me off at the wrist.

Unfortunately he was too busy to give me a hand.

Just remembered my favourite dad joke of all time.

"Bring me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy."

Crocodiles are easy.

They try to kill and eat you.

People are harder.

Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

Why are crocodiles long and green?

Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.

Science tip: You can differentiate between an alligator and a crocodile...

...by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.

This weekend we saw a crocodile that had trouble swimming,

Does anyone know where we can find medication for a reptile dysfunction?

There's an easy way to distinguish an alligator from a crocodile.

It's a very simple technique. One you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later!

Zoology Tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset?

They both cayman last.

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

What do you call a crocodile driving a BMW?

A tailgator.

Why was the female crocodile disappointed in her mate?

He had a reptile dysfunction

[Warning] Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay username Anna_C_Harlatan25

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her, but when it arrived it was snake skin!

Anna conned her.

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

How to tell a alligator from a crocodile

One will see you later

What do you call a crocodile that will only eat sacrificed lambs?

A Halalligator.

I gave my Japanese friend a Lacoste top as a gift.

He smiled and said 'Arigato'

I'm fairly certain their logo a crocodile...

I said to my friend," Goodbye crocodile."

"See you later masturbator",was his reply

What do you call a friendly crocodile ?

An ally-gator.

What do you call a crocodile that goes for the wrong hole?

Analigator!

What do you call a cold crocodile?

A refrigergator

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile

What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction....

Lake Flaccid.

A group of charity workers are sent to africa to see how their program is working.

They are walking down a street and see a crocodile with mans head in its mouth. When they get home and are asked about how their trip went one of them says "we can cut all funding, they got Lacoste sleeping bags"

If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile

It's in the bye laws

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile

There's a good chance he's in da-nile!

Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers

"See you later" - Alligator

"After while" - Crocodile

What do you call a religious crocodile?

An Allah Gator!

That's not a Crocodile Dundee reference...

THIS is a Crocodile Dundee reference.

anti crocodile substances

a man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town

one day his neigbhour called the police because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets

when the police came they asked the man:" what are you pouring on the streets? "

the guy said: "i was pouring anti crocodile liquids "

the officer said:" but there are no crocodiles in this town"

the guy said" you are welcome"

Why did the female crocodile leave her husband?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.

Can I have Reptile Assitance?

A: what?

B: you know, reptile assistance.

A: what are you talking about?

B: Reptile assistance. you know, crocodile help

A: WHAT!?

B:...

A:...

B: can I have a Gatorade?

A: \*flips table\*

A zookeeper calls an ambulance and says: "Help, a crocodile took my leg off!"

The EMT asks: "Oh my god, which one?"
"I don't know", the zookeeper says, " those bastards all look the same!"

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

A man finds a crocodile in his yard

He goes to the police station and asks, what to do with it.

Policeman: Take it to the zoo

Man: Ok

The next day the policeman notices the same man approaching him

Policeman: So, how did it go

Man: yeah, yesterday we took him to the zoo. Shall we take him to a movie today?

The easiest way to distinguish between an aligator and a crocodile

Is to know whether it will see you later or in a while.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.

The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crocodile aligator jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crocodile reptilian piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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