Crawl Jokes

Following is our collection of pavement puns and squirm one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Crawl jokes for adults, dirty crept jokes and clean sneak dad gags for kids.

The Best Crawl Puns

My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

A guy visits his favorite dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.

Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!

She says This sub really loves reposts.

A man sits at a bar...

...After the third beer he decides to go home. He tries to walk out, but as soon as he is off his chair he falls on the ground. He figures he's probably not drunk enough. He orders another one, tries to go, but again falls on the ground. After two more beers and tries he decides just to crawl home.

The next morning his wife says to him in the bed.

"You were in the bar last night."

"How did you know?"

"The bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair."

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.

The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.

"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."

The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."

The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...

So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.


What was FDR's favorite room in the White House?

The Crawl Space

A man noticed another man throwing 50 dollar bills into a drain

What are you doing?!! He asked.

I accidentally dropped a dollar down there the man responded.

So why are you throwing even more money in?

There's no way I am going to crawl down there for just a dollar

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking?

To go to the grand opening.

Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?

To get to the royal ball.

A man visits a hooker. As they are getting undressed, the man seems in awe of her lady bits. Watsamatta, hun? You ain't seen wonnadees since you crawled out of one?

No...it's just that I've never seen one I could crawl back into.

That's the last time I do a pub crawl with an amputee.

He really couldn't hold his drink.

I didn't expect a bug to crawl out of my Meth stash...

But it just came out of the blue.


What do I do if my boss insists on paying me under the table?

I'd rather him just hand me my check standing up. It's hard to crawl under there.

Some Roman soldiers are sitting in a bar, exchanging stories

One of the soldiers tell the others:
"I had the easiest shift the other night, just had to make sure this dead guy didn't crawl out of his tomb- slept through the whole thing."
As the soldier finishes, Jesus walks into the bar.
"April fool's"

Have you heard of the Arkansas shuffle?

That's where you have to sneak out of your sisters bed in the middle of the night and crawl back into mom's bed before she knows you where gone.

Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl?

They're always three bars behind.


*I came up with this during band practice. Feel free to replace with instrument of your choice.

God, I saw a man with leprosy today

It made my skin crawl

Why did Adele crawl under the cow?

...to say hello from the udder side.


I'll take my Oscar now.

Seeing Paul Rudd and Tom Holland together really bugs me

Its make my skin crawl

"Look who comes crawling back to apologize."

"I am so sorry, can I please have my wheelchair back now?"


How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle?

Nail one of its hands to the floor

^i ^went ^too ^far

I like my job but my boss keeps paying me under the table.

I'm not sure why he has me crawl under there to hand me my pay check.

Why did the blonde crawl over the glass wall?

Because she wanted to see whats on the other side.

I feel the same way about spiders and gays

I have no issue with you and think you're cool so long as you don't crawl onto me in my sleep

What in this world is born with four legs, then two, then three?

Humans. You crawl as a baby, walk as an adult, and walk with a cane as an elder.

Oprah goes to the doctor for a check up

After the usual tests, the doctor asks oprah who is naked to please crawl around the outside of the room, after which she gets dressed and asks the doctor what that test was for, he says, it wasn't a test, "I am getting a new leather couch this week and wanted to know where it would look the best"

There is an abundance of wreckage jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes and crawl puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any flippers witze you can hear about crawl.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes