Credit Card Jokes

Following is our collection of puns and one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Credit Card jokes for adults, dirty jokes and clean dad gags for kids.

The Best Credit Card Puns

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

Credit Card joke, Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not

A thief stole my wife's credit card

But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.

Considerate.

*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*

Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"

Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".


A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"

"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

Credit Card joke, I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it.

Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.

My stolen card

Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
Me : The thief was spending less than my wife

Went and got my first gun yesterday

Went and got a 9mm pistol I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says strip down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic


I'm really good at managing my credit card.

My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.

My credit card was stolen today

I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.

"Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet!

- Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

For me, having sex is a lot like spreading butter on toast.

It's possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.

Credit Card joke, For me, having sex is a lot like spreading butter on toast.

I had a big mix up at the store today.

Apparently when the clerk said strip down facing me, she was referring to my credit card.

I'm not one to brag about my financial skills,

but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined

Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.


My bank was worried

My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday ο»Ώ

So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago...

...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!

Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen?

Because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Persuading girl into having sex with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.

It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.

Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood...

Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood when someone jumps out from behind a car, pulls out a pistol, and demands, "Give me your wallets, NOW!"

The guys, pretty much expecting this, sigh and pull out their wallets. One guy opens his wallet and shows the thief that he had no cash and no credit cards.

The other guy opens his and grabs a bill, handing it to his friend. "Oh, hey, here's the $20 I owe you."

What's the most powerful Star Card in Star Wars Battlefront II?

Your credit card.

My wife is like a new credit card.

0% interest for 12 months.

I'm like a credit card.

I'm always being used or denied.

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.

My sex life is like my credit card.

It expired a long time ago.

Someone stole my wife's credit card

But I don't want him found. He is spending less than she was.

Credit : The Murder Room

A man had his credit card stolen...

However, he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

I'm normally not one to brag about my financial skills

But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday

So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber pistol for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, Strip down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.

I couldn't find my credit card this morning.

Someone must have swiped it.

I'm sorry.

Here I thought 3.5 would never impress a girl

but then I whipped out my credit card.

There is an abundance of jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 35 funniest jokes and credit card puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any witze you can hear about credit card.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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