Crew Member Jokes
13 crew member jokes and hilarious crew member puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crew member that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Crew Member Short Jokes
Short crew member jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crew member humour may include short ship crew jokes also.
- Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members. Thanks for the stranger kind silver!
- Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show... Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.
- Why Wasn't LeVar Burton Offered the Hosting Job? Because Captain Picard would never put any of his crew members in Jeopardy.
- My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
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Quirky and Hilarious Crew Member Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about crew member you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first mate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crew member pranks.
A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member 'just how far away from land are we?' Calmly, he reassures her ' you have nothing to worry about ,we're only 5 kilometers from land.' Relieved, she inquires 'oh, in which direction?'
That would be straight down, Miss........
A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...
... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."
Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of c**......
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the c**... staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the c**... thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me c**... in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them herself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... humor...
A visitor came to our boat and gestured to the handful of crew members holding tools and engaged in discussion.
"Oh yes," I replied, "it's a 'solution' of engineers."
The visitor then gestured to the crew on the bridge who were standing around the chart table engaged in a discussion.
"That? Well that's a 'clusterfuck' of captains."
As we were speaking the engineers walked onto the bridge and began chatting with the captains.
"Ok," the visitor replied, "so what is it when the engineers get mixed up with the captains?"
"Oh," I said, shaking my head. "That's almost always a 'fucked up solution'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A navy crew aboard a submarine are called by their initials...
A new recruit joins the crew, his name Ben Olivander. His crew-mates consist of Fredrick Udell, Collin Kilmer, Oscar Chase, and Owen Omar Faber.
BO is quickly made fun of by OC, although FU, c**..., and OOF enjoy BO's company as he is funny and kind. Due to this, OC is somewhat outcasted on board and nobody likes him.
The captain later comes in as OC is complaining about his poor treatment.
BO, FU, c**..., and OOF, why are you guys so rude to one of our members!
Why doesn't anyone on this sub like OC!?
A pirate joke:
A pirate ship is sailing the sea when suddenly 2 British ships surround it. The captain shouts "bring me my red shirt" the pirates win and continue sailing
Later, 5 British ships surround the pirates ship. The captain yells again "bring me my red shirt" the fight is tough but the pirates win.
Then one of the crew members asks the captain "why do you always ask for your red shirt before battle?"
The captain answers
" so the ship's crew can't see the blood of my wounds, that way they are not demoralized".
Afterwards 15 British ships surround the pirate ship, and the captain yells
"bring me my brown pants"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old but gold, Captain Jack Arrow.
Jack Arrow was a captain of a pirate ship. He was always chased by danger. As one day, a crew member came up to captain jack and said " We got an enemy ship approaching us from behind, sir!!!" Captain Jack, with all confidence, replied "Bring me my red shirt!". As the enemy ship boarded Captain Jack's ship, a battle initiated, and it went successfully for Captain Jack's side as not a single crew member of his lost their live. After the battle, the crew member approached Captain Jack, "Sir, why did you ask me to bring your shirt? and why specifically 'red'?" the crew member asked. Captain Jack, with a smile on his face, replied "So that in case I get wounded in battle, my crew would continue to fight!". The very next morning, the same crew member came up to Captain Jack with t**... on his face "Sir! we have TEN enemy ships approaching us from behind, sir!!!". Captain Jack, stared dead serious at his face, then screamed "BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS!"
Captain of a Ship..
Captain of a Naval ship spots pirates on the horizon, He calls the men to arms and asks "Quick men, Bring me my red shirt." Just before they encounter the pirates he puts on the Red Shirt, they fight, the win the battle.
That night while celebrating the victory some of the crew members ask the Captain "Why do you always wear the red shirt into battle?"
"Well, If the worst should happen and i get wounded, i do not want my men to see me weak, so i wear a red shirt so no one can see me bleed." the captain responded.
'Wow' they thought, our captain is really a great leader.
A few days later as they searched, they came across a fleet of pirate ships, dozens over dozens of pirate ships. Worse, the pirates were headed their way. The Captain called they to arms and say "Quick men, bring me my brown pants."
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt.
After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir."
At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon.
The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."