crash Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious crash puns

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

👍🏼

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

👍🏼

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

👍🏼

My buddy asked me if he could crash on my couch tonight

I had to explain to him that i am married now, and that's where i sleep

👍🏼

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

👍🏼

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

It had a bad driver!

**bows **

I'll show myself out.

👍🏼

Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.

I had to explain to him i was married now and that's where i sleep.

👍🏼

Why can a 747 never crash?

When it hits the ground it goes 'boeing'

👍🏼

How often do airplanes crash?

Just once.

/**************************************/

👍🏼

What must you have if you want to crash a train?

A loco motive.

I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃

👍🏼

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

👍🏼

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

👍🏼

A priest and a rabbi are traveling in a airplane full of kids when the engine blows up...

...It is an emergency and the plane is going to crash. They both rush to don the only 2 emergency parachutes.

Rabbi: We are holy men. We deserve to live.

Priest: What about the kids?

Rabbi: Fuck the kids.

Priest: Do you think there is time?

👍🏼

Non-Racist Joke

An American man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man are on a plane.

The plane is going to crash unless they lose some excess weight.

The Mexican man throws beans off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too many beans."

Next, the Chinese man throws rice off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too much rice."

Next, the American man throws the Mexican man off the plane,

He says,

"That bastard slept with my wife."

👍🏼

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

👍🏼

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

👍🏼

As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

👍🏼

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car crash, or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

👍🏼

I was in a crash with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled.

My bike was fine, though.

👍🏼

I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights

He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

👍🏼

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

👍🏼

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

👍🏼

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash

The gay guy says "somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says "what the fuck did you just say fucker? Get over here I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says "it's okay everybody don't call he police! He wants to negotiate"

my step dad told me this one

👍🏼

I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again.

I'll have to retire it.

👍🏼

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to crash in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"

👍🏼

Why did the crazy mexican crash a train?

He had loco motives...

I'll show myself out

👍🏼

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

👍🏼

Two priests are on a plane

So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes.

One priest turns to the other and says, grab the chutes and we'll jump!

What about the children? Replies the other priest.

Fuck the children! Yells the older priest.

The younger one says, do you think we have time?

👍🏼

As an airplane is about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

👍🏼

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

👍🏼

Why did the soviet plane crash?

It was stalin

👍🏼

A plane is about to crash

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

👍🏼

I crashed into the back of a dwarf's car...

He got out, looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy". So I replied " Which one are you then?"

👍🏼

A red boat and a blue boat crash into each other in the ocean...

All the passengers were marooned.

👍🏼


"I got fired today", I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."


"That's a bit harsh" he replied.

"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control", I said.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Crash jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Crash? Well, here are the best Crash dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Crash pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes