Crocodile Jokes
131 crocodile jokes and hilarious crocodile puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about crocodile that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious Crocodile Jokes and puns! From Crocodile Dundee to the Crocodile Hunter, and from crocodile tears to crocodile animation, we've got funny gags about leather, caiman and even Gatoraids! Read on for a good laugh.
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Funniest Crocodile Short Jokes
Short crocodile jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crocodile humour may include short alligator jokes also.
- TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand. Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
- Teacher: how do you spell 'crocodile' Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: no, that's wrong.
Kid: no, I'm right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it. - Although Steve Irwin was known as the crocodile hunter ....he will always have soft spot in his heart for stingrays
- It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
- How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.
- Why are crocodiles long and green? Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
- What's the only animal unaffected by climate change? Egyptian Crocodiles.
Because they live in the Nile. - BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond 17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with ethiopian still actively feeding.
- did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit? he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.
- Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
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Crocodile One Liners
Which crocodile one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crocodile? I can suggest the ones about crocs and pet alligator.
- The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country. I think they're in de Nile.
- Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet but most have just four.
- What's a gay crocodile's worst nightmare? Gatoraids.
- Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft But most have 4
- Why should you never play poker with a crocodile? You will lose every hand.
- Why did the female crocodile leave her husband? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet! Although most just grow 4.
- My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles. I told them to make it snappy.
- Why was the female crocodile disappointed in her mate? He had a reptile dysfunction
- What do you call a muslim crocodile? An Allahgator!
- Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs. It's a pun croc band.
- What do you call a cold crocodile? A refrigergator
- How to tell a alligator from a crocodile One will see you later
- What do you call a a homosexual crocodile? A gaytor
- Did you hear about the crocodile who couldn't get it up? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Alligator And Crocodile Jokes
Here is a list of funny alligator and crocodile jokes and even better alligator and crocodile puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I learned the difference between an alligator and a crocodile An alligator will see you later and a crocodile will see you after a while
- how do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? one will see you later,
and the other in a while - If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile It's in the bye laws
- What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile? The spelling and pronunciation.
- How do you tell the difference between an alligator or a crocodile? It depends if they see you later or in awhile.
- Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers "See you later" - Alligator
"After while" - Crocodile - Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset? They both cayman last.
- Science tip: You can differentiate between an alligator and a crocodile... ...by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.
- If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile There's a good chance he's in da-nile!
- There's an easy way to distinguish an alligator from a crocodile. It's a very simple technique. One you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later!
Crocodile Animation Jokes
Here is a list of funny crocodile animation jokes and even better crocodile animation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a crocodile's favorite shoe? A Crocs.
- What did the florida man say to his friend when going on a trip to Egypt? See you later crocodile,
please don't drown in the nile,
those animals go for miles,
I hope your trip is worth while. - Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
- A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Question:
What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
A full bus of old men. - What kind of animal dies after being hit twice? Crocodiles
*kok* *kok* die
Crocodile Hunter Jokes
Here is a list of funny crocodile hunter jokes and even better crocodile hunter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter was wearing sunscreen that day he would still be alive Sunscreen protects against harmful rays
- Steve Irwin may have been a crocodile hunter for a living... But he was a stingray at heart.
- What were the Crocodile Hunters last words? "You Irwin some you Irlose some"
Then he dieded.
Crocodile Dundee Jokes
Here is a list of funny crocodile dundee jokes and even better crocodile dundee puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- That's not a Crocodile Dundee reference... THIS is a Crocodile Dundee reference.
Silly Crocodile Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about crocodile you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lizard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crocodile pranks.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true
The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.
George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.
She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.
The woman says to George: "If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you."
George says: "It must be a crocodile?"
She replies: "Close enough"
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An Alley-Gator
An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....
A crocodile on a leash in his left hand, and a parrot on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have three pints of Guinness please".
The bartender looks at the Irishman.
Looks at the penguin.
Looks at the crocodile.
Looks at the parrot.
Looks back to the Irishman and says,
"What's all this supposed to be then? Some kind of joke?"
A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.
The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"
So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.
The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."
A crocodile wouldn't blow up his house, but a Dino might
A man was eaten when he attempted to tell a joke directly to a crocodile's mouth.
He didn't live to tell the tail.
Pricey set of teeth
A tourist was admiring a tribal necklace at a gift shop during her honeymoon in India.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Crocodile teeth" the salesman beamed.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that crocodile teeth mean as much to you as pearls do to us"
"Of course not!" he objected.
"Anybody can open an oyster"
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
What do you call a crocodile in a band?
A crocstar
A Pitbull and w**... dog get into a fight.
w**... dog rips the Pitbull into shreds. Terrified Pitbull owner says: - what kind of a dog is this? - how much did you pay for it? The w**... owner says: -well, I paid $100 for a crocodile and $10000 for the plastic surgery.
A crocodile goes to the doctor..
It turns out the crocodile was suffering from ereptile dysfunction.
Walks into a Bar
Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure." "Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."
Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?
They're always in de Nile.
What results when you cross a Hippo and a Crocodile?
Pretty sure you die.
What do you call a crocodile with a map and compass ?
A navigator.
A crocodile and a dog meet.
The croc looks at the dog with disdain and says: "Hey, flea bag!"
The dog looks back at the croc and says: "Hey, hand bag!"
If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth?
A bus full of old people..
What has 2 eyes and 100 teeth?
A crocodile
3 Belgians are sitting next to a river
3 Belgians are sitting next to a river, A crocodile swims past and they start to throw rocks at it. The crocodile gets angry and begins to swim towards them. 2 of them run and climb in a tree. They shout to the other "Why are you staying there, you better run before the crocodile comes!"
He replies "Why I didn't throw any Rocks"
I went to a prosthetist after a crocodile bit me off at the wrist.
Unfortunately he was too busy to give me a hand.
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
This weekend we saw a crocodile that had trouble swimming,
Does anyone know where we can find medication for a reptile dysfunction?
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.
I'm Lacoste intolerant.
[Warning] Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay username Anna_C_Harlatan25
My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her, but when it arrived it was snake skin!
Anna conned her.
Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx
My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.
Went to the zoo to watch the monkeys w**....
Then I went to watch the crocodiles and I was still w**....
What do you call a crocodile that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A Halalligator.
I gave my Japanese friend a Lacoste top as a gift.
He smiled and said 'Arigato'
I'm fairly certain their logo a crocodile...
Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...
They all live in de-Nile
What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?
A Crockashit.
I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction....
Lake Flaccid.
Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?
They keep getting stuck in de Nile
A group of charity workers are sent to africa to see how their program is working.
They are walking down a street and see a crocodile with mans head in its mouth. When they get home and are asked about how their trip went one of them says "we can cut all funding, they got Lacoste sleeping bags"
What do you call a religious crocodile?
An Allah Gator!
Tried translating a joke from Latvian.
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."
anti crocodile substances
a man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town
one day his neigbhour called the police because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets
when the police came they asked the man:" what are you pouring on the streets? "
the guy said: "i was pouring anti crocodile liquids "
the officer said:" but there are no crocodiles in this town"
the guy said" you are welcome"
My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...
... he's Lacoste intolerant
A Couple on their Honeymoon decided to take a trip to Africa. While walking in the countryside, they saw a beautiful lake...
There was a little boy who was standing by the bank, enjoying himself. The couple approached him and asked if it was safe to go into the water, if there were any sharks in the lake. The boy said no and went back to playing.
The couple jumped into the lake but after awhile felt uncomfortable so got out and asked the boy again if he was sure there were no sharks.
The boy, looking at the couple, a little irritated now, said: Believe me, Sharks don't come where there are Crocodiles.
Can I have Reptile Assitance?
A: what?
B: you know, reptile assistance.
A: what are you talking about?
B: Reptile assistance. you know, crocodile help
A: WHAT!?
B:...
A:...
B: can I have a Gatorade?
A: \*flips table\*
A zookeeper calls an ambulance and says: "Help, a crocodile took my leg off!"
The EMT asks: "Oh my god, which one?"
"I don't know", the zookeeper says, " those b**... all look the same!"
A man finds a crocodile in his yard
He goes to the police station and asks, what to do with it.
Policeman: Take it to the zoo
Man: Ok
The next day the policeman notices the same man approaching him
Policeman: So, how did it go
Man: yeah, yesterday we took him to the zoo. Shall we take him to a movie today?
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."
The easiest way to distinguish between an aligator and a crocodile
Is to know whether it will see you later or in a while.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
A monkey and a Lizard are sitting on a tree smoking some w**....
After some time the lizard becomes thirsty and decides to go to the river to drink some water.
When he gets there, he falls in and is saved by a crocodile. After Explaining how he got high, The Crocodile decides to investigate.
When the crocodile reaches the tree, he calls out to the monkey. Still high, the monkey looks down and almost falls in shock: "Yo Man, How much water did you drink?"
An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks "What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?"
The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely."
The anti-vaxxer then says "Forget it, I'll swim."