The Best 78 Crazy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Crazy jokes. There are some crazy wacky jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crazy nutcase puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Crazy Jokes and Puns

So there's this man with a parrot.

And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

A naked guy walks into a psychiatrist's office...

"You gotta help me, doc," he tells the psychiatrist, "I think I'm going crazy!"

The psychiatrist looks him over and replies. "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

Husband comes home and says:

Husband comes home and says:
- Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
Screaming she replies:
- What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
- I know.
- So why did you invited him?
- Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.

Crazy joke, Husband comes home and says:

Hey grandson, what's the name of that german man who makes me go crazy?

Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer...

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce...

and that's just the tip of the iceberg.


Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''

Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''

That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was kicking over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.

Crazy joke, That half man, half horse...

May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have sex. Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have sex right then and there.

The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

How does a crazy person walk through the forest?

He takes the psychopath.

Need a Break!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office....

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"

He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

Some people say I am crazy

Lucky for me, only I can hear them

You can explore crazy sane reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crazy lunatic dad jokes. There are also crazy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I tickled my little brothers foot this morning. And my mom went crazy about it.

Something about "Waiting until he's born".

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate

They'll kill your dog

Auto-correct is so crazy now a days...

My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'

they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him?

grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow

What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

Crazy joke, What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

Why did the crazy mexican crash a train?

He had loco motives...

I'll show myself out


What is worse than blacking out after a crazy night and losing money?

Blacking out and gaining money.

A boy offers a girl $100 in exchange for sex

"Sure, why not" replies the girl.

"And what about $10?" the boy asks.

"Are you crazy? What do you think I am?"

"I already know what you are, now we're just discussing the price."

Two kids camping in the backyard

Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.

"What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other.

"Just make a ton of noise" says the other.

The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbour yells "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"

A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...

He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.

The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"

The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."

"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."

The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"

Did you hear about the party thief?

I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Two factory workers are talking.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently.

I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.

Crazy man has sex with machine at laundromat and evades police

Nut screws washer and bolts

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

A man is sued and goes to court...

A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:

"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"

"By all means sir"

"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"

"Of course not, that's crazy"

"Thank you your honor"

The man then turns to the woman and says:

"Have a good day madam"

And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom

(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)

Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall.

We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained.

Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist.

And he says I'm fine.

Man I really hate calculus.

It just derives me crazy

A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants.

Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy.

Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts.

Hey I just met you,

And this is crazy,
I have Alzheimer's,
Hey I just met you.

- Doctor, I want to live very old

- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.

The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

There were two friends drinking and one says to the other

I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"

There's something crazy I really want to try in bed..

Getting 8 hours of sleep

I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius.

My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.

What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll.

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy".

I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"

They say that coconut water is good for hair.

Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.

Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...

One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.

The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".

The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"

When my girlfriend says, "Unlock your phone. I need to check something." I just look at her crazy.

I don't even let my wife do that.

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!

3 friends are sharing one bed in a motel room

As they're waking up in the morning, the friend on the left says, "Man, I had the best dream last night that I was getting a hand job!" The friend on the right says, "That's crazy! I had the exact same dream!" Then the friend in the middle says, "Really?! I had a dream I was skiing".

I tickled my little brother's foot

I tickled my little brother's foot yesterday and my mom went crazy and said,

"Wait until he is born"

I bought shoes from a drug dealer today...

I dont know what he laced them with but i have been tripping like crazy

My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for Β£6000

She must think I'm crazy!!

Mom#1- That's it. I'm done. I'm selling the kid on eBay

Mom#2- Don't be crazy. You made him. That does on Etsy

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.

A homeless vagabond approaches a woman, who is about to commit suicide from by throwing her self from the rooftop.

Vagabond says
- excuse me, lady. I know you are very depressed. But you know... eh... I've never been with a woman, can you sleep with me, your going to kill your self anyway...
Woman replies
-what, are you crazy!
To what he answers
-fine, I'll wait downstairs!

Guy A calls guy B

Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l

The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof

The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"

The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home

Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"

Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"

A chemist froze himself at-273C

Everyone said he was crazy. But he was 0K

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

My roommate thinks i'm crazy

Jokes on him i don't have a roommate.

I had this crazy dream where I was virtually weightless

I was like 0mg

I tickled my little sister's foot this morning and my mum went crazy about it...

..something about waiting until she was born

Grandma yells across the room: "Billy, what's the name of that german guy who drives me crazy?"

"It's Alzheimer, grandma".

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C. Everyone said he was crazy..

..But he was 0K

What's the difference between a banana and bananas?

One is just a banana and the other is crazy.

As told to me by my 10 year son.

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?

I used to think you were crazy, but now I see your nuts.

How do you drive President Trump crazy?

Tell him you placed evidence of voter fraud in the corner of his office.

A doctor has an appointment

A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.

He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"

"1484"

Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"

"Wednesday"

Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"

The third one immediately answers "12".

The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"

"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".

Two cows are standing in a field

The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .

The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter

Dated a gold digger once.

I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.

And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .

So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.

What do you call it when your female sibling goes crazy?

Psycho-sis

I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler."

There are children being born who's parents weren't alive when Shrek was released in 2001

It's crazy how the years start coming and they simply don't stop coming

What happened when the Bank teller went crazy?

All I got was non cents.

Two lab rats are talking…

One says Are you going to get that vaccine? The other says Are you crazy? They haven't even finished the human trials yet!

A guy goes to the doctor

He says, You got to help me, Doc! I have the song, What's New,Pussycat stuck in my head. It just keeps going around and around. It's driving me CRAZY!

Doctor replies, Hmmm, that sound like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that serious??

Well, it's not unusual.

I tried to collect some wool and milk from my farm and the animals went crazy.

It was shear and udder panic.

Why can't Quentin Tarantino go on an airplane?

Because the pilot mentions "30,000 feet" and he goes absolutely crazy.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crazy looney jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working crazy yo mama so crazy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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