Created Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Created puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Created

As God created this human child, God asked him...

"How about an extra chromosome?"

The child replied, "I'd be down for that."

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg

So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.

The history of the condom.

In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first condom using a sheeps lower intestine.



In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.

~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.

When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?

God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.

Gods assistant: Why?

God: For furniture.

Gods assistant: Furniture?

God: Believe me it'll be funny

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

What is the purpose of war?

"God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

If was created anywhere else it would have been called the teethbrush.

Since Eve was created from Adam's ribs...

That technically makes her Adam's side chick.

Which blood type was created by mistake?

Type O.

I created an Erectile Dysfunction support group once,

But it flopped,
Nobody came

I created a new word today.

Plagiarism.

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

Data.

So he can mine it.

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

God is talking to one of his angels and says

Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?

The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?

God says, I think I'll call it a day.

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

When God created women...

He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."

Ironically he made the Earth round.

An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.

The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.

"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."

"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."

The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....

And the rest was made in China.

Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...

... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."

God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.

Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."

God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."

Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"

then he made the world round and LAUGHED.

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.

It was a coup-stick.

A old Jewish man goes to the doctors...

He says "Doctor I've got a huge problem."

The doctor says "What is it?"

He says "I keep getting these silent, smelly, gassy emissions I was with my wife and the Grossmans yesterday and it happened about 100 times during dinner and created a nauseous gas but it was silent so no one new who it was and then again on the bus this morning and even in your office now I must have had 20 of them, Do you have anyway to fix this problem doc?"

The doctor looks up and says "Well first off I'm going to send you to specialist."

The man interrupts him "What kind of specialist doc?"

"A hearing specialist!"

Adam was feeling lonely...

so God created all of the animals to be his companions.

"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."

"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."

"A Woman? What's that?"

"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."

At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"

"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."

"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"

"An arm and a leg."

Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"

I got called into my boss's office for a bad billboard I created

It wasn't a good sign

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she leapt up and shouted 'JESUS CHRIST!'
'Correct again Claire'
And the class continues until the teacher asks a third question
'What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?'
Again Todd poked Claire, and she yelled out
'I SWEAR IF YOU POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SNAP IT IN HALF!'

God created the light...

Then he called it a day.

Church

Molly and Charlie were at Sunday school at their local church, and Molly, being tired, began to fall asleep. The Sunday school teacher then proceeded to ask:
''Who came down from heaven to save our souls?''
Charlie sticks a pin in Molly's arm as she wakes up with a start:
''Jesus christ!''
''Well done Molly, thats correct''
Molly then goes back to sleep. The teacher asks her another question:
''Who lives up in heaven and created the earth?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as she again wakes up:
''God almighty!''
''Correct again Molly''
Molly then goes to sleep for a third time, as the teacher asks her another question:
''What did Eve say to Adam after their 23rd baby?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as Molly wakes up and shouts:
''If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll snap it in two!''

Sony created two new stereos.

One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country.

Those are two stereo types.

Apple recently created a more child-friendly iTouch.

It's called the iTouch-Kids.

God's ruling

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes," he said,
"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

I've created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It's their Word against mine.

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don't know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

A Priest and a Rabbi go for a Walk in the Park

As both come by a beautiful lake, the rabbi says: Let's take a dip, the water looks refreshing!

But we have no trunks

Then let's go in as god has created us.

Said and done, they go in. After a while, they get out and walk back to their clothes. There, a small group of people surprise the two naked men.

Full of shame, the priest covers his manhood. He looks to the right and sees the rabbi covering his face.

What are you doing? , he asks.

The rabbi answers: My people recognize me by my face.

The Sensuous Wife!

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Pound 20 all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Pound 50 all crumpled up?"

"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled fifty pound note, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen Pound 50,000 all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited.

"Well go look in the garage," she said.

Finest Praying

Three neighbors were discussing the proper position and attitude for prayer. One said, "You should be on your knees with your head bowed in reverence to the Almighty."

The second man spoke up and said, "Remember that you were created in God's image. The position in which to pray is to stand up looking into the heavens into the face of God and talk to Him as a child to his father."

The third man spoke up and said, "I don't know about those positions, but the finest praying I ever did was upside down in a well."

I created a new word.

I call it, "Plaigiarism"

Apple has successfully created a self driving car

However, they are having problems installing windows.

"Mom, where did people come from?"

"God created us"

"But Dad said we came from monkeys"

"Dad told you about his side of the family. I am telling you about mine"

They finally created a documentary about clocks.

It's about time.

Why was Adam created before Eve?

So he had a chance to speak

What do you call a recently created sub-atomic particle?

New-tron.

A boy asks his grand dad where humans cane from

The grand dad says well, god created the earth and decided to make humans to populate it.

The boy says but that's not what grand ma said!

The grand dad asks well what did she say?

The boy says grand ma says that a smart monkey girl had a baby with a smart monkey boy and they kept getting smarter and smarter until they turned into humans. And then he says so where did we actually come from grand dad?

And the grand dad replies well I was talking about my side of the family and she was talking about hers.

(Not my joke)

Three men are sitting at a bar

Three men were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. They get to talking about there kids and how great they are.
The first man brags " My son is the greatest! He is CEO of a big company. He makes so much money that he just bought two new sports cars, one for himself and the other for his lover."

The second father, trying to show up the first, says "Oh Yeah? Well my boy created a huge internet company and makes millions he just bought two mansions, one for himself and the other for HIS lover".
The third guy is sitting quietly drinking his beer. The other two guys look at him and ask what about his son? Does he make a lot of money?
The third guy says " Nah, My son doesn't make millions or anything like that. He's a male escort. Although, his two best clients did just buy him a new car and a new mansion."

A child was born with no eyelids, so doctors created some using his foreskin

It worked okay, but he was a little cockeyed

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.


The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:


*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*

I created a wormhole, but it doesn't work.

Now it's just something to a-void.

A little girl asked her mum, How did the human race appear?

Mum answered, God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.
Dad answered, Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mum and said, Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?
The mother answered, Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes