Crappy Jokes

Following is our collection of newsfeed puns and pai one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Crappy jokes for adults, dirty dvd jokes and clean vid dad gags for kids.

The Best Crappy Puns

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.

Lawyer joke from my 8 year old

What do you call a crappy lawyer?

An a-turd-ney

A wife has a crappy day and decides to come home early from work

When she arrives home, she heads upstairs and finds 2 pairs of legs in her bed under the covers. Already in a bad mood, she grabs a baseball bat and has a few swings at her cheating husband and his mistress. Once she's done, she walks to her balcony and finds her husband. He lovingly greets her with "Hi honey, your parents dropped in for a visit, they were feeling a little tired so I let them sleep in our bed".

Can a crappy dinosaur joke get a laugh?

You bet Jurassican.

Crappy advice

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the clerk:

"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist said:

"You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"

The clerk responded, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!

Why does the hipster make crappy coffee?

The beans are always under-ground.

What do you get when two antenna get married?

A crappy wedding but great reception.

What crappy thing is guaranteed to occur in the middle of a Saturday?

A 'turd'

How do you fix a broken Jack o' Lantern?

With a Pumpkin Patch.

It's crappy, I know. Saw it on my local library's wall.

Why do jazz musicians prefer to drive crappy old cars?

Because they're always making a new sound.

Crappy biology bar joke

A few cells enter a bar. They sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves, drink moderately and don't pick up a fight with anyone. They leave the bar quietly.

Because they were cultured cells..

Indian Taxi Driver

My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up whilst singing along to his crappy Punjabi music at the top of his voice.

He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.

I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils.    

Black Joke

Why do black people have nice clothes, expensive jewelry, and drive fancy cars with rims but live in crappy houses/apartments?

-They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet.

I don't know about you guys but service has been pretty crappy lately

I mean, I waited 45 minutes and no one came to wash my hands. What is the employees must wash hands sign for?

My girlfriend's a crappy computer

... she always shuts down when I need her but never shuts up when I don't.

What do you call a crappy circumcision

A rip off!

I'm going to change my Facebook username to NOBODY.

So when people make crappy posts and I like them, it will say "NOBODY likes this."

crappy pun

me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: yes
me: I guess caps lock is awfully shifty

I asked my very religious mother for the new iPhone...

And she said she'd get me a smartphone, but I had a choice. If I start going to church, I would get the iPhone I wanted. If I didn't go to church, I would get a crappy low end android.

She said it was Yahweh or the Huawei.

My watch fell into the toilet.

I'm having a real crappy time now.

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I'm hoping that this is the year I get laid. My dad said he'd buy me an escort...

It's nice of him, but to be honest I don't see how a crappy old Ford is gonna help.

I was staying in a crappy motel. In the middle of the night a beautiful woman woke me up by pounding on the door and begging me to open it. I felt so bad...

... that I decided to let her out.

I drive a mail truck with the steering wheel on the right hand side. Sometimes I pretend I'm in England by

Eating really crappy food

I have a father in law

He's a really crappy lawyer though..

I was looking at my bank statement and realized I was a .1 percent-er

I don't know why anyone wants to be one, it's a crappy interest rate.

You know the smallest things can get you fired, one time I got fired because I ripped up a crappy drawing I did

Boy am I never gonna be a tattoo artist again

what do you call a crappy sock puppet?

sock pooppet

Saw the movie titled Constipation?

I bet you didn't because it isn't out yet.

/crappy joke , I know ;-)

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she is HIV positive?

Tell her this is a crappy repost, and ask her to come up with some better material.

Why do people prefer sitting on chairs to stools?

Stools are crappy.

My first time sex was like buying my first used crappy car

I didn't want it but dad gave it to me anyway

Life is Like a Buffet-

Sure, there are some good ones, but most are sad and crappy, and eventually, they kick you out.

What do you call a crappy live performance of a James Dean movie?

Rebel without applause.

When writing the word shift, make sure you don't forget the f.

Otherwise you'll have quite the crappy spelling.

I bought crappy music for 5 cents today, but the guy ripped me off.

As he ran off, I yelled "Hey, I want my nickel back!"

You know what sucks?

A vacuum!

You know what else sucks?

An overused, crappy joke.

Best (worst) Wine and Chocolate Jokes Thread

Can we do this? My parents have these crappy wine / chocolate jokes on knick knacks around their house...

*i joined the 12-step program for chocoholics -- now I'm never 12 steps away from chocolate*

Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Hate you!

*i love cooking with wine.. sometimes i even put it in the food!*

Please be dead.

Let's hear your best (worst) wine and Chocolate jokes!

What's the difference between a bird enthusiast and a crappy clock repairman?

One murders watches, and the other watches murders.

My cousin jumped off a hospital.

His summer was crappy. But he had a great fall.

After just 1 year I've had enough of my crappy job so today I put in my notice...

...Told them I would be retiring in 19 years and not a day later!

Made a crappy greentext based on a conversation

>be me
>tall and white
>life is good
>suddenly, while chillaxin, get grabbed by random naked girl
> Squeezes me with her hands
>white stuff goes in her palms
>she spreads it all over her head
>she shouts 'My eyes! It burns!'
>she grabs towel and wipes out eyes
>mfw I'm shampoo

Why does it always take people so long to tell a crappy joke?

They're gestating the obvious!

My wife always complains I buy crappy Christmas gifts. So I got her a Tourette's Alarm clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

Why do people make shitposts?

Because they are in a crappy mood.

What's something Comcast is giving you, besides crappy service?


Dont invest in those crappy bitcoins it will fail

Sent Via Internet Explorer

My kids are so addicted to Twitter they got me this crappy mug for fathers day

What kind of hashtag is "world's hashtag 1 dad"?

There is an abundance of dogshit jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and crappy puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sucks witze you can hear about crappy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes