Cremation Jokes

Following is our collection of cremate puns and ashes one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cremation jokes for adults, dirty crematorium jokes and clean cemetery dad gags for kids.

The Best Cremation Puns

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

Cremation joke, I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

Why aren't cremations given out for free?

Because you have to urn them.

Cremation isn't free

You gotta urn it


Cremation

My last chance at a smoking hot body

Before i die im going to eat a whole bag of un-poped popcorn

Hopefully it will make the cremation a bit more interesting

Cremation joke, Before i die im going to eat a whole bag of un-poped popcorn

The secret to having a smoking hot body in old age?

Cremation.

Cremation

My final hope for a smokin' hot body!

The other day, we took my Grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead flesh.

It's a lot cheaper than cremation.

I finally figured out how to get a smoking hot body

Cremation.


Why doesn't everyone choose cremation?

You have to urn it.

Antonin Scalia requested cremation in his will, but millions of women will meet tomorrow to discuss if that's really best for his body.

Millions of women will meet tomorrow to discuss if that's really best for his body.

The lawyer called his client overseas...

..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."

How do you get a smokin' hot bod in no time at all?

Cremation

I took my grandmother to a place that for only 45$ they put you in a bath filled with fish that eat the dead skin off :)

It was cheaper than cremation or a burial!

Cremation joke, I took my grandmother to a place that for only 45$ they put you in a bath filled with fish that eat

I took my grandma to fish spa. Everyone freaked out!

But in my defense, it's more affordable than cremation.

The man who has set himself on fire during a protest has died of his injuries.

His cremation will be continued next week.

Joan Rivers was not available for cremation...

They had to recycle her instead.


What's the hottest kind of necrophilia?

Cremation.

Why does it smell like burnt plastic?

They just started Joan Rivers cremation.

RIP

What do you call the rest of a unique fortune teller's cremation?

A rare medium well done.

America's fattest man has died.

The cremation will be next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

How to creep out a mortician

How to creep out a mortician.

1. Go in to pre-plan your funeral.

2. Tell him, "I want my remains scattered over the sunflower fields of Fayetteville."

3. He says, "We can do that. The cost for cremation is..."

4. Say, "Cremation? Who said anything about cremation?"

5. Mortician creep-out ensues.

When I am over the age of 65...

If I get a bad sunburn. Please don't call it a sunburn, call it Pre-bake for cremation .

Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once.

Got my fingers burnt.

Took my Grandma to a nibble fish spa..

It's cheaper than burial or cremation!

Right before I die, I'm going to eat an entire bag unpopped popcorn

It will make the cremation very interesting.

Will moses be at the president's cremation?

To witness another burning bush.

After I die, I want my remains spread at my favorite places around the world so my family can experience them too.

But I don't believe in cremation.

Before I die

I will swallow a lot of gunpowder.
That should make the cremation a little more interesting

Before I die

Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

That should make the cremation a little more interesting.

Right before I die, i'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels.

My cremation is going to be epic.

Wasn't sure how to afford funeral expenses until I remembered...

A cremation saved is a cremation urned.

We got my dad the best cremation money could buy.

He urned it.

What do you call any dead body during cremation?

Lit AF.

Today I received an invitation to an informational dinner from a cremation services company.

I wonder if it's a barbeque.

There is an abundance of burial jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 37 funniest jokes and cremation puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any undertaker witze you can hear about cremation.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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