Crazy People Jokes

A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."

A man died knowing he made a positive difference in the world.

Oh course, when he was just setting out people considered him crazy for wanting to s**... atoms of their electrons and send the electrons to space.

A Brazilian people killed.

One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"

That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was k**... over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.

From the AnnCoulter AMA...

Dogs are better than people and I can prove it: Put your ex and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around like crazy for an hour. Open the trunk. Who's happy to see you?

I may be Jesus. Because today, I realized he and I have something crazy in common...

See I have a tattoo on my back of a Cross. I will be walking around until I did with a Cross on my back. "Okay, A lot of people have Cross tattoos on their back, why do you think you are Jesus?"
Well, the tattoo artist who caused all the pain and put the Cross on my back was Jewish...Crazy right. My name is Jeff, so I always say, "What Would Jefus do?"

Has anyone here heard of the Mexican train conductor who went crazy and ran over a bunch of people?

He had locomotives!

Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if friday the 13th was on Halloween!

I tricked too many people with that...

Crazy people with dem crazy bags.

People say I'm crazy because I don't enjoy spooning girls

I much prefer knifing them.

Where do people send crazy cigarettes?

To the menthol institution

People thought I was crazy when I said I was going to cure blindness.

But they'll see. They'll all see!

What road do crazy people take?

The Pyscho**path**

Friend took me along to see some pole dancing the other day

Those people are crazy. I could never learn the mazurka or the krakowiak.

How do crazy people make it through a forest?

They take the psycho-path.

Someone once told me "What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right, think about how crazy people thought Noah was."

So I set aside my reservations and had s**... with my daughters

What path do crazy people take in the park?

the psychopath.

why are gay people crazy?

they can't think straight

Did you hear about the Spanish train driver who went crazy and killed a bunch of people?

They say he had a locomotive.

You can't call people crazy

Because we all came from nuts

You know how they say that people can drive you crazy?

My wife is my chauffeur.

I went to Canada the other day, it was great to hear how conscientious they are about taking care of others, especially crazy people.

Everyone keeps saying that they have to save every loonie

I don't know who this Tas is but people are crazy over him..

I mean, they built the whole state of Tasmania.

Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...

One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"

This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.

One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.

My friend constantly over-reacts to people's little quirks

And that drives me bat-s**... crazy!

Some people say I'm crazy for watering down life

I say I'm just dilutional

My grandfather was an old nautical engineer who tried to warn everyone on the Titanic that they were doomed

First he yelled at the passengers while they boarded...he was ignored
Then he yelled at the Captain and the First Mate...he was ignored
Then as he continued to yell his warnings; people began to tell him to be quiet and that he was crazy
Eventually, after all his yelling; Security came and escorted him out of the movie theater

Dog Chasing People On A Bike

My dog used to chase people on a bike like crazy. It was so bad, I had to take his bike away.

A

If this 'A' gets to the front page, I'll delete this text and it'll make people go crazy wondering how an A got to the front page.
Post mysterious comments like So true! And don't talk about how it's an inside joke.

Everyone I see looks like an almond!

Most people think I'm crazy...
But I think they're nuts!

I think taking the train is for crazy people.

Its a loco motion.

People say I'm crazy for asking my watch the answers to the mysteries of the universe

I believe I'll be vindicated some day. Only time will tell.

Its crazy how some people die after having a s**..., but others just lose a b**... function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I hate when people have missing toes!

You might even say I'm...lack toes intolerant.
(Is this a dad joke? The gf is pretty baby crazy lately and i dont know if im ready yet)

It's crazy to think that people would break into houses by swiping their credit card.

Nowadays, you have to use the chip to break in.

I think I'm a little crazy, but I also think I must be devilishly handsome

Because everywhere I go people ask to see my nuts.

People who don't believe in the moon landing are crazy!

Like c'mon, who still thinks the moon is real?

I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 19. People make bad comments about it all the time and this is crazy

Btw we are celebrating our 10th anniversary next week

I always hang out with my imaginary friend.

People used to think I'm crazy talking to myself in public.
But everything is fine now; I wear airpods.

Why do crazy people perform terrible h**...?

They can't get a grip.

Bert Tom Chris Joke

(Bert Kreischer) In L.A. people get offended for other people - (Tom Segura) So, I like to say offensive things because it makes me feel warm inside to invoke that reaction - (Chris D’elia) Matter of fact, I have to do crazy things to feel like a normal human...?

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

What do crazy people do when they get lost in the woods?

They take the psychopath!

People are crazy in Michigan; protesting Covid-19 despite being one of the hardest hit states?

There must be something in the water.

Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:

A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....

People who mix up literally with figuratively make me crazy!

Well that's what the talking rabbit in my bedroom tells me.

Two people are looking at a new car...

Two people are looking at a car. The first person looks at the trunk and says, "Cargo space?"
The second person looks at the other as if he's crazy. "Car no do that. Car no fly."

A biker got into a terrible accident

He had been hit by a car and soon people rushed over to his side. It was crazy that the whole time he told everyone to look on the bright side, even though he was bleeding everywhere.
It wasn't too long before people kept asking him for his blood type so that the medics would know, but the only thing he would say was be positive!
— I heard this from a friends and don't know where it originated

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking wehn one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says ‟Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100.
The one says to the other, ‟should we do it?? The other says ‟NO!! Are you crazy? The first guy replies ‟Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I am gonna do it. So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says ‟well, did you get the money? He replies ‟Oh that's all you people think about, is not it??

I told my Dad that crazy people have taken over the White House

He said, "So nothing new then"

People who vaccinate their kids are crazy!

h**... no, I didn't vaccinate my son! Are you out of your mind!? I had a doctor do it!

I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf h**....

She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf h**...."

People said I was crazy for getting mixed vaccines

But I like to think of myself as a Modern-izer

An o**... walks up to another o**... and says...

"Hey, did you order an instrument from some crazy people?"
"No I didn't," says the o**....
The first one replies: "Well there's two nuts outside trying to move an o**... in!"

People call me crazy for saying that Canada is ruled by the son of Fidel Castro

...but it's Trudeau.