Crisis Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?

They were having a mid-life crisis.


If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis

Would it even matter?

If i had a nickel for every existential crisis

it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless

Why was the baby in Africa crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a mid life crisis

why was the 6 month old African baby crying?

It was having a mid life crisis

Why did the antivaxxers 3 year old cry

He was having a midlife crisis

If I had a dollar for every existential crisis I've had

Does money even matter

Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday?

They hit a midlife crisis

Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let women and children go first?

It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do.

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 5 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?

Midlife Crisis.

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.


Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.


Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.

Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum."

They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"

Why was the 3 year old ethiopian kid crying

He was having a mid life crisis

Why was 1 year old African baby crying?

It was having a midlife crisis

Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why does an Ethiopian baby cry?

It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark)

Why was the 2 month old African baby crying?

It was having its mid-life crisis.

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade?

He was having a mid-life crisis.

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica?

It's dreadful

Why does an Ethiopian baby cry

It's having a midlife crisis

My girlfriend says she can't cope with delivering any more babies.

I think it's just a midwife crisis.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

Are you having a crisis?

Why was Kurt Cobain so depressed at age 13?

He was having a midlife crisis.

If I had a nickel for every existential crisis I've ever had...

Does money even matter?

Why do they evacuate women and children first in a crisis?

That's the only way the men will finally get some goddamn peace and quiet before they die.

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,

but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

Why was the 3 year old African child crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis.

What's wrong with that 5 year old Ethiopian?

He's having a mid-life crisis

If I had a dollar for every existential crisis I have ever had...

Does money even matter?

Excuse for speeding

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.

The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."

So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.

It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.

Why was the 1 Year old african boy crying?

He was having a midlife crisis

Why are ethiopian children always crying?

Midlife crisis.

Why was the 1 year old Ethiopian boy crying?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why wouldn't the four month old African stop crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis

What is it called when too many people pass gas inside of a mine?

An excess stench hole crisis.

Banking Crisis in Japan

Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Crisis in the middle east

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said: 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we have heard that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

Trump and Putin...

...get cryogenically frozen after their respective deaths, and are re-woken 200 years later.

They decide to take a walk through the city together. Suddenly, Putin stops and bursts out laughing, pointing at the headline at a newsstand: "USA in worst financial crisis in history"

They walk on through the futuristic city, when Putin once again bursts out into laughter pointing at the headline of another newsstand: "EU votes against fourth humanisitic intervention in US-Crisis"

Trump is pretty downcast. They decide to finish their walk, when suddenly it is Trump who is crying from laughter pointing at yet another newsstand: "Skirmishes at German-Chinese border continue"

Philosophy 112, or the joke that I just told in a dream and have to write down for posterity

Take this guy, Bob. He's coming into his early 40s, and goes into a midlife crisis. He tells his wife he wants to go back to school and study all the stuff he never got to when he was working so hard as a kid. She's fully supportive, feeling there are worse things he could be doing in this phase of his life, and they get him enrolled at a local university.

Bob starts taking random bullshit classes. His first semester he takes Archaeology 101, Sociology 102, and his favorite, Philosophy 112: History of early modern philosophy. He starts learning about all the great thinkers who laid the groundwork for all of our thinking today, and he just falls in love with it. Doesn't care he's surrounded by 18 year olds for six hours a week, he just dives right in.

One day, his buddy Jim calls him up to talk. Jim's also going through a midlife crisis. He's doing a much more destructive path, however. He calls Bob up and tells him he knows of an excellent escort service. He says they should take a "business trip," have a little fun, the wife doesn't need to know.

Bob thinks about it, and says, "No, I've got a huge philosophy paper due in a couple days and I should work on that."

Jim looks at him like he's insane, calls him a prude, and storms away. But Bob is confident.

Bob knows that sometimes, it's good to put Descartes before the whores.

Did you hear about the six month old Ethiopian child?

He was having a mid life crisis

So there's a guy at the bar. Wasted and crying....

The bartender comes up to him and asks what's wrong. "I'm so wasted I just threw up all over myself! My wife said she would leave if I didn't quit drinking and when I get home, I'm done." The bartender says "I can help. Put a $20 in you coat pocket. Tell her you only had one beer, but a drunk idiot threw up on you and gave you the money to clean your suit. Crisis averted!" The guy says "ok" and goes home. Needless to say his wife was livid. He said "Honey, I'm not drunk, I only had one beer, but this drunk idiot threw up all over me, and gave me this $20 to dry clean the suit!" She said but this is a fifty!" He said "Oh, and I think he shit my pants too."

What do you call a 1-year-old Nigerian kid crying?

Mid-Life Crisis

I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy.

I mean girl.

Why are 8 year old African children always so depressed?

Mid-life crisis

Japanese Banking Crisis

Worrying news from the Japanese financial markets. Following last week`s disclosure that the Origami Bank had folded, we hear that the Sumo Bank has just gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived, 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and Karaoke Bank is up for sale and going for a song. Analysts also report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. But Samurai Bank is soldiering on after sharp cutbacks.

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis and takes night classes to become a mechanic...

She's really nervous the night of the final, so she studies real hard and hopes for the best.

When the grades are posted, she freaks out because her grade says 150% and she assumes it was an error, so she goes to see the instructor.

He explains it's no error.

"You took apart the engine perfectly, every nut, every bolt. You pulled it all apart without breaking anything. That got you 50%
Then you put it all back together perfectly. It actually ran better than before you started, so I gave you 50% for that.
You got a bonus 50% for doing it all through the muffler."

Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

He had a midlife crisis.

Banker has mid-life crisis and decides to go hunting

After work one day he decides to go hunting to prove his manhood. He drives down the highway and sees a sign "Bear Hunting Season Now Open". Decides bear hunting is the manliest of hunting. Drives into a hunting store and buys a shotgun. Runs into the forest and starts looking for a bear. Spots a bear, aims his shotgun and shoots. Runs up to see his manly kill but nothing there. TAP TAP on shoulder and the bear is standing there and says: you got 2 options, 1 I kill you or 2 you let me fuck you bear style. Guy looks at the bear and says: fuck, shit, come on...ok #2. Bear unleashes a major ass fucking. Guy crawls back to hunting store and says I need a bigger gun. He buys a 10gauge elephant killer gun and runs in to the forest. Sees the bear, aims and shoots. Runs to check and TAP TAP. He turns and bear looks at him and says: you got 2 options, 1 I kill you or 2 you let me fuck you bear style. Guy looks at the bear and says: fuck, shit, not again...ok #2. Bear unleashes a major ass fucking. Guy crawls back to hunting store and says I need a bigger gun and buys the rocket launcher. Runs back to the forest, spots the bear, aims and shoots. Runs to see and TAP, TAP. Guy turns to see the bear and the bear says: Be honest, you didn't come for the hunting

Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth?

That would be a midwife crisis

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

Why was the anti vaxxers two year old crying?

Because he was having a mid-life crisis

New hooker in town.

Bill and his wife Julie were going through financial crisis. Bill suggested Julie to become a hooker.

Julie was not sure how to start that, so Bill said, "Stand near that pillar and pick up a guy. Tell him your rate is $200. If you got any question, I'll be parked around the corner".

Within couple of minutes a black guy pulls up and asked, "How much?"
"$200"
"Shigh, I have only $120"
"Hold on"... wife runs back to Bill.
"What can he get in $120".
"A handjob" Bill said.


Wife runs back and tells the guys he will get a handjob in $120. Black guy agrees. She gets in the car, he unzips his pants and here is the biggest schlong ever.

She stares it for a minute and says, "Hold on, I will be right back".

She runs back to her husband and says, "Bill can you please lend him $80"

I feel really bad for kids in third world countries...

They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time.

What's the roughest part about being a 7-year-old in Liberia?

The mid-life crisis.

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis.

Why was the one y.o. Ethiopian child crying?

Because he was having his mid-life crisis.

I can't find anyone to help me deliver my baby.

I'm having a midwife crisis.

Update on the crisis at the stair factory

The situation is escalating

What do you call complications during chidbirth

A midwife crisis.

What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses?

They have a mid-wife crisis.

What do you call an anti-vaxer's child's terrible twos?

A midlife crisis

What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers?

An exponential crisis.

What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?

A midwife crisis.

Why did the African child have a mental breakdown at age 8?

He was having his midlife crisis.

Why was the 10-year old Ethiopian upset?

He was having a midlife crisis.

What are the funniest crisis jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Crisis? Well, here are the best Crisis puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Crisis pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes