Create Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Create puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Create

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn't want any advice on how to do it

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

Barbies create unrealistic expectations of women

No woman's head reattaches THAT easily in my experience

As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

because I refuse to create a class.

I created an Erectile Dysfunction support group once,

But it flopped,
Nobody came

CREATE PASSWORD -

"123Bob".

Password must contain no names, be complex and have over 50 characters.

"GameOfThrones"

Password accepted.

I created a new word today.

Plagiarism.

How to make a charity

1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit

So, little jonny came back from the church...

and asked his mom: "Mom, is god man or a woman".

Mom didn't want to spoil his mind so she said: "Both."

Little jonny went to his room and thought for sometime.

He came back and asked her: "Mom, is god black or white".

Again, the mom didn't want any controversy so she said: "Both."

Jonny again went back to his room and thought for sometime.

Then he came back and asked: "Mom, is god a straight or gay?"

Again, mom didn't want to create any controversy, so again she said: "Both."

This time jonny went to his room and thought really hard.

He came back and said: "Mom I finally figured it out. michael jackson is god"

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender

Greg " that's not it ,chief "

And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand

" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

One day I'll create a cure for blindness

You'll see.

What do new iPhones and Donald Trump have in common?

Both cost more than they're worth and create the illusion of superiority without ever delivering.

Adam was feeling lonely...

so God created all of the animals to be his companions.

"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."

"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."

"A Woman? What's that?"

"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."

At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"

"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."

"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"

"An arm and a leg."

Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"

Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...

Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"

Bill, Bonnie, and Ted

So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having sex. They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having sex with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having sex. This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?

Because it will create pandamonium

The most trustworthy knight

A king is about to set out on a journey far away from his home, and must leave his wife behind, but is worried about her faithfulness. He asks the local blacksmith to create a chastity belt that will keep his wife faithful, and so the blacksmith gets to work right away. The blacksmith brings the king a set of metal undergarments with a lock in the back, and a large hole in the front. The king asks why the blacksmith would leave a hole in such a spot. The blacksmith proceeds to get a short stick, and place it in the hole. Immediately, the end of the stick is chopped off by a blade within the hole. The king is impressed, so he leaves on his way after giving the undergarments to his wife. On the day the king returned, he assembled all of his knights in a line, and told them to drop their pants, in order to see who had tried to have their way with his wife. To his displeasure, the king saw that all down the line, every knight had lost his member to the blade, with the exception of one. The king congratulated the knight on his trustworthiness, and asked that he be made the new general in his army. The knight simply shook his head. The king asked again, and again the knight simply shook his head. Confused, the king asked the knight why he refused to accept such an honor, only to have the next knight in line turned to the king and say, "Forgive him, your majesty, he has had trouble speaking since his tongue was chopped off."

Antivaxxers should create social media accounts for their children

They'll go viral in no time.

Three men are shipwrecked...

... they drift towards an island unconsciously. They awake to be taken captive by a local cannibalistic tribe. The tribe chief tells the first man that the tribe will eat his meat, and he is to chose his own death. The man thinks about it and decides decapitation. So he is decapitated.

The chief then tells the second man that they will use his bones to create drumsticks with which they will play their drums. He is allowed to chose his own form of execution as well. So the man chooses poising.

Then they go to the third man and tell him that they will use his skin to cover the bottom of their boats, and tell him to chose his own form of execution. The man asks for a fork, and they bring him one. He then starts stabbing himself and says, "lets see you float a boat with this."

Why did God create man first?

To give him a chance to speak...

There was once a poetry competition...

and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.

For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."

The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his throat and says -

"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"

The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.

He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-

"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"

The army had to fire three of their generals..

They decided that a monetary compensation would be fitting, so they lined the three generals up and said:

"You will be paid a thousand dollars for each centimeter of distance you create from one body part to another"

The first general stretched his arms as far from each other as he possibly could, and said
"Measure the distance from the fingertips on my left hand, to the fingertips on my right hand." they paid the general and went on to the next.

The second general stretched his arms as far above his head as possible and said
"Measure the distance from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes" he was paid, and left with even more money than the first general.

They got to the final general, who promptly said
"I want you to measure the distance from my left nut to my right nut"
The soldier with the measuring tape didn't understand what was happening but did as he was told. A few moments later the confused soldier said "Sir, i don't understand. I can only see your right nut"

The general said with a big smile on his face:
"I know, i lost my left nut in 'nam"

I've created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It's their Word against mine.

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don't know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?

A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow.

You **sick** bastards.

Why did Zuckerberg create Facebook?

He couldn't pass the captcha for Myspace.

Adam is in the Garden of Eden...

Adam is in the Garden of Eden when he finds himself quite lonely.

He calls upon God, and asks him "Lord almighty, may you find me company here?"

God, in his infinite kindness, responds "Of course my child, I shall create a being to accompany you. The being will be beautiful, intelligent, caring, calm, and loving. The being shall satisfy you in every way and you two shall find love and be truly happy with one another.

Ecstatic, Adam says "Thank you Lord! What will it cost me?"

God replies "Your left arm and leg."

Adam ponders for a minute and replies- "What can I get for a rib?"

A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make..

..the ultimate sack of rice."

How do you create a hipster?

Give a homeless guy an iPhone.

Lenin in Poland

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

The artist is confused; "Lenin never went to Poland" he claims. The commissioner doesnt care about the facts however, and just wants the painting.

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

I created a new word.

I call it, "Plaigiarism"

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

The missionary and the black sheep

A young missionary travels to Senegal to teach God's way to a local tribe.

Upon reaching the village, he is not well received by the inhabitants, but he slowly and steadily create contact.
After many years he's finally accepted by the people and goes along well with everyone, until one day the chief's daughter gives birth to a white child.

Infuriated but not ungrateful for what the missionary has done for the village, he gives him one chance to explain himself in private.

The young man, who is innocent, tells him "I have nothing to do with it, it is just a hazard of the genetics. It's the same as with sheeps, most of them are white but sometimes a black one is born for no reason".

The chief steps back a little, gives a frightened look to the missionary, then whispers : "Ok, I won't say a word about my daugther, but don't you tell anyone about the sheep"

Not the best joke, but i did make it up myself.

Q: Why can you not hook two CD-ROM drives together to create a CD Writer?

A: Because two ROMs don't make a Write.

I created a wormhole, but it doesn't work.

Now it's just something to a-void.

Harley Davidson creator dies and meets God

The Creator of Harley Davidson dies and meets St Peter at the pearly gates. Peter asks him, "why would you create something like a Harley?? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time, and expensive. I'm going to have to take you to God to make the decision." So he takes him to God and God asks him the same question, the Harley creator's response was "well why did you create women? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time and expensive." God then pulls out a calculator and proceeds to punch in some numbers and responds, "just did the numbers and way more people are riding my creation."

The workers at the inn aren't very friendly...

they create a hostel environment.

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!"

The Italian says "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!"

The Greek man, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we INVENTED sex!"

The Italian man says "That may be true, but we introduced it to women."

Why is your mother like the universe?

They both create gravity waves when they bang.

Poetry contest

At a poetry contest where the contestants are given one word they must create a poem from, there was competition between a well regarded poet and a redneck. The word given to them was Timbuktu and the poet was to go first.

Almost immediately the poet starts speaking..

Slowly across the desert sands, treks a lonely caravan, men on camels, two by two, there destination, Timbuktu.

No one thought the redneck could even compete but nonetheless he immediately stands and says,

Me and Tim a huntin' went, met three whores in a pop up tent, they was three and we was two so I buck one and Tim buck two

Jesus likes to drink wine.

As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."

A Catholic Priest told this joke at a Wedding.

Adam woke up in the Garden of Eden. After a while of wandering around he became sad. God came to him and asked "Adam, why are you sad? I have created this amazing garden for you." Adam replies, "Why does every other being have mate and I do not?" God replies " Very well I will create for you a perfect mate. But it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thinks for a bit and then replies "What can I get for a rib?"

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden one day and looking really glum...

So God came down to find out why.
"Adam, I have created a beautiful paradise for you, why are you unhappy?"
"Well God, Eden is great and all, but sometimes I get really lonely. I wish I had a companion of some kind to share this beautiful garden with."
"You're right Adam, you need someone to share the glory of my creation with. I am going to create a companion for you, and I shall call her Woman. She will prepare your meals for you, bathe you, and satisfy all your sexual desires. She will be the perfect companion."
Adam's eyes light up and he says, "That sounds amazing God, what's this gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg"
"What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history...

Who created the first diswasher?

God, and her name was Eve.

Did you hear about the baby boy born without eyelids?

Fortunately, doctors were able to use his foreskin to create functional eyelids. While an overall success, the surgery did leave him a little cock-eyed.

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

I want to create a cook book that can raise the dead

I'll call it the Necronomnomicon

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes