Cremate Jokes

Following is our collection of crematorium puns and died one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cremate jokes for adults, dirty mortician jokes and clean undertaker dad gags for kids.

The Best Cremate Puns

My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..

We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.

When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea

Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

My Gran died of asbestosis.

It was terrible, it took us four months to cremate her.

Being cremated.....

..... is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

Two friends meet at a bar

Guy 1: Can you believe i just spent $3000 to cremate my mother-in-law?

Guy 2: Oh really? i only paid $500 to cremate my mother-in-law

Guy 1: Yeah but your mother-in-law was dead...


My wife and I have different ideas on death.

I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.

My grandfather died of asbestosis.

Took 6 months to cremate him.






This works better in person when you get the other person believing you first.

I want to be cremated as it is my last hope

for a smoking hot body.

I want to be cremated...

So I can finally have a smoking hot body!!

Andy Griffith's family are undecided on funeral arrangements.

They may cremate, they Mayberry

My grandpa died of asbestosis

It took three weeks to cremate him.


Why we cremate people:

Some people get creamted because when you die, your family is gonna want to put you in a casket for the funeral. And if they can't decide whether to choose open or closed, they compromise... and put you in ajar.

Husband: Hunny, when I die...

I want you to cremate me and put me in a whistle so you can blow me one last time.

So Thatcher is dead... Apparently they can't cremate her...

...this lady is not for Burning

What made the Scottish man decide to cremate his wife?

A recipe instructed him to place his bird in the oven for 6 hours.

Cremated people...

... have urned it

What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?

'I'm in light urn.'

I had a granny that we couldnt decide whether to bury or cremate

In the end we decided to just let her live.

When my grandfather died, we scattered his remains in the sea.

People at the beach started freaking out though, because we didn't cremate him.


Why haven't they cremated Colonel Sanders yet?

They haven't decided on regular or extra crispy.

My cremated aunt used to give great advice.

She always told me that you have to urn your place in life.

There is an abundance of ashes jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 21 funniest jokes and cremate puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cremator witze you can hear about cremate.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes