Credit Jokes

Funniest Credit Short Jokes

Short credit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The credit humour may include short debit jokes also.

1. Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
   
2. I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
   2. My social security number
   3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
3. A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
   Credit to u/DrDerpberg
4. What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
   [Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
5. If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
6. EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that... [This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]
7. If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
   "...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
   -Credit goes to my mother
   -
8. Why are there no highly credited esteemed flat-earthers? Because flattery will get you nowhere.
9. Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
10. A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?" "For drinking." replies the cop.
    "Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
    ​
    (credit to "Fact and Fun" on youtube)

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Credit One Liners

Which credit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with credit? I can suggest the ones about payment and charge.

1. Why are people complaining,what EA did was great! I mean, you've got to give them credit.
2. You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
3. What's the leading cause of dry skin ...towel
   Credits:dads
4. Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
   Credits to Kevin Hart
5. What's green and not heavy? Light green.
   Credit to my 10 year old for this one.
6. Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used praypal.
7. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
   Credit to my sister
8. What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic
9. Have you heard about the PR disaster at EA over Battlefront 2? *60,000 credits*
10. If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.
11. What pollinated most of the world's crops and doesn't take any of the credit? A humblebee
12. What country does not accept cash or credit cards? The Czech Republic
13. I know how the Force Awakens ends! Credits.
14. How do you milk a sheep? Release another iPhone for $1000.
    -Credit to my buddy at work
15. What's the most powerful Star Card in Star Wars Battlefront II? Your credit card.

Credit Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit card jokes and even better credit card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A thief stole my wife's credit card But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.
• I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
  2. My social security number
  3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
• When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
• My stolen card Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
  Me : The thief was spending less than my wife
• I'm really good at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.
• My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.
• "Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet! - Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.
• I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
• I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.
• My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday 

Bad Credit Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad credit jokes and even better bad credit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• 2023 is a bad year to be a hot air balloon pilot without a radio. credit to iBeej for this one!
• Why has our solar system never been visited by aliens? Bad reviews; only one star.
  Credit's to Sebastion Elytron; where ever you may be.
• Where do bad lenses get sent to? To prism.
  (Credit to my wife, she works in optometry)
• If you have bad credit, a trigonometrist is the best friend to have. He can cosine for you.
• bad day today I put on my shirt, a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!!
  Credit Rodney Dangerfield
• People used to say my jokes were bad until I put a cape on them Now they're super bad
  Credit to Jeff Lewis Neal from the rise guys Morning Show
• I don't know why everyone's complaining about chip card readers. I have bad credit.
• You know, when you think about it, President Obama really is a lot like God. He takes all the credit for good things and refuses to be blamed for any bad things.
• Your momma's credit is so bad, the bank won't even lend her a pen to fill out a credit application.
• Anybody have bad credit? Yeah I wouldn't admit it either...

Credit Score Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit score jokes and even better credit score puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I don't understand why my credit score is so low. Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.
• I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions 1. ⁠My credit card number
  2. ⁠My social security number
  3. ⁠Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate
• Why God's credit score is so low? Because only Jesus saves
• What kind of Doctor has the worst credit score? Proctologists, they're always in Arrears.
• The type of girls I date are just like my credit score... Every time I pull out my credit card, they both go down on me.
• Everyone wishes their credit score was like their payments. Outstanding.
• Want to know how to avoid identity theft? Have a 350 credit score
• My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 Credit Score. And all thanks to this community! I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!
• An accountant joke "dont mess with me, ill drop your credit score so low you wont be able to get a loan from a library"
  -The amazing world of gumball
• What's the problem with your credit score? If my credit score equaled (my family's combined IQ + the money I currently have in my bank account), I still wouldn't get approved for a car loan.

Credit Manager Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit manager jokes and even better credit manager puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Sign in a store window... Our credit manager is Helen Wait. If you want credit go to Helen Wait.
• I organized a t**... last night! Had a couple of no shows, but I still managed to enjoy myself.
  Credit to u/icepck

Credit Union Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit union jokes and even better credit union puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I recently switched from Wells Fargo to a credit union... ...my banking got much simpler - bye all accounts.
• A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application.
  "Do you have references?" she asked.
  The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"

Unearthly Funniest Credit Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about credit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tribute jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make credit pranks.