Crisis Jokes
160 crisis jokes and hilarious crisis puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crisis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way through the toughest times with inspiring jokes about crisis management, midlife crisis, quarter life crisis, existential crisis, fuel crisis, energy crisis, supply chain crisis, identity crisis, Cuban Missile Crisis, eurozone disaster and more. Find humor in difficult situations as you evacuate and move past these trying times.
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Funniest Crisis Short Jokes
Short crisis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crisis humour may include short crash jokes also.
- If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
- Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum." They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
- Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible? He was having a midlife crisis.
- Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis Unemployment strike again
- A global crisis broke out, affecting every nation and people of all kinds In response, the world banded together and quickly solved the problem through mutual cooperation and understanding
- What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade? He was having a mid-life crisis.
- I saw an anti-vaxxers 4 year old son throwing a tantrum at the grocery store yesterday. You can say he was having a midlife crisis
- My girlfriend says she can't cope with delivering any more babies. I think it's just a midwife crisis.
- What's the difference between CoVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One's a Coronavirus, the other is a Verona Crisis.
- The Secret Sevice is not allowed to tell the president to get down If there is a crisis they have to say Donald, Duck!
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Crisis One Liners
Which crisis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crisis? I can suggest the ones about conflict and disaster.
- Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Midlife crisis
- If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis Would it even matter?
- Why was the baby in africa crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.
- why was the 6 month old African baby crying? It was having a mid life crisis
- Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday? They hit a midlife crisis
- What did they call puberty in the middle ages? A midlife crisis
- I accidentally bought too many art supplies I'm having an excess stencil crisis.
- Why was kurt cobain depressed at 13? Midlife Crisis.
- Why was 1 year old African baby crying? It was having a midlife crisis
- Why does an Ethiopian baby cry? It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark) - Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica? It's dreadful
- What do you say to your sister when she's crying? Are you having a crisis?
- What do you call a 1-year-old Nigerian kid crying? Mid-Life Crisis
- I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy. I mean girl.
- Why was the anti vaxxers two year old crying? Because he was having a mid-life crisis
Midlife Crisis Jokes
Here is a list of funny midlife crisis jokes and even better midlife crisis puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the roughest part about being a 7-year-old in Liberia? The mid-life crisis.
- I feel really bad for kids in third world countries... They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time.
- What do you call an anti-vaxer's child's terrible twos? A midlife crisis
- Parents: our baby won't stop crying! Doctor: how old is he?
Parents:one
Doctor:is he vaccinated?
Parents:no, why?
Doctor:I'm afraid he's having a midlife crisis... - Why do Nigerian babies cry? Midlife crisis
- Why did the unvaccinated one year-old try to buy a Corvette? Don't we all do that during a midlife crisis?
- Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed? He was going through his midlife crisis.
- Was at my neighbors house, and their 2 year old unvaccinated child would not stop crying. Must have been a midlife crisis.
- What do you call the "terrible twos" in unvaccinated children? A midlife crisis.
- Why did the twenty year old anti-vaxxer freak out? She was having a midlife crisis
Mid Life Crisis Jokes
Here is a list of funny mid life crisis jokes and even better mid life crisis puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The anti-vaxx couple could not understand why their 2-year old was crying Everyone cries when they go through a mid-life crisis, duh.
- I didn't have a mid-life crisis but did have a beginning-of-life crisis... ... I cried like a baby for nearly a whole year!
- My dad died at 40. We should've seen it coming when he bought a motorcycle at 20. They don't call it a mid life crisis for nothing.
- Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy? He was having a mid life crisis.
- What's the worst part about being an anti-Vaxxer parent? Having to deal with the terrible twos and the mid life crisis at the same time.
- Why was the non-vaccinated 2 year old baby crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.
- What do you call an anti-vaxxer's kid's 2nd birthday party? A mid-life crisis!
- Why was the new born baby crying in his anti vax mom hands He was having a mid life crisis
- What do 40 year old adults and 2 year old anti vaccine kids have in common? A mid-life crisis.
- Why did the unvaccinated 3 year old want a new car? He was having mid-life crisis.
Existential Crisis Jokes
Here is a list of funny existential crisis jokes and even better existential crisis puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the existential crisis at Sea World? Given all the pressure they're under to release their animals, they're fearful of a porpoise-less existence...
I'll see myself out. - Why'd the dog have an existential crisis after his neutering operation? He realized that nutting matters.
- What did the dolphin say during its existential crisis? I feel that my life has no porpoise.
- My girlfriend laughed at me for having an existential crisis at 17. Jokes on her. She doesn't even exist!
- What's the difference between a Benign Cancer Cell and Malignant Cancer Cell? One of them has an existential crisis.
- Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild? It lost its porpoise.
- I gave someone an existential crisis last night. How?
I confessed my love, and now they wish they never existed. - If I had a dollar for everytime I had an existential crisis it wouldnt matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless.
- My neighbors are worried that I'm having an existential crisis but I don't know what they're so concerned about. It's not like anything matters anyway.
- I told my bully he was just a child having an existential crisis. He said I know you are, but what am I?
Identity Crisis Jokes
Here is a list of funny identity crisis jokes and even better identity crisis puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- e^(i*pi) + 1 = 0 I'm having an identity crisis.
- What's pink and goes "moo"? A pig with an identity crisis.
- I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis... He's watching me like a hawk.
- My Chinese coworker is going through a bit of an identity crisis. He keeps telling me he's Lee Ving.
- Why was the matrix sad? Because she was having an identity crisis.
- How do you give an ice cube an identity crisis? Drop it like its hot.
- Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was having an identity crisis.
- He's having an identity crisis again. No I'm not.
- What do you call a crisis where you're the same before and after? An identity crisis!
Hilarious Fun Crisis Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about crisis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean distress jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crisis pranks.
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
Why was the 24,100 year old plutonium upset?
It was having a half-life crisis.
So apparently justin timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.
It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
Rihanna was going to tweet about the Ebola crisis.
Unfortunately Chris Brown beat her.
The Flintstones
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does an Ethiopian 5 year old have that you probably don't?
A midlife crisis.
Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...
...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let women and children go first?
It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do.
A member of Isis is having a bad day...
It's having a crisis
Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth?
That would be a midwife crisis
Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa?
Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.
What did the 40 year old pregnant lady say when her husband asked her "why are you so upset"
"I'm having a midwife crisis"
Europe is in turmoil, but at least I've got some steady income despite the migrant crisis
I own a florist around the corner from the French embassy
What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?
A midwife crisis.
What do you call it if a midwife doesn't show up?
A midwife crisis!
I'll leave now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's wrong with that 5 year old Ethiopian?
He's having a mid-life crisis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does a Somalian baby cry?
It's having a mid life crisis.
I apologize for nothing.
Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy?
He was going through a midlife crisis.
What is it called when you drop a carton of eggs and break all of them?
An eggistential crisis.
On the day I was born, my mom went into labor, but the assistant was nowhere to be found.
She had a midwife crisis.
My wife hired this nice older woman to help deliver our baby at home, but she showed up to the house in a convertible and with dyed hair.
I think she's going through a midwife crisis.
You can't have CRISIS...
Without ISIS.
I'll leave now.
What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers?
An exponential crisis.
My Italian grandmother just got a stair chair lift, I asked her how she likes it... she said ...
"IT DRIVES ME UP THE f**... WALL"
what is a swedish government crisis?
there are 12 ministers in a meeting but only 11 cinnamonrolls
I can't find anyone to help me deliver my baby.
I'm having a midwife crisis.
Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis?
They never appointed a lead detective
What is it called when too many people pass gas inside of a mine?
An excess stench hole crisis.
Why was the Valve developer crying?
He was having a Half-Life crisis.
You never know when half of your life will pass
So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday
What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses?
They have a mid-wife crisis.
What's it called when the person delivering your baby suddenly becomes squeamish and can no longer fulfill his/her duties?
A midwife crisis
I've been married three times. The second marrige was very turbulent and ended in total chaos.
It was a bad case of mid-wife crisis.
When I was younger I used to have these little plastic cut outs for drawing around.
I'd do them all the time, almost compulsively, but there would always be more. I'd spend hours and never run out. Then I realised, I'd never be done, I'd never accomplish anything because there would always be more and long after I stopped or died they'd be there.
Anyway that's the story of my first extra stencil crisis.
Where does the president go during an immigration crisis?
Hispanic room.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.
I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."
More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.
When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.
What do you call complications during chidbirth
A midwife crisis.
Did y'all hear about the Anti-vax kid who bought a Ferrari at the age of 2?
Yeah, it was his midlife crisis.
Even though Sea World is shut down, the animals still need to be taken care of
Obama answers the call for volunteers. On his first day, they assign him to feed the baby dolphins.
As he is doing so, another volunteer accosts him "Our country is in crisis. Don't you have anything better to do?"
He replied "I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Until this crisis is over im going to stick to m**... just before 8pm on Thursday evenings
The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need
No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.
They give sound advice.
One day my sister was crying
You could really call it a crisis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis
It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....
What kind of car did Jesus drive?
OK. I apologize in advance if you've already seen this one. it's an old joke from the 70's, when there was a gas crisis, and they posted this question on billboards around the South.
So, what's the answer? The answer is that no know knows what Jesus drove, but we know that his Father drove a Plymouth. How do we know? Because it says so right in the Bible. It clearly says that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.
The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town
I guess she was having a midwife crisis
The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice.
I think she was going through a midwife crisis.
...
