Crew Jokes

This article dives into humorous stories and jokes related to cabin crew, film crew, stage crew, skeleton crew, and ship crews to offer a lighthearted break from the hustle and bustle of crew life. Uncover the lighter side of life on the freighter, with the captain at the helm and coast coming into view.

Hilarious Fun Crew Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew

but I still have to shoot the pilot.

A 90 year old woman is getting married for the fourth time.

A news crew is there to document the story. The reporter asks the woman about her odd marital past. "Let me get this right," he says. "Your first husband was a banker. Your second husband was a clown. Your third husband was a doctor, and you're about to marry a mortician. Why the menagerie of different men?" She smirked and said "It was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

jokes about crew

Why the F1 driver doesn't get along with his crew?

He has thrust issues.

That poor security guard....

A security guard at a factory has two wooden legs.

He was working a night shift once when the factory caught fire.

A spokesman from the fire brigade told the local news crew that
thanks to them arriving on the scene quickly, the factory was saved.

However, the security guard was burned to the ground.

A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation

Though Transylvania is mostly rivers and mountains, a new outdoor sport is achieving newfound popularity. Folks have been flocking to the calmer parts of the Olt and Danube to try out for a crew, the competitive paddling fad usually found in lakes. In fact, the sport has spread from the region to the whole country.

Truly, the nation has Ro-mania.

Crew joke, A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."

Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.

The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing.

Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.

NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"

"It's fine, whatever."

Sleepy pilot

What did the tired pilot say to his crew?

I think I'm gonna crash

You can explore crew coast reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crew stage crew dad jokes. There are also crew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT

The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.

A boat carrying red paint, and a boat carrying blue paint, both crash into each other.

The crew are now marooned.

The chinese dierector

A chinese movie crew was preparing for a movie.

The dierector was Phill Ming

A captain and his crew...

A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."

I want to start a towing company.

I'll name it Jaques Crew Tow.

Crew joke, I want to start a towing company.

A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning....

he wakes up and says to his crew, "AYE-matey!"

What did the crew do when Blackbeard died?

Switched on the auto-pirate.

A ship's captain is running accross the deck....

He gets to the back overlooking the sea and starts undoing his pants. One of the crew sees this and asks him: "what in God's name are you doing sir?". The captain turns his head and says "I aft to pee".

Day 20: Still lost at sea.

Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a compass protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy leg man

A blind man walks into a bar

...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.

Why was 6 afraid?

Because she could be discovered by the crew of Battlestar Galactica at any moment.

A woman from the ghetto is in the grocery store with a whole crew of kids...

She yells out, "Billy!" and nine boys come running and line up by the door.

A passer-by laughs to himself and asks, "Did you name all your sons Billy?"

"Yup. Makes calling them for dinner a lot easier."

"What happens when you only need to talk to one of them?"

"Then I just call them by their last name."

What did the crew of the International Space Station say to Mission Control?

Houston, you have a problem.

Why couldn't the robot pirate acknowledge his crew?

He was waiting on an aye patch.

I don't know why everyone is so angry at Logan Paul and his crew visiting suicide forest...

...everyone was just hanging around.

Crew joke, I don't know why everyone is so angry at Logan Paul and his crew visiting suicide forest...

Santa was hit by an Airbus 747 while flying over Barcelona last night, and none of the flight crew survived

The doctors have confirmed that the reindeer in Spain were hit mainly by the plane.

- Credit to Colin Monchrie from "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

When you have an all male crew flying a plane....

... it's called a cockpit.

If you have an all female crew it's a box office.

A Pirate captain comes out as gay to his crew.

The next day he pulls everyone together for a meeting while they're docked at port, during the meeting he introduces a young man to the crew and says "Arr, this be me first mate."

I didn't trust my wife home alone with the roofers...

So I hired an all gay roofing crew. I don't know if it worked worked, she said they've been outside banging all day.

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook's right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

The captain of a cruise ship tells to the passengers and the crew..

- Dear ones, I have a good and a bad announcement to make.
Which one do you want to hear first?

- "The good one".

- We're going for 14 Oscars!

I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.

Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."

The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.

Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!

You are lying in the hospital thinking that you have got a small fever.

Then the full crew of Avengers comes to visit you.

Captain: "Can you knot?"

Crew: "I can not."
Captain: "Wait, you can or you can't knot?"
Crew: "I can not knot."
Captain: "Not knot?"
Crew: "Not this rope i can not"
Captain: "Shutup"
Crew: "Can you not?"
Captain: "I can knot"
Crew: "I meant tell me too shutup"

A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm

He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "

The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "

" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "

To which the lookout replies " Eye, eye Captain! "

What's the difference between ninjas and a stage crew?

Ninjas move silently around walls and a stage crew moves walls around silently

So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...

They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...

Alien vs Predator

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.

He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.

"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

A woman with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously,she asks a crew member 'how far away from land are we?' He reassures her' don't worry,we're only 5 miles from land'. Relieved, she says 'oh,in which direction?'

'That would be straight down Ma'am', he replies..

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters?

Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

You've asked for more Russian jokes...

The sewer system is broken and is full of shit. Maintenance crew arrived. The old experienced guy jumps into the sewer and asks the young apprentice to pass him a tool, then another one. Finally, after it's fixed, he gets out of the sewer, covered in shit from head to feet and says:
"Learn from the master, otherwise the only thing you will ever do is pass the tools!"

In order for The Mandalorian's ship to take off he had to ensure his crew and cargo wasn't too heavy.

This is the weigh.

When do Pirates acquire their crew?

During mating season

Do you know why they don't allow prostitutes on crew teams?

Because hoes are hard to row.

A seaman goes up to his captain

He says Captain there is an enemy ship on the horizon.

The captain says Bring me my red shirt.

After the battle, the seaman is taking to the captain.

Captain, why did you tell me to bring you your red shirt?

If I was shot, the crew wouldn't notice and continue fighting.

Then someone shouted 20 enemy ships on the horizon!

The captain tells the seaman, Bring me my brown pants.

A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member 'just how far away from land are we?' Calmly, he reassures her ' you have nothing to worry about ,we're only 5 kilometers from land.' Relieved, she inquires 'oh, in which direction?'

That would be straight down, Miss........

This is Captain Leonardo Ricardo speaking,

On behalf of my crew and I, I'd like to welcome you on board flight 633 from New York to Abu Dhabi. We are on the air above 38,000 feet across Atlantic Ocean.

If you you look outside the window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the engine is on fire. If you look down the window, you will see a little yellow boat on the ocean. Inside the boat are 3 people waving at you, that's me, the Co-pilot and your Air hostess.

This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!

Somewhere over Belarus a pilot just had a radio call

Pilot to crew: We are requested to land immediately.

Please prepare the cabin.

Crew: Why, what is happening?

Pilot: Threat of an explosive.

Cew: What? What explosive?!

Pilot: The one they will fire at us if we don't.

My dad encouraged me to take a job on a highway construction crew...

...but I decided not to go down that road.

Did you hear about the ship that crashed on an island with a cargo of red and brown paint?

Apparently the whole crew was marooned.

Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show...

Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.

Why Wasn't LeVar Burton Offered the Hosting Job?

Because Captain Picard would never put any of his crew members in Jeopardy.

For talk like a pirate day

There was a famous pirate captain who before a battle would turn to his ensign and say
Fetch me me red shirt
After the battle was won the ensign asked
Why the red shirt captain?
If I get shot or wounded the shirt will hide the blood and the crew won't be alarmed
A month later, looking out at the see he saw a huge English armada headed for him
He turned to his ensign and said
Fetch me me brown pants

How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?

They operated with a skeleton crew.

The first mate on a ship rarely drinks

The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last night". He complained to the captain saying that it was very rare. The captain defended his entry saying that it was the truth, wasn't it? The next day the captain opened the ship's log, and the first mate had written, "The captain was able to stay sober last night."

An English ship is in distress at sea.

One of the English crew members is doing a radio call asking for help: We are sinking! We are sinking! Can anyone hear? We are sinking!

A German ship is nearby and receives the emergency call. One of the crew members answers: Oh how nice! What are you sinking about?

I just got off an aeroplane piloted by an all female flight crew.

It was an unmanned aircraft.

Why did the dominatrix join the submarine crew?

...She's just got a thing for subs.

Pegleg Pete the Pirate decided to retire

He fired his crew, ran his ship aground, and built a small cabin for himself just a short walk from the beach. He enjoyed his quiet life until global warming turned his front yard into a swamp. He couldn't get down to the shore without struggling through muck and mud that was once his peaceful stroll. Finally, he realized only one solution was possible: he was going to have to plank the walk.

Got the whole ice cream shop with this one:

While I was out with the family getting ice cream, the crowded shop had one of those awkward moments where everyone randomly goes quiet all at the same time - just as the confectioner handed me my ice cream.

I proceeded to ask Where does someone learn to make ice cream this good?

Confectioner - I'm not sure… the morning crew makes the batches

Did they learn at sundae school???

I could not have been prouder with the chorus of groans and chuckles that rang throughout the shop.

A Submarine Captain is walking down the street...

... when he sees a Buddhist monk fixing a fence.


"Hey mister, I'm having some trouble running my submarine. None of my crew like me. You're a wise man, what would you suggest?" asked the Captain.


"Make sure to switch everybody's positions very often" said the monk.


"Why?" said the Captain.


The monk replied "You'd be surprised at the amount of karma you get from reposting."

A friend came back to our country after being in a safari in the wild

He told me the experience was marvelous, except for one bit. He strayed far away from the guides and crew and then, found himself in front of a lion. He proceeded to run. So did the lion, although this one slipped a few times, giving the chance to my friend of escaping, unscathed.

I was shocked after hearing this and, asked him if he didn't shat himself or anything after seeing the lion. He replied: "Of course! In what do you think the lion slipped on?"

My local paving crew seems to have disappeared.

I have no idea when they will resurface.

Did you hear about the boat carrying red paint that crashed into the boat carrying purple paint?

I hear some of the crew is believed to be marooned.

What did the pirate CEO say to his crew?

Argh you have to work harder! Our **sails** are down!

It would be impossible to remake a classic movie like Casablanca today

because the cast and crew are all dead.

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus' ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That's almost a three to Juan ratio.

Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I captain.

A ship was sinking...

The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".

A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.

"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".

The entire crew of the first manned mission to Jupiter died upon reaching the planet...

I guess nobody quite understood the gravity of the situation.

Captain Stutteter

There was once a pirate known as Captain Stutteter. One day he said to his crewmates.

"W-when I I I s-s-Say S-Sh-Shore! Eve-everybody jump offboard!"

Hours passed as they sailed the sea while Captain Stutteter scrutinized around with his spyglass. Then he shouted:

"SH-SH!"

All the crew jumped offboard.

"SH-SHARK! SHAAAARK!!"

A snail decides he wants to be a racer...

So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.

He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.

The coach stares and says 'Look at that S-Car-Go!"

A man joins a ship's crew as a cook

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.

"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like penises. I don't like it," he says.

The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."

The Enterprise-D had just accomplished a major Starfleet mission, so the crew went to celebrate at Ten Forward. Captain Picard and Chief O'Brien were chosen to give the toasts.

First O'Brien gave his toast; "May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live."

Next Picard gave his toast; "Cinnamon, eggs, bread and maple syrup."

The bartender, Guinan, admired O'Brien's toast, but was absolutely confused by Picard's.

So O'Brien explained, "As you all know, I'm from Ireland, so I gave a traditional Irish toast."

And Picard explained, "And as you all know, I'm from France..."

I just figured out why airlines are having staffing issues.

The whole crew keeps taking off!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crew skeleton crew puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crew film crew piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes