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Crawling Jokes

83 crawling jokes and hilarious crawling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crawling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article covers crawling jokes for families with a baby learning to walk. Learn about the leek and other funny mobility jokes that will have the whole family laughing. Plus, discover tips on how to use a massager to help your baby crawl better.

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Funniest Crawling Short Jokes

Short crawling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crawling humour may include short crawled jokes also.

  1. Last week, My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her Wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
  2. So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.. But guess who came crawling back!!?!
  3. The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
  4. My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
  5. My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.
  6. My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now
  7. I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe. I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
  8. Two drunks are crawling on the railroad. One says "I'm tired of climbing this ladder, when's our floor already?"
    "No worries, I see an elevator coming."
  9. When I was a kid I was terrified of earwigs because I thought they were bugs that crawled into your ears. So you can imagine my reaction when I heard about cockroaches.
  10. I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe... I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...

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Crawling One Liners

Which crawling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crawling? I can suggest the ones about crouching and crept.

  1. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
  2. A spider just crawled into my keyboard. It's okay, I have it under Ctrl.
  3. I knew she'd come crawling to me.. I mean, I DID steal her wheelchair
  4. A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.
  5. I knew you'd come crawling back the minute I stole your wheelchair
  6. So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.
  7. A spider crawled on my computer Don't worry, it's under ctrl
  8. So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night... NOTSONINJA
  9. What was FDR's favorite room in the White House? The Crawl Space
  10. How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand down.
  11. My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
  12. That's the last time I do a pub crawl with an amputee. He really couldn't hold his drink.
  13. Mu girlfriend cheated on me, So I took her wheelchair. Guess who came back crawling
  14. I took my girlfriends wheelchair away... Guess who came crawling back?
  15. I stole my girlfriends wheelchair. I knew she would be crawling back for me.

Crawling Baby Jokes

Here is a list of funny crawling baby jokes and even better crawling baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Our young son has been crying a lot at night, so my wife asked me to go out and get a baby monitor for him… But he seems even more freaked out now with the big lizard crawling all over him…
  • Sweet Baby Jokes (philanthropic concept reversal) What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
    The trampoline doesn't look awfully cute in a sailor's outfit.
  • How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Nail down the other hand.
  • How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle? Put a nail in it's other hand.
  • How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles? nail the other hand to the floor.
  • How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? Nail one of its hands to the floor
    ^i ^went ^too ^far
  • How did the baby pin the wrestler down? It crawled onto his back and refused to move.
  • What in this world is born with four legs, then two, then three? Humans. You crawl as a baby, walk as an adult, and walk with a cane as an elder.
Crawling joke, What in this world is born with four legs, then two, then three?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about crawling can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of crawling puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Witty Crawling Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about crawling you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean creep jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make crawling prank.

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."

A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary

That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom n**... and starts playing with her n**....
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to s**... them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?

To go to the grand opening.
Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?
To get to the royal ball.

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath;
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...."

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

A man sits at a bar...

...After the third beer he decides to go home. He tries to walk out, but as soon as he is off his chair he falls on the ground. He figures he's probably not drunk enough. He orders another one, tries to go, but again falls on the ground. After two more beers and tries he decides just to crawl home.
The next morning his wife says to him in the bed.
"You were in the bar last night."
"How did you know?"
"The bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair."

A man on fire

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

A dad puts his little girl to sleep...

And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right".
The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence.
The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it.
The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next!
Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep and the girl says, "Goodbye Daddy" and the dad freaked out when he left the room.
He stayed at the office until midnight jumping at every sound he heard. When he came to his house at 1am and crawls into the bed, his wife says
Wife :: Why were you at work so late?
Husband :: I had a terrible day..
Wife :: What happened?
Husband :: I don't want to talk about it.
Wife :: Well, you won't believe the day I had! My golf pro died right in front of me during golf lessons!
Edit : Formatting

A soldier is running from Military Police. He runs up to a nun, and asks, out of breath: "Please... may I hide under your tunic?"

..."I'll explain later."
The nun nods in agreement.
A moment later, two Military Police officers show up and ask:
"Sister, have you seen a soldier here?"
The nun shakes her head. MPs run off, and the soldier crawls out from under her tunic and says, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria. I want to return to my family..."
The nun nods and smiles.
The soldier, relieved, adds jokingly: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun smiles, and replies in a deep voice "Well lad, if you had looked a bit higher, you would've seen a great pair of b**...… guess we're both not going to Syria."

The Dying Man and the Cookies

An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your f**...!"

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.

He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and t**... into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.
He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."

My ex is still angry with me for breaking her wheelchair

I'm fine though, I know she'll come crawling back to me soon enough.

A man noticed another man throwing 50 dollar bills into a drain

What are you doing?!! He asked.
I accidentally dropped a dollar down there the man responded.
So why are you throwing even more money in?
There's no way I am going to crawl down there for just a dollar

The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...

So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.
He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
No, you can't have those! They're for the f**...!

A guy visits his favorite d**...

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.

My paraplegic girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheel chair...

Next thing I knew, she came crawling back to me

A beta tester walks into a bar

A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.

My favorite s**... position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

A zoo's only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!

A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door

Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the pub."

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti…

It says, d**..., that was one h**... of an o**...!

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

You know how many corpses it takes to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, it's not eight, because the crawl space is still dark.

Why do you see a blonde crawling in the supermarket?

Because she is looking for low prices.

Whenever I have an argument with my wife, she always comes to me crawling

And then she says: "Get out from under the couch, you coward!"

A software tester walks into a bar

Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.

My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

Three moles are crawling through their borrow on their way to breakfast, one right after the other.

The first mole says, I can already smell that sizzling bacon.
The second mole says, I'm pretty sure I can smell hot pancakes with fresh butter and syrup.
The last mole says, the only thing I can smell is molasses.

A joke my mom told me when i was younger

An irish man decides to go for a drink after work. He goes to a local pub and has way too many and when the end of the night comes hes completely plastered. He goes to stand up and immediately falls right on his face. He crawls all the way home and crawls into bed and falls asleep. In the morning his wife yells wake up! Were you drinking at the pub again? The man says no! She says your lying, i know you were there! He says how do you know that? She says you left your wheelchair there again!

A man gets up early Sunday morning

He goes downstairs, puts on his bike gear, takes his bike in the garage but when he opens the door he notices it is pouring. Bummed out, he puts his bike back, undresses, goes back upstairs and crawls back under the sheets, spoons his wife and whispers: "Awful weather outside" And his wife goes: "Ha ha ha and to think my husband is out there on his bike right now"

What do clown cars and catholic women have in common?

They like to show how many people can crawl out of them.

My disabled girlfriend broke up with me a week ago.

So I took away her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.

An old man was visiting his daughter and grandson

During the visit, the grandson crawled up into his lap and said "Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"
"Why sure!" the man said & offered several croaking ribbit sounds.
Delighted, the boy jumped down and ran over to a nearby closet, working hard to remove a suitcase from the back.
"Now why do you need that all of a sudden?" the grandfather asked.
And the boy replied "Because Mama says we can go to Disney World when you croak!"

Two astronauts went to the moon

When they crawled out of their spaceship, it was a sight to behold. In the distance, there was a teepee and a Native American sitting near a fire. They approached the native and one of them said, Hello! We're from planet Earth! The native, with a scared look, says, Oh god, not again.

Crawling joke, So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair..

jokes about crawling

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these crawling jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.