The Best 53 Crim Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crim jokes. There are some crim home jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crim asked puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crim Jokes and Puns

A crime in the park

A man walked into his house, and casually mentioned to his wife that he had seen a kid napping in the park. The wife was frantic, "What did you do about it?!" The man said, "Nothing, I let him sleep."

Crime on multi-story car parks,

it's wrong on so many levels.

Crime in lifts.

Its wrong on so many levels

Crim joke, Crime in lifts.

If crime doesn't pay...

... than you're doing it wrong.

In a crime scene....

"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"

"Well, the vic was found naked in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut murder case if you ask me"

"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during sex"

"So it was a suicide then...."

Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes?

The criminal: Please hold my hand...

What did the Criminal call his new pretzel company?

Assault and Buttery

Crim joke, What did the Criminal call his new pretzel company?

Why are crime rates down in the US?

Because criminals keep turning themselves into police.

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair?

he was a bad conductor.

You can explore crim boss reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crim shop dad jokes. There are also crim puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What crime did the man get charged with when he killed a black man?

Impersonating a police officer.

Crime TV shows aren't what they used to be

That's why I support Donald Trump's promise to bring back Law and Order.

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?



A bus conductor was making his rounds for collecting fares. On reaching a mischievous boy, the conductor asked the boy for his fare.
Boy: My name is crime.
Bus Conductor: Who cares?
Boy: Do you know that crime does not pay?

Crim joke, Crime

A criminal burgles into a dormitory...

He yells at one of the students:
"I'm looking for money!"
The student calmly replies:
"What a coincidence, I am too!"

Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire ...

.....what do freedom fighters fight?

What happens to criminal photons?

They get put in prism!

What do most criminals do at the end of their sentences?

Add a punctuation mark.

Criminal activity report

I read this morning that someone pick pocketed a midget. How could someone stoop so low?

Two criminals are trying to get away from an art museum in their getaway van after stealing pieces from 3 artists.

One gets in and turns the key. The van won't start.
The other one turns and asks, "Why aren't we moving?"
"I have no Monet to buy the Gascan to make the Van Gogh."

What crime should corrupt cops be charged with?

Impersonating an officer of the law.

With so many crimes happening at Gunpoint...

...not sure why people keep going there.

What crime does a careful walnut engage in?

Safe cracking

Why couldn't the criminal fall asleep?

He was resisting arrest.

Crime And Violence

When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

If you're a criminal and you go camping with EA, don't forget to bring something to sleep in...

... or they'll make you pay for the extra con tent

What crime is committed when you drink a glass of ice water, but use your lips to keep the ice from leaving the glass, only to let the water through?

Obstruction of just ice.

What criminal offense do college students commit the least?

Resisting a rest.

What crime did the Energiser Bunny commit?


A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

Why is it a crime to put condiments on your power supply?

Because it's assault and battery.

Criminals are called criminals because...

if they can commit a crime without being caught most of the time, they would be called Politicians.

They say: "Crime doesn't pay"

that's why criminals have to steal.

They say criminals often return to the scene of the crime

That must be why there's so many Australians in London nowadays

Criminal Justice is a lot like racial humor.

It's the dark ones that get you in trouble.

criminal defense attorneys are like whores

Their only job is to get you off...

Where do criminals like to hang out?

At the gallows.

They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.

No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They've accompliced a lot.

What did the criminal chemist say as he was escaping from a police officer?

Cu later Copper!

Me: is it a crime to throw sodium chloride at someone?

Judge: yes, that's assault.

Me: ik that's a salt, but is it a crime??

Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?

"Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?"

"Yes, that's assault."

"I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"

Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

Where do criminals go when they're arrested for possession of 32 ounces?

The quart room

"Y'know, I'm a criminal in 72 countries."

"How so?"

"Well, for starters, I'm gay."

"Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride into enemy's eyes?"

"Yes, that's assault."

"I know its a salt but, is it a crime?

In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism.

It's my Hannibal Lecture.

Criminal suspect identification.

Police detective: 'What can you remember about your mugger?'

Victim: 'He was slim built, with dark hair and wore a cap.'

Police detective: 'Anything else you remember?'

Victim: 'He had a moustache, about 6 foot 2.'

Police detective: That's one hell of a moustache

It is a crime to tell a joke to Optimus Prime.

You might be charged with Vehicular Man's Laughter.

When two criminals get surgically attached

They are con fused

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crim part jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crim city piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes