critic Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious critic puns

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).

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A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

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This asshole calling himself a "food critic" said my cooking was shit, so I kicked him in the mouth

He didn't enjoy the taste of defeat

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The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel

The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel

The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway






EDDIT: u/mandrous's critic accepted!

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A fresh artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "*I know*, but tell me anyway."

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ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.


ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.

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Critics say Botox is too expensive...

...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.

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We often criticize pedophiles...

but they, at least, drive slowly near schools.

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A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there.

Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "

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What different people think, when faced with a glass of water:

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Engineer: The glass is two times larger than it needs to be.

Realist: The glass is half filled.

Therapist: I think that the glass should be viewed via various viewpoints.

Critic: The glass is fucking ugly.

Hipster: Wasn't this water obtained from a river? Too mainstream.

Feminist: The "glass is half full" vs "glass is half empty" debate is just another way, of men trying to overpower women. The fact that I have to answer a question from a male, and then have myself judged and labelled as something, dependant from my answer, is misogyny. Oh, and by the way, I was once raped by a glass that was filled 50% with water, so thanks for triggering my PTSD.

Opportunist: While you guys were arguing about the glass, I drank it!

Sadist: I poisoned it.

Masochist: I'm thirsty.

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Before you criticise a person try walking a mile in their shoes.

Then, when you criticise that person again, you'll be a mile away AND have their shoes.

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An amateur artist was show casing his work for the first time at a public viewing.

and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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Before criticising someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, once you criticise them , you're a mile away and have new shoes

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Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

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Before you criticize a gunman you should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you'll be out of range and he'll be barefoot.

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What did the food critic say after trying the Wookiee?

That was a bit Chewie

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When you criticize a person, walk a mile in his shoes...

then you'll be a mile away and in his shoes.

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A young artist puts his first exhibit in an art gallery

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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How much did the critic tip the waitor?

two cents

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Everyone criticizes Putin's Russia...

But look at Putin's America!

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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes...

That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away AND have his shoes!

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What did the music critic say about the Russian opera?

"Godunov."

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Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach?

Because he was wandering around with a semillon.

(best when read out loud)

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What happened to the muslim critic?

He blew everything out of proportion!

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So what do you do for a living? Im in organ trafficking. Fu** ! Dont you have a heart?

Was that a critic or an order?

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What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

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What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

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A food critic was a farm-to-table restaurant

He flagged down the waiter and asked him how they prepared their chicken.
The waiter replied, "Nothing special. We just tell 'em they're gonna die."

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A young artist exhibits his work for the first time.............

And a well known art critic is in attendance.....

the critic says to young artist,"would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes,"says the artist.

"It's worthless,"says the critic

The artist replies,"I know but tell me anyway".

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Why is everyone criticising Aji Pai?

I've only ever known Aji Pai as an American attorney as the Chairman of United States FCC who makes the best decisions. Aji Pai has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.


($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).

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Critics are comparing Aquaman to Black Panther

At first glance, the movies do appear similar. They both feature ancient sci-fi utopias hidden from the rest of the world. In each movie, theres a fight for the throne in order to stop a war. However, they are ignoring one major difference: the characters in Aquaman can swim.

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What do the critically acclaimed Schindler's List and the famous children's movie Chicken Run have in common?

The tagline Escape or die frying .

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Why did the film critic protest the new children's cemetery?

He's not a fan of juvenile plots.

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What are the most funny Critic jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Critic? Well, here are the best Critic dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Critic pick up lines to share with friends.

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