The Best 58 Credits Jokes

Following is our collection of Credits jokes which are very funny. There are some credits intro jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these credits spoilers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

how many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll give 'em four credits for it.

If your debits and credits don't equal,

then your assets in jail.

Why did the boy look at each and every one of the animal crackers?

Because his mother told him not to eat them if the "seal" was broken.

Credits to my school principal

How many SEC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. And they get 3 credits for it.

What do you call a fat computer?

A Dell.

--
Credit where credits due. Got this off of some dude's donation on Summ1t's twitch stream:P


What is a traitor?

A tray shaped dinosaur.

Credits go to the wife for that one! She still giggles when she tells it.

There are 10 kinds of people...

Those who understand ternary notation, those who don't and those who thought this would be a binary joke.

Credits to /u/johnnybenude

Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?

Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.

Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories.

He says he wants to "make America grate again."

Can a woman make a man a millionaire?

Only if he's a billionaire.

Credits to Kevin Hart

Don't be racist! I takes all colors to make a rainbow.

Except black. There's no black in a rainbow.

Credits to vinesauce

Top Credits Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore credits film reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean credits credit dad jokes. There are also credits puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?

It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

 

 

*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*

I know how the Force Awakens ends!

Credits.

What do you call a teacher who doesn't flatulate in public.

A private tutor.
-Credits to my cousin ;)

It's no surprise that Trump is here, just look at all the movies where there is a black President and something comes to destroy the earth.

All credits go to Larry Wilmore. ;)

How do you make a venetian blind?

Poke his eyes out

Credits go to my 90 year old grandfather, currently completing his PhD

I've always thought about how nice it would be to die in my sleep like my grandfather did...

... and not screaming like all the passengers in the bus he was driving.

Credits to /u/GhostOfGuyFieri

What do you call a mythical milkshake?

Legendairy

(credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)

England 1 - 2 Iceland

Credits to Iceland though, can't take that away.


What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.

Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics?

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits

Does that make him a Stalingrad?

My husband's new prescription glasses is not working

He still can't see things my way.

^Credits ^to ^the ^original ^twitter ^post.

Sarah, i understand that you are a feminist...

...but you can't end your prayer with "awomen" instead of "amen"
credits to an anonymous facebook post of which i was too lazy to read the name

My parenrs were very principled people...

When I was young, they caught me smoking one Newport. They proceeded to force me to smoke the whole pack, just to teach me a valuable lesson..

..about brand loyalty.

_ credits to Anthony Jeselnik

What's the difference between a motorbike and a toilet?

In the first case you sit and run, in the second you run and sit.

(incredibly nobody ever wrote this one before, credits to dad)

You know where Russians get their milk?

MOSCOW

(Credits to the game Blood & Bacon)

My dad doesnt trust anyone, in fact he has a saying about it

But he wouldnt tell me

Credits: Anthony Jeselnik

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.

Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.

Where do Italian gangsters live?

In the spaghetto.

PS: credits to my girlfriend who came up with it

During the prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants?"

"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

This is a repost from two years ago, all credits to u/-stillborn-

Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...

... and then blame it on the boyfriend

Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Who invented first point and click interface?

Smith and wesson.

Credits to an amazing profesor.

A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.

The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.

"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".

credits to u/Mr-Everest

Have you heard about the PR disaster at EA over Battlefront 2?

*60,000 credits*

EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that...

[This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]

Why did EA Games cross the road?

Please purchase a loot crate for a chance at credits to purchase the punchline

What did Darth Vader tell Luke?

Luke, I am your [Unlock Content for 20000 Credits].

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Roses are red, violets are blue...

...if you like your job, i'm sorry for you.

Credits to my boss. Yeah, i got fired.

Happy thursday to you all.

Who's better? HIV or a Black Dad?

HIV: It stays with the child after birth.

Credits: Irwincardozo Comics

If there is an Urban Dictionary...

...Shouldn't there be a Rural Dictionary

Credits to my friend Portia.

I feel sorry for homeless gay people

They have no closet to come out of.

(Credits: George Carlin)

You know if you gave me a dollar for every gender there is I would have 2 dollars...

and a whole bunch of counterfeits.

Where was Drax in Avengers : Infinity War?

I saw his name in the credits and heard his voice sometimes, but why wasn't he in the movie?

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Genie: I can grant you 3 wishes

Genie: I can grant you 3 wishes

Man: I wish I was divorced

[poof]

Genie: you have one wish left

Credits : @Boogtweeets

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years later and says, "Tadaaaaahhhh!!!!"

**Credits to u/GeneralText**

What did the Buddha say to the hotdog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

Credits go to the Netflix show 'Maniac (S01E04)'.

Treyarch had to release black ops IIII as IV in Afghanistan...

Because over there they have Tallyban

Credits to u/GhoulsCo

Why is 10 afraid of 7?

Because seven ate nine.

Credits to Charles to French for this joke/pun.

What do you call an extraterrestrial lesbian?

Alien Degeneres

Credits to Craig Ferguson for coming up with this joke

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

Credits to: Adam pacitti

It's over, she said, standing up and starting to walk out on me. I just sat there..

...I love watching the end credits when I go to the movies.

A man and his friend were chilling.

His friend got a headache,so the man got him pills.

When the friend took the pills, he did a handstand.

Man: What are you doing?

Friend: Taking the pills.
Man: Why are you upside down?

Friend: So the pills don't go in my stomach.

Man:.....

Friend:.....

(Roll credits)

I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not in África. Then i realised vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa .

Credits to u/Josh1804

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the credits imdb jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working credits movie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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