Crime Scene Jokes

69 crime scene jokes and hilarious crime scene puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crime scene that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Crime Scene Jokes

Short crime scene jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crime scene humour may include short crime jokes also.

  1. How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
  2. They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime. No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.
  3. They say criminals often return to the scene of the crime That must be why there's so many Australians in London nowadays
  4. Someone broke into my house and stole my toilet. Local police investigated the crime scene, but had nothing to go on.
  5. Polaroid of the suspect Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
  6. Police were investigating a crime scene and found a knife and a clock. They concluded the man was just killing time.
  7. Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.
  8. Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
  9. An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime.
  10. So the police arrested this old battery... They said they had DNA evidence placed him at a crime scene.
    They tested his cells and decided they couldn't charge him.

Quick Jump To

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about crime scene can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of crime scene puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Crime Scene One Liners

Which crime scene one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crime scene? I can suggest the ones about morgue and scene.

  1. We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
  2. What do you call a Japanese crime scene? An assasinasian.
  3. What do you call a midget hanging around a crime scene? A little suspect
  4. What is the first thing Will Smith looks for at a crime scene? Fresh Prints
  5. What do you call a cholo investigating a crime scene? Sherlock homes foo.
  6. Want to hear a crime scene joke? Well move along, there's nothing to see here.
  7. What do you call a school bus with a priest on board? A crime scene
  8. What do you call a group of crows probably a crime scene
  9. This has probably been said but Whats an empty bank called
    A crime scene
  10. What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime? an innocent bystumbler
  11. What do you call a f**... found on a crime scene? Circumcisional evidence.

Playful Crime Scene Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about crime scene you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean car crash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make crime scene prank.

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."

A drunk white guy swerves and hits 2 black teens walking down the sidewalk

One went through the windshield, the other was flung 50 yards away.
When the police show up, they charge the first kid with breaking and entering and the other with fleeing the scene of a crime.

A cops calls for backup from a crime scene

This is officer John, please send backup, a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.
Have you arrested the woman?
No Sir, the floor is still wet.

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Arrived at crime scene
11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle
11.34: Found m**... weapon in drain
11.34: Realised watch was broken

What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm?

A rooster!

A little bit of racism

Scientists have found that your fingerprints may indicate that you are black or white. For example, if your fingerprints were found at the crime scene, you're probably black.

In a crime scene....

"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"
"Well, the vic was found n**... in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut m**... case if you ask me"
"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during s**..."
"So it was a s**... then...."

A police officer arrives to a crime scene

Hello, captain. What's the situation?
A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs.
Oh my god, what was the reason?
She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.
Did you arrest her?
No. We're waiting for the floor to dry.

Two detectives are at a crime scene.

They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.
One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case".

So a fern recently got released from custody due to tampering with the crime scene.

Turns out that the evidence was planted.

What's worse than finding your dad murdered?

The cop at the crime scene saying "I'm so sorry son"

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."

When Will Smith was burglarized, what did detectives find at the scene of the crime?

Fresh prints.

A baker approaches a crime scene and asks the cop what happened...

"Sorry, that's on a knead to dough basis."

A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

A woman cried out that her son had just been hit by a moped!

The driver, nearly at the edge of town, screeched to a stop, returned to the scene of the crime, and said, "Actually its a Vespa." Before fleeing the scene again.

A girlfriend wants her boyfriend dead

But she doesn't know how to commit a m**.... She calls one of her best friends and tells her I want him dead, but I'm to scared to do it. Could you help?
Her best friend tells her It's alright, I got this and I'll make it look like an accident.
The next day the police are called because a dead body was found in an alleyway. A crime scene is set up and a detective does his detective work. After he's done an officer asks him So detective, what did you discover?
The detective looks at the officer and tells him Well it appears that someone beat this man to death with what seems to be a crowbar and then placed a banana peel 4 feet behind him.

if you ever plan on murdering someone, do it in an adult movie theater.

There will be other peoples DNA all over the crime scene, plus no witnesses will come forward to admit they saw you there...

So there was a m**... the other day...

A man by the name of Juan Gonzalez was killed, and there was almost no evidence left behind.
The local police called in the FBI because they couldn't find a single lead.
The FBI investigator comes to the crime scene and has the case solved almost immediately.
He was killed with a golf gun, he said.
Everyone looked around confused, because no one had ever heard of a golf gun.
He said, isn't it obvious? There's a hole in Juan!

The attorney tells his client the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."

"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."

09:51 Arrive at the crime scene.

09:51 Find m**... victim.
09:51 Cordon off the area.
09:51 Start searching for m**... weapon.
09:51 Realise watch has stopped.

Two police officers walk into a crime scene.

They see two people lying dead on the floor. The victims are holding a piece of w**... each. Their eyes are red and their skin is dry.
One officer turns to the other and says: "Looks like a joint s**...."

A disordered protein is found brutally murdered. It looks like just another random robbery gone wrong.

A cop looks at the scene and laments:
"It's a crime without motif"

A detective walks away from a crime scene "another cold blooded m**..."

"what's turning all these lizards to crime?"

A detective arrives at the scene of a crime and immediately knows what the m**... weapon is

It was a brief case

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive

So.. When Mr Freeze leaves a crime scene..

So... when Mr Freeze has left a crime scene, you know its his work because people are frozen/there are frozen objects around right?
I would go as far to say thats him leaving his "Cooling Card"

A policeman is told to write a report at a crime scene.

Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the pawemant......he is lying on the pave.........p a v e
*The policeman kicks the body onto the street*
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the street.

The police were called to a crime scene.

They found a woman with a b**... golf club in her hand. Her husband, covered in blood, on the floor.
She screamed "My husband. What have I done?"
Cop "How many times did you hit him?
Wife " I don't remember. Put me down for a six"

Why could Will Smith never get away with m**...?

First thing they look for at a crime scene is fresh prints.

A detective story

11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. sign of struggle
11:45 - Found m**... weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken

11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found m**... weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken

8:45 PM, Arrive at the crime scene

- 8:45 PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim's phone and wallet are missing
- 8:45 PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- 8:45 PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the m**... was driving away in a blue Ford Mondeo
- 8:45 PM, Realise watch is broken. Amazon estimates a 2-3 day wait for a new watch

Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…

Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.

I'm OCD about cleaning up.

There's never any dirty dishes in the sink, the floors are spotless, all the surfaces are wiped down. I even do this if I'm visiting somewhere. If I see a fingerprint or a footprint I just have to take care of it. It makes me a GREAT roommate... but a TERRIBLE crime scene investigator.

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client....

First the bad news:
The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."
Oh, no!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140."

Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.

Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these crime scene jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.