Cred Jokes

Following is our collection of krab puns and badass one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cred jokes for adults, dirty carson jokes and clean bye dad gags for kids.

The Best Cred Puns

My credit card was stolen today

I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.

I'm like a credit card.

I'm always being used or denied.

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

At least she let him finish.

My credit card is like a stripper.

There isn't much on it.

I can't take all the credit... I would like to thank my fingers...

... I could always count on them. Without them, I would have lost touch.

My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem...

They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!

I had my credit card stolen.

About two years ago now. I never reported it though. On my first statement, I found that the thieves were charging less than my wife was.

My wife's credit card was stolen a week ago.

So far they are spending less money than she normally does so I'm not going say anything.

A man tries to get into a club

The bouncer says, "I'd like to see your id"

The man replies, "I want to drink until I black out and screw anything that walks."

The bouncer nods his head respectively, "and your superego?"

"Ill have a few drinks and get a ride home."

Cred to C&H

My wife's credit card was stolen last week...

I haven't reported it yet though... because so far, they're spending less than she was.

In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ...

As usual, the devil is in the details ...

My credit card was stolen yesterday but not sure if I should report it...

My credit card was stolen yesterday but not sure if I should report it. The thief is spending a lot less than my wife normally does.

I would like to thank all the credit card companies that let me have credit lines

I don't think I can ever pay you back

How is credit like cocaine?

Everyone just needs 1 more line.

Why God's credit score is so low?

Because only Jesus saves

Credit Card

So my wife's credit card got stolen the other day. I didn't report it, though. Turns out the thief spends less than she does.

credit card

Guy 1 : " Hey man, you have been looking awfully happy lately"
guy 2 : "yeah someone Stoke my wallet and all my credit cards"
guy 1 :"Then why are you happy?"
guy 2:" The thief is spending less on my cards than my wife"

What do a Credit Card and a Gymnast have in common?

Outstanding Balance!

[credit to Mohammed Ali - r.i.p] Mohammed Ali walked on an Elevator...

He sees a guy and a pregnant woman in the elevator.

Ali looks at the guy and says "I swear I never saw her before in my life".

note: this really happened. Older family members who bumped into him in the late 70's to early 80's said he was really funny in real life.

What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down three miles from a blood bank?

A cab

Cred: Spongebob, my role model

When people ask me do I have street cred?

I always reply "I was on the inside for nine months."

Why do credit cards not work in France?

They don't understand the concept of charging.

What does an egg say when he gets turnt?

Om lit

cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation.

A priest, a rabbi, and a hipster walk into a bar...

The hipster says "man, this set-up is soooo played-out. I'm not gonna ruin my cred by staying, so I'm outie 5000." He then gets on his fixed-gear bicycle and rides it home to his loft that he pays for with money from his trust fund. He reads Bukowski by tap light in his futon until he falls asleep. And he lived ironically ever after.

Did you hear about the beautiful strangler?

He was breathtaking.

a small amount of cred to another post i read on this sub today.

Sure, street cred is good and all...

But bed cred is where it's at.

My credit card got stolen last week, but I didn't report it.

The guy was spending less than my SO.

My wife's credit card got stolen and she doesn't know how...

I do, I've been praying for a financial miracle.

How come Notepad has no street cred?

It can't wrap.

My credit card is like a fat persons scale

It's maxed out

What do credit card companies call people who pay their bills on time?

Dead beats.

Once my credit card got stolen and I never reported it.

The thief spent less than my wife.

There is an abundance of legit jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes and cred puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any gotham witze you can hear about cred.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes