Crime Jokes

Funniest Crime Short Jokes

Short crime jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crime humour may include short criminal bad jokes also.

1. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
2. When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it. That's Arkham's Razor.
3. How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
4. Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve? There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
5. Want to hear a racist joke? Just kidding, i'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
6. A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
7. A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'
8. They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime. No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.
9. I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital... They told me that case was sensitive.
10. if you commit a crime 90 times, if you commit a crime 90 times, you'll only get caught 45 times
    .
    .
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    because sin90=cot45

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Crime One Liners

Which crime one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crime? I can suggest the ones about terrorism and illegal.

1. If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
2. Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive
3. What colour can unlock a car? Khaki
4. What do you call a billionaire who commits crimes after sunset? Felon Dusk.
5. Why was the mime arrested? He committed an unspeakable crime
6. I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes
7. If not using commas was a crime would it result in long sentences?
8. They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
9. What turns making fun of a ginger into a hate crime? Dyslexia
10. My best friend was my partner in crime until homosexuality was made legal.
11. Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime.
12. What does spiderman do when he's not fighting crime? Web Development.
13. Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes? A prism.
14. When are minorities not minorities? When you look at crime statistics.
15. If you see a crime at an Apple Store… Does that make you an iWitness?

Crime Scene Jokes

Here is a list of funny crime scene jokes and even better crime scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• They say criminals often return to the scene of the crime That must be why there's so many Australians in London nowadays
• Someone broke into my house and stole my toilet. Local police investigated the crime scene, but had nothing to go on.
• Polaroid of the suspect Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
• We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
• Police were investigating a crime scene and found a knife and a clock. They concluded the man was just killing time.
• Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.
• What do you call a Japanese crime scene? An assasinasian.
• Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
• An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime.
• So the police arrested this old battery... They said they had DNA evidence placed him at a crime scene.
  They tested his cells and decided they couldn't charge him.

Organized Crime Jokes

Here is a list of funny organized crime jokes and even better organized crime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• The government offered to buy back all my guns I turned them down
  I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.
• Why did the accordion player go to jail? He was caught playing an organized crime.
• Why do police have file cabinets? For organized crime.
• A kid was talking to his dad because he was considering a job in organized crime. The dad replied with "government or private sector"
• A child tells his dad that he wants to work in organized crime His dad says : government or private sector?
• Don't get involved in organized insect crimes. The mothia is ruthless.
• Years ago I used to work as a secretary for the mafia. I was involved in very organized crime.
• I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such I was involved in very organized crime
• Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds? They were a conspiracy.
• My son said he wanted to get into organized crime when he grew up. "Government or private sector?"

Crime Rates Jokes

Here is a list of funny crime rates jokes and even better crime rates puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why are crime rates down in the US? Because criminals keep turning themselves into police.
• I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights... The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights.
• What part of Italy has the highest crime rate, The spaghetto
• Have you heard about the high crime rate of pixelated people It really needs a resolution
• How do you lower the crime rate? Give the criminals badges.
• What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson? The crime rate.
• Yoooo I'm high asf But not as high as the African American crime rate. Did you know that despite making up just 13% of the population-
• Crime rates are decreasing in my town. I found some money on the floor.
• What's the only thing that grows in Oakland? A: The Crime Rate!

Violent Crime Jokes

Here is a list of funny violent crime jokes and even better violent crime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• New studies show that the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by the children of immigrants. And it's been that way since 1607.
• Smart criminals Dumb criminals commit violent crimes that don't pay too well.
  Smart criminals commit white collar crimes.
  Really smart criminals become politicians.
• Why were there so many violent crime's in the Joinery and Woodcraft Store? The place is choke full of mallets.
• What do you call a dog that's violent and involved in crime? A ruffian
• If ever I commit m**..., I'm doing it with Indian flatbread. Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts.
• If I ever commit a m**..., I'm doing it with Indian flatbread. Naan violent crimes almost never merit life sentences.

True Crime Jokes

Here is a list of funny true crime jokes and even better true crime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be." That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!
• How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money? By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".
• People say black people never invented anything, but that's not true... We invented the FBI crime statistics.
• Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that m**....

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Crime Jokes

What funny jokes about crime you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean justice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crime pranks.