The Best 33 Crematorium Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crematorium jokes. There are some crematorium munich jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crematorium cremator puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crematorium Jokes and Puns

Two Jews emigrate from Russia.

One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. One year passes and they get together at a restaurant to catch up.

"Moshe, I'm very lucky" says his friend, "I live in Haifa now where I own a supermarket. The weather is wonderful, and everyone is so kind. I truly have it made."

"Izya, I am lucky as well. I live in Munich and work at a local crematorium, and you won't believe it, BUT I'M BURNING GERMANS!"

Little Jimmy goes to school

His teacher asks him "Why weren't you in school yesterday Jimmy?"

He says "Sorry, my Granddad got burnt."

"Oh" she says "Was he badly burnt?"

Jimmy replied "Well they normally do a good job at the crematorium"

One of my favorites from Fallout 3:

I once visited a crematorium that gave discounts to burn victims.

Crematorium joke, One of my favorites from Fallout 3:

My friend got a job making fancy ash pots for a crematorium.

It's an interesting way to urn a living.

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.


I hate my job at the crematorium

But at last I urn a paycheck.

Did you hear about the Crematorium worker who took a nap in one of the body bins?

He was exhausted.

Crematorium joke, Did you hear about the Crematorium worker who took a nap in one of the body bins?

A chemist mixes two chemicals with ash from a German Crematorium.

The poor guy got fired for it. It was his Final Solution.

Some people think working in a crematorium is weird...

but it's an honest way to urn a living

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

Why should you tip the guy at the crematorium?

Because he urned it.

You can explore crematorium mortuary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crematorium woolworths dad jokes. There are also crematorium puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday.

I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

Two Jews leave Russia

One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. When they get together a year later, one of them says,

"Abram, I'm doing great. I opened my own business in Haifa. The weather is nice, and everyone speaks my language!"

"You know, Khaim," says Abram. "I'm not doing too bad myself. I live in Munich and work in a crematorium. You won't believe it friend, but I'm actually burning Germans!"

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

"Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"Sorry Miss, my uncle got burnt"

"Goodness, nothing serious I hope?"

"They don't mess around at the crematorium, Miss"

Crematorium joke, "Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

I don't have much job security at the crematorium.

Everyone keeps getting fired.

Does anyone know of any crematoriums...

that give discounts for burn victims?

I have this stupid obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.


I hate these double standards

If you burn a body at a crematorium, you are doing a good job , but do it at home and you're destroying evidence .

I finally got promoted at the crematorium

What can I say, I urned it.

Did you hear there's a 50% discount at the crematorium this week?

They're having a fire sale.

My grandfather got pretty burnt the other day

They don't muck around at the crematorium

Why did the crematorium tech quit?

Not enough urnings.

We were happy to hear that grandpa has finally stopped smoking.

The crematorium said we could pick up his ashes tomorrow.

Hi, this is the crematorium. You kill them, we grill them.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you're being a respectful friend. Do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

In 1944 during a prisoner revolt at the Nazi's most infamous concentration camp, an SS guard was burned alive by prisoners in a crematorium oven.

This is what I call the Auschwitzaroo.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

Secret to long life

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.

The grandson took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96.

When he died, he left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.

Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

I work at a crematorium, and recently received an unclaimed corpse that came with a note that read: inherited wealthβ€”never worked a day in his life. So I cremated him, and put his ashes in an hour glass...

he's been working ever since.

A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crematorium burnt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crematorium graveside piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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