Crimes Committed Jokes

135 crimes committed jokes and hilarious crimes committed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crimes committed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Crimes Committed Jokes

Short crimes committed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crimes committed humour may include short crime jokes also.

  1. if you commit a crime 90 times, if you commit a crime 90 times, you'll only get caught 45 times
    because sin90=cot45
  2. There is a Hispanic train conductor going around committing horrible crimes.. No one knows why, but it's clear he has a loco motive.
  3. Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed? Because they finish each other's sentences
  4. What crime is committed when you drink a glass of ice water, but use your lips to keep the ice from leaving the glass, only to let the water through? Obstruction of just ice.
  5. People can be so easy to read... if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.
  6. New studies show that the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by the children of immigrants. And it's been that way since 1607.
  7. Why is it that when you commit crimes 90 times you will only get caught 45 times ? Because sin 90 = cot 45
  8. What happens if you commit a crime in Australia? Oh please, they're a modern country. You go to jail unless you are a politician.
  9. How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime? Dust for Fresh Prints!
    (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)
  10. Why don't religious people like rap music? All rappers do is hop in the booth and confess to a bunch of crimes they've committed.
    That's Catholicism.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about crimes committed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of crimes committed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Crimes Committed One Liners

Which crimes committed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crimes committed? I can suggest the ones about criminal bad and convicted murdering.

  1. What do you call a billionaire who commits crimes after sunset? Felon Dusk.
  2. Why was the mime arrested? He committed an unspeakable crime
  3. Why didn't the drummer commit the crime? He couldn't handle the repercussions.
  4. What drove the conductor to commit his heinous crimes? His loco motives.
  5. What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged
  6. What does Joker do when he's not plotting or committing evil crimes? He rides his Harley.
  7. What is the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud.
  8. If a heart was caught committing a crime... Would it be a cardiac arrest?
  9. What is a Pirate's favorite crime to commit? ARR-son!
  10. If a Mac user If a Mac user sees a crime being committed, does she become an iWitness?
  11. What crime did the Energiser Bunny commit? Battery
  12. Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment? Owlcatraz
  13. What do you call seaweed that's committed a crime The Kalp-prit
  14. What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes? A LexiCon
  15. What's the most casual crime you can commit? Shooting the breeze.

Cheeky Crimes Committed Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about crimes committed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean convicted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make crimes committed prank.

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.

Community Service

A blonde was sentenced to a couple weeks of community service for a small crime she commited. Once assigned to a supervisor, he explained to her that her job was to paint the yellow line in the middle of the roads. Her quota was 2 miles a day.
By the end of the first day, the blonde painted 4 miles of yellow lines. The supervisor was very impressed and gave her compliments on a job well done.
By the end of the second day, she had done a little over 2 miles. The supervisor was satisfied because at least she met her quota.
By the end of the third day, she'd only painted half a mile of yellow lines. The supervisor approached her to ask why she did so little compared to the previous 2 days. The blonde replies, "*Well I put the paint bucket at the start of the road and the further I paint, the longer it takes to walk back to the bucket to dip my paint brush.*"

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."
-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

Blonde Execution

Three women are getting executed by firing squad for committing a crime. One is a brunette, one is a redhead, and one is blonde. First the brunette is brought up onto the stage, with the squad assembled in front of her. She is asked for her last words, and she points behind the crowd and yells, "Tornado!" Everybody turns to look, and the brunette escapes.
The next day, the redhead is brought up onto the stage to be executed, with the same setup. When asked for her last words, she yells, "Lightning!" Everybody turns to look, and the redhead escapes.
The day after that, the blonde is brought up onto the stage. She is asked for her last words, and the blonde looks behind the firing squad, and yells, "Fire!

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?

A: the defendant
Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)
For the young and/or foreign:
Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.

What sort of crime is it if a neckbeard commits m**...?

A fedoral offense.

What crime do fish mongers commit?

They are bass murderers!

How do you Abe Lincoln never committed a crime

Because he's In-a-cent

Attorney General

The attorney general decides to hold a contest to see which organization is the best at policing. SO he gets the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD together, and tells them "I've released a rabbit into the wilderness, find it, and bring it to me." So the FBI goes in, and two hours later, they come out, and the Agent In Charge says "We found the rabbit, but he had committed no crimes, so we let him go." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the CIA goes in, and 4 hours later, they come out, and the Director of Operations says to the AG, "We found the rabbit, interrogated him for two hours, and found the he was a t**..., so we flipped him, and released him back into the wild." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the LAPD goes in. 15 minutes later, a bloodied, beaten bear runs out of the woods screaming "I'm the rabbit, I'm the rabbit!"

What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?


So there's a plane that's half criminals and half master tradesmen...

The plane is half full of criminals and half full of master craftsmen.
The pilot comes on over the PA and says "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is overloaded, we need to bump half of you to another flight."
After deliberating with the mechanics and copilot for a while, the pilot comes back of the intercom and says "We've decided to bump all the master craftsmen from this flight to the next, please grab your carry-ons and head back to the gate."
The pilot stands next to the door apologizing to the master craftsmen as they disembark. One craftsman says to the pilot "I have to ask, why did you decide to bump us? We didn't commit any crimes, they are the ones who should have to wait longer!"
The pilot looks at the craftsman and says "We talked it over and found that the Pros outweighed the Cons."

Banks commit crime and the government...

Put them in jail.

Bankers commit massive financial crimes and the government...

put them in jail.

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

What do you call a religious man who plays the piano and commited a crime?

Felonious monk

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

If you blew up Mount Rushmore, what crime would you have committed?

Four counts of defacing a national monument.

What crime did the impotent r**... commit?

v**...-vated Assault.

Never commit a crime while working out

Lest you get ill gotten gainz.

Two people commited a crime while having i**...

Its said to have been an inside job

You shouldn't commit any crimes after you marry someone.

Why? Because you have a mother in law.

Why shouldn't you commit a crime in front of an Indian women?

She's always recording.

What crime did the scientist commit when he rubbed Sodium on Alkaline?

A salt and battery.

No wonder Sirius was tried and sent to prison for a crime that he did not commit.

He was Black.

Do you know why Abraham Lincoln never committed a crime?

Because he was always *in a cent*

A dwarf psychic commits a crime

The headline reads small medium at large

A man in ancient Egypt commits a crime. The Pharaoh says "The penalty for your crime is death." "How would like to die?"

"Death by old age"

You can commit as many crimes as you want when you're ugly.

You'll never be wanted.

What crime do trans gender people commit?

Male fraud

So I was going to blame my pet ostrich for a crime i committed

But my lawyer advised that it wouldn't fly in court.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why's it so hard for blind people to commit crimes?

Because they can't see.

I'm sick and tired of those who say Hillary has no great accomplishments....

I would say staying out of prison for the crimes she committed in the last four decades is a great accomplishment.

What do you call an image of a slug who committed a crime?

A slugshot.

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?


What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

A group of crows framed my best friend for a crime he didn't commit

I swear I'll find the m**... who criminalized him!

If ever I commit m**..., I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.

Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts.

A man is charged with first-degree m**... and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.

Did you commit the crime?
No sir, I did not.
I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?
Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for m**....

If I ever commit a m**..., I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.

Naan violent crimes almost never merit life sentences.

After getting divorced,

I met a g**... a first date
Girl: where were you before?
Me: i was in jail, i just came out after doing 10 years.
Girl: why? What crime did you commit?
Me: I committed a marriage.
** today is my 10th anniversary and i just created this joke**

A little math joke that my cousin told me

If you commit a crime 90 times, you'll only get caught 45 times,
because sin 90 = cot 45.

In USA being -on the lamb- means:

:Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.

A MOBA player commits a crime, but nobody was around to see it.

The case was built on anecDotAl evidence.

A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?
Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.
Police 1: Really?
Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk
Police 1: is that everything?
Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun in my glove compartment
[Police 1 calls for backup and now the swat team approaches the man's car]
SWAT 1: I'm going to need you step outside the vehicle
[ the man steps out and the police search the car]
SWAT 1: he appears to have no gun, no stolen money, and no dead body.
Police 1: but he told me he committed those crimes...
Man: well I bet that liar told you I was speeding too!

A short fortune teller committed a crime, and the police put almost no effort into catching her

Headlines the next day read: Small medium largely ignored.

What do you call a fruit that commits egregious crimes?

A waterfelon.

You know what's scary about a white man in prison?

You know he actually committed the crime.

A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

Why is it easy to commit a crime in New Orleans?

Because they have NO PD!

there was a suspicion of university diploma forgery

There was a suspicion of university diploma forgery. The police went to investigate that. "There was no proof that any crime was commited," said the police officer, John Brown J.D., M.D., B.D., Ph.D.

TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers

He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.

Why the electron committed a crime?

Because he was induced.

Guess where people who commit crimes go?


A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.
The man replies I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.
Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let's him off the case. But being curious, the judge asks Well, how did it taste like?
The man replied Have you ever had Spotted Owl?

Criminals are called criminals because...

if they can commit a crime without being caught most of the time, they would be called Politicians.

A blind man is arrested for a crime he insists he could not have committed, as he was busy reading at the time.

He has been released on braille.

Who committed the most crimes in prison?

A bar of soap.

How do you call a black person who hasn't commited a crime in 9 months?

A s**....

What crime do college students commit the most?

Resisting a rest.

A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.

A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"
The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."

Why was Walter able to commit so much crime for so long on Breaking Bad without getting caught?

White privilege.

I committed a crime while costumed like a Ginger to distract the cops

It was a real Red Hairing

This Magical item can prove any man guilty of a crime he did not commit

Women's tears

What type of crime does a bird commit?

Breaking and enter-wing

What crime does a sapling commit?


Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these crimes committed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.