Creatures Jokes

Following is our collection of humans puns and beastie one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Creatures jokes for adults, dirty reptiles jokes and clean possess dad gags for kids.

The Best Creatures Puns

Women say all men are dogs

but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.

California Condor

A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

We use a very accurate term to describe our government.

Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"


Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.

The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn't get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

One large woodland creature that can't feel pain, four large woodland creatures that can't feel pain, three large woodland creatures that can't feel pain, seven large woodland creatures that can't feel pain.

I know there is a joke here somewhere, but it seems like just a bunch of random numb bears to me.

If you don't know a lot of creatures in Greek Mythology...

I'll give you a mini-tour

What are prehistoric creatures called when they sleep?

**Dinosnores**


Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures?

Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing

Why won't any sea creatures date oysters?

Rumour has it they're shellfish lovers.

My friend showed me this awesome app where you can watch exotic creatures

Apparently it is called Tik tok

Why do sea creatures read the news?

To keep up with current events!

Everyone calling Mitch McConnell a turtle really needs to stop...

Turtles are intelligent creatures

What is the etymology of politics?

Poly for many and tics for blood sucking creatures.

TIL: humans and bonobos are the only creatures that look into their partner's eyes during intercourse.

I never do though.. Except for that one time when I was going at it, and suddenly she entered the room.

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures;

they only use pubic transportation.


Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right.

Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook.

(But it explains everything!)

What do you call it when people exchange sea creatures?

Squid pro quo.

My wife was arguing that women are naturally more compassionate and selfless creatures. I asked her to show me proof.

So she ordered me to sleep on the floor.

An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill.

Who gets to keep it?Β 

Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.

What group of creatures go by the base-8 code number 3.110375524210264302151423063050560067016321122011160210514763071...?

Octopi.

When God created the animals, He realized the sea creatures needed more work.

They were just beta fish

Scientists have created a type of brightly coloured sea creatures...

When i found out about this I yelled, "oh the hue-manatee!"

How do marine creatures commit suicide?

They krill themselves.

Old Clinton joke

President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.

As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?" Clinton responds, "well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." ... "Excellent trade sir!!"

Why don't sea creatures get divorced?

Because they can't afford abalone.

What is the etymology of the word "politics"?

*Poli*, from the Greek *polloi*, meaning "Many".

And *Ticks*, from English, meaning "little bloodsucking creatures."

I lost all my exotic sea creatures

And I can't buy them back because I don't have anemone.

Whales are the saddest creatures in the world.

They always have a heavy heart.

Why are fights between fictional creatures so boring?

Because they always drag on.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer, and a drunk man are walking down a road. They see a coin on the floor. Who picks it up?

The drunk man. The other three are mythical creatures.

Where do sea creatures go to work?

The offish.

Dolphins are the second most intelligent creatures on the planet second only to man

Pushing down women to third

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and a hobo are walking down the street when they simutaneously see a $100 bill. Who gets it?

The hobo. The rest are mythical creatures.

Have I ever told you the etymology of the word politics?

It is poly for many and ticks for small blood sucking creatures.

What do you call an academic institute concerning vegetables that only offers their services to mythological creatures?

A Unicorn

What are the rockstar's favorite fantasy creatures?

Elves.

Why do they call it "chill"ing?

Because we're all sochill creatures.

When you see helpless crawling creatures...

They are out of HAND!

A poem for my beloved GDPR

'Twas the night before GDPR,
And all through the house
Any presence of rodents or motion of any creatures at all will not be disclosed without specific informed consent.

3.14% of sea creatures...

are 8Ο€.

I need help thinking of a joke involving supernatural creatures

It needs to be a one or two liner, no knock knock jokes or riddles.

Context: I'm working at a summer camp and my call sign is Ghost. Tomorrow morning at the assembly, I'm going up and giving some world news (spoofs, not actual news). I want to say "hey guys, I'm Ghost with all your *other*worldly news", but I'm having trouble thinking of what to say after that. Any ideas would be great.

What do you call tiny disabled sea creatures?

Ectospasms

Cows are social creatures. They roam in the fields

and feed their young with the udders.

Why do monks wake up so early and have such an orderly day punctuated with regular prayer times?

Well they are creatures of habit after all.

Did thanos go to school when he was a kid?

NO because if he did he would have known plants and trees are living creatures too.

My cat named Habit just had kittens...

They're all creatures of Habit.

You must be one of the creatures from Bird Box.

Just the sight of you makes me want to kill myself.

Men. We are simple creatures.

If you want to know what a man is thinking about; wait five minutes - he will put your hand on it.

Fictional creatures started their own newspaper

I thought it was going to be all fairy tales, but it was pretty imp-press-ive.

Why do nuns love routines?

They are creatures of habit.

A beekeeper talks about the dangers of his job.

"Of course you have to be carefull you won't get stabbed by one of those creatures, but that's a part of living in a multicultural society."

How does Santa keep track of the bad sea creatures?

He puts them on the nautilus.

What do you call a crapload of bloodsucking creatures in the government?

Poly-tics

There is an abundance of beast jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes and creatures puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any humanoid witze you can hear about creatures.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes