Crazy Jokes
151 crazy jokes and hilarious crazy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crazy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tired of hearing the same old jokes? Get ready to hear something totally different with these crazy jokes! These joke are sure to make you laugh and may even have you scratching your head trying to figure out if it was meant to be funny or crazy! With a mix of madman, mad, and even some sane jokes, you're sure to find something that's unique and funny.
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Funniest Crazy Short Jokes
Short crazy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crazy humour may include short insane jokes also.
- What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
- Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
- My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000 She must think I'm crazy!!
- It's crazy how sexist the postal service is. I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.
- I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects... But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
- What's the difference between a cult and a religion? In a cult, there's always at least one person at the top who's completely crazy, or who knows it's all a scam...
In a religion, that guy's dead! - is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . . . . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
- Grandma yells across the room: "Billy, what's the name of that german guy who drives me crazy?" "It's Alzheimer, grandma".
- Did you hear about the party thief? I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.
- Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
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Crazy One Liners
Which crazy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crazy? I can suggest the ones about strange and bizarre.
- What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
- How does a crazy person walk through the forest? He takes the psychopath.
- A crazy ex is like a box of chocolates If you're not careful, they'll kill your dog.
- Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
- Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them
- Hey I just met you, And this is crazy,
I have Alzheimer's,
Hey I just met you. - Man I really hate calculus. It just derives me crazy
- How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the pyschopath
- Two ways of driving someone crazy; One is stopping in mid-sentence and
- I went on a pretty crazy camping trip last weekend. It was in tents.
- When do trains do crazy things? When they have loco motives.
- If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy. Endif
- Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
- Where does Crazy Horse live? In an unstable.
- Did you hear about the crazy shop lifter? He was found dead under a shop.
Crazy People Jokes
Here is a list of funny crazy people jokes and even better crazy people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts! That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
- Easter this year is April Fools Day Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
- People sometimes ask me if I'm crazy... But the voices in my head always tell me to say no.
- People say I'm crazy, but I regularly see my therapist... It's a shame that she died years ago.
- Studies have shown that half of the people in this country are slowly going crazy. The rest of us are doing it quicker.
- I told my Dad that crazy people have taken over the White House He said, "So nothing new then"
- I always hang out with my imaginary friend. People used to think I'm crazy talking to myself in public.
But everything is fine now; I wear airpods. - I'm tired of people ripping on calculus all the time. It derives me crazy.
- People call me crazy for saying that Canada is ruled by the son of Fidel Castro ...but it's Trudeau.
- Everyone I see looks like an almond! Most people think I'm crazy...
But I think they're nuts!
Crazy Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny crazy wife jokes and even better crazy wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When my girlfriend says, "Unlock your phone. I need to check something." I just look at her crazy. I don't even let my wife do that.
- divorce Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ?? - I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. "Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy" she replied.
So I bought her a pet mosquito. - My wife is on a tropical food diet and the house if full of the stuff... It's enough to make a mango crazy.
- I don't mind that my wife thinks I'm crazy. I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.
- If you think your wife is crazy now... Wait until you divorce her.
- My wife thinks I'm crazy... But, I'm not the one who married me.
- My wife is really self-conscious about how thick her eyebrows are I told her she's crazy; most women would kill for *half* her eyebrows
- I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.
- My wife wasn't amused... Her: Be careful traffic is crazy.
Me: If I can handle you, traffic should be a cinch!
Crazy Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny crazy girl jokes and even better crazy girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do so many guys have crazy girlfriend stories but no girls have crazy boyfriend stories? Because all girls with crazy boyfriend stories are dead.
- Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave? Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I'm a barber. - How does an Alabama girl know she's in for a crazy night? Her daddy says he wants her in bed by ten.
- Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear. Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.
- Crazy girls are like a street vendor's kebab Hot, jucy, and dangerous.
- Read an article where a girl plans on marrying a tree. That's so crazy but what if he leaves you.
- Hey girl are you africa? Because Djibouti is making me crazy
- A crazy girl just called me a stalker and then blocked me I don't know what her deal is but I'm about to ring her doorbell and find out
- In highschool I used to be girl crazy... And by girl crazy I don't mean I was obsessed with girls...I mean I was irrational and never used logic.
- I once went out with a girl that was obsessed with apples I didn't realize how crazy she really was until she put me in cider
Crazy Love Jokes
Here is a list of funny crazy love jokes and even better crazy love puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
- The song Jungle Love is stuck in my head. It's driving me mad.
It's making me crazy. - What do you call a crazy marsupial that loves fights to the death? Mortal Wombat
- I love my sisters kids, especially Denice. I'm also crazy about Denephew
- What do you call a crazy person who loves money? A doughnut
- Does anyone else love going into psychosis? idk theres just something about it that drives me crazy
- My girlfriends 2 year old nephew loves trucks. His first word was truck. He points at every truck he sees and talks about trucks in his sleep. I guess you could day he's semi crazy
- What do crazy cat ladies and car enthusiasts have in common? They love to listen to their babies purr.
- All I'm saying is there's a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them...
Comical & Quirky Crazy Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about crazy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weird jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crazy pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The right price
A man approaches a woman in a bar:
-- Miss, if I offer you a million dollars, would you agree to have s**... with me?
-- Yes, of course.
-- But what if I give you only $50?
-- Are you crazy? What kind of woman do you think I am?
-- That's what we established earlier, now I'm just trying to negotiate the price.
My grandpa's favorite joke
A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
Guy bumps into a friend ...
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Water p**...
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water p**.... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''
Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That half man, half horse...
Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was k**... over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
May I have a piece of gum?
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy calls up his wife's doctor...
and asks "Is there any way you can tighten things up down there, cuz she's getting a little loose?"
The doctor says "Have you ever thought of using the other hole?"
The guy says "Are you crazy? I could get her pregnant!"
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate
They'll kill your dog
they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him?
grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the crazy mexican c**... a train?
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
What is worse than blacking out after a crazy night and losing money?
Blacking out and gaining money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for s**...
"Sure, why not" replies the girl.
"And what about $10?" the boy asks.
"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"
"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."
Two kids camping in the backyard
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.
"What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise" says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbour yells "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...
He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Crazy man has s**... with machine at laundromat and evades police
Nut screws washer and bolts
Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it.
He said "Ohio is a spectacular place."
A man is sued and goes to court...
A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:
"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"
"By all means sir"
"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"
"Of course not, that's crazy"
"Thank you your honor"
The man then turns to the woman and says:
"Have a good day madam"
And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom
(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)
Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist.
And he says I'm fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."
"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."
" I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.
he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing c**... and coming back home to have unprotected s**... with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
There were two friends drinking and one says to the other
I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's something crazy I really want to try in bed..
Getting 8 hours of sleep
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Political opinions are like d**.......
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy".
I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say that coconut water is good for hair.
Now, I understand why my p**... are growing like crazy recently.
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I told him I wanted another opinion..
He said fine, you're ugly too
-Rodney Dangerfield
-
A
If this 'A' gets to the front page, I'll delete this text and it'll make people go crazy wondering how an A got to the front page.
Post mysterious comments like So true! And don't talk about how it's an inside joke.
Mom#1- That's it. I'm done. I'm selling the kid on eBay
Mom#2- Don't be crazy. You made him. That does on Etsy
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having s**... with a laundry machine.
Nut screws washer and bolts.
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
I saw a guy at the flower store. He was trying to pick the perfect bouquet for his wife. He said It's crazy how much money you gotta spend on something that's just going to die.
I said I know... And you gotta buy them flowers...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.
4G must've fried their brains.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??
**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a b**...!
A Gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy.
I just love mischief!
And what, may I ask, creature are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says,
"I guess I'm a gnome."
After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before blacking out is paramedics approaching me with a stretcher.
I guess I got carried away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Six t**... women
Sounds crazy dozen t**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods?
They followed the psycho path.
What's the difference between a banana and bananas?
One is just a banana and the other is crazy.
As told to me by my 10 year son.
How do you drive President Trump crazy?
Tell him you placed evidence of voter fraud in the corner of his office.
A doctor has an appointment
A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.
He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"
"1484"
Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"
"Wednesday"
Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"
The third one immediately answers "12".
The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"
"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".
The #1 cause for accidents in Georgia is deer.
Which is crazy to me since they can't drive.
Dated a gold digger once.
I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.
And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .
So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People who vaccinate their kids are crazy!
h**... no, I didn't vaccinate my son! Are you out of your mind!? I had a doctor do it!
Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.
Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf h**....
She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf h**...."
I tried to collect some wool and milk from my farm and the animals went crazy.
It was shear and udder panic.
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy so I told him I want a second opinion.
He said, Okay, you're ugly too.
-Rodney Dangerfield
Why the next James Bond should be a woman
The next Bond should be a woman!
Can you imagine? Crazy car scenes with spectacular crashes, explosions...
... And all of that while she's parking.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The entire neighborhood got together to discuss what to do about that crazy guy on our street ...
... I'm a bit annoyed that I was the only one not invited.
Offering corpses for free isnt just a sign that someone might be crazy
It's a dead giveaway
