The Best 42 Critical Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Critical jokes. There are some critical crucial jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these critical trauma puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Critical Jokes and Puns

Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"...

Me: "...How is she?"

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical".

Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills.

No change is expected.

So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs...

He's always been a lil weezy.

Critical joke, So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs...

As a feminist who's fairly critical of her own movement, this made me laugh:

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: That's not funny.

A guys walks into a bar...

He's in critical condition.


A food reviewer for taken to hospital in a serious condition after choking on a piece of food.

On arriving at hospital his family enquired about his wellbeing.

"Nothing has changed" replied the doctor "he's still critical"

Did you know Simon Cowell has become a priest?

He's reached Critical Mass.

Critical joke, Did you know Simon Cowell has become a priest?

What did the black hole say to the Catholic priest?

"I'm sorry, father. I'm rather critical of mass."

What critically acclaimed movie did Zeus star in?

The Godfather

"Doctor, how's the patient?" Doctor: He's critical.

Patient: Dear prospective viewers, remaking 'Point Break' was a bad mistake. Utterly pointless.

Did you read my mother's retraction of her support of the president over his hyper critical aide's tantrum at the Hindu temple?

It was my mama's Obama's trauma llama Brahma drama reclama.

You can explore critical significant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean critical hyper dad jokes. There are also critical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why was the theatre critic fired from the zoo?

Because he was too hippo critical.

Today I heard a critical speech about masturbation

It was very touching, to say the least

Even physicists go to church on Christmas

It's Critical Mass.

I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition...

I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

Critical joke, What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Horoscopes are the enemy of rational thought.

They are a cancer to critical thinking.

Your best friend is always so critical of your girlfriend because he doesn't want you for himself.

He wants her for himself.

Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here

Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."

Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

What do you call a gathering of judgmental Catholics?

Critical Mass.

What do you call a last minute Catholic Church service that everyone needs to attend?

Critical Mass

My phone keeps changing critical words in important texts.

Autocorrect, you've made a powerful enema today.

Did you hear about the actor who was a 20 in a play about D&D?

He played a critical role

What do the critically acclaimed Schindler's List and the famous children's movie Chicken Run have in common?

The tagline Escape or die frying .

Chuck Norris was shot today

The bullet is in critical condition

Yo mama's so dense...

Yo mama's so dense the only reason people think she's bright is because she hit critical mass and now she burns the eyes out of anyone who looks at her... Sick burn.

Never take a nuclear bomb to church.

That could become a critical mass.

Did you hear about the police officer who was shot yesterday?

He's in a critical but constable condition

SURGEON: I'm afraid that your Grandma is very critical

ME: Oh no

SURGEON: She *starts to tear up* she said I have a stupid haircut

People who rate and review are some of the most important members of society.

Some would say they're the most critical.

Hating Pachyderms

If you say you hate all pachyderms, but you're actually cool with elephants and rhinos, your really just being hippo critical

A sociopathic egomaniac...

A sociopathic egomaniac authoritarian leader accused of causing the deaths of tens of thousands is brain dead. Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong Un is reported to be in critical condition.

So apparently an Olympic downhill skier was injured so many times she donated a huge sum to the local hospital's critical care unit.

Of course they called it the Picabu ICU.

My girlfriend just did a #2 on my head

I used to have the guy down the street do it, but it wasn't considered a "critical service".

Stastistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is interesting; what they hide is critical

A critical care doc, an ICU nurse and a field epidemiologist walk into a bar,

Just kidding, no they don't.


Doctor: "Your wife's in hospital."

Doctor: "Your wife's in hospital."
Me: "How is she?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical."
Me: "Ah, you get used to that..."

What do you call a critical horse?

A nay-sayer.

Thought of this while delivering mail in the countryside.

99 critical bugs in the code... 99 critical bugs. Track one down, patch it when found...

100 critical bugs in the code.

Doctor: Hello, I am calling from the hospital

Doctor: Hello, I am calling from the hospital, I am afraid your wife has been brught in after a bad accident.

Husband: Oh my God, how is she?

Doctor: I am afraid she's critical.

Husband: Oh, do not worry, you get used to that..

Doctor: Your wife's in hospital. Me: How is she? Doctor: I'm afraid she's critical.

Me: You'll get used to that.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the critical critically jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working critical vital piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes