Craig Jokes
49 craig jokes and hilarious craig puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about craig that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with comedian Craig Shoemaker as he delivers some of his best jokes on Craig Ferguson's show. From Cody's contamination to the Weinstein scandal, you won't want to miss these hilariously funny takes on current events.
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Funniest Craig Short Jokes
Short craig jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The craig humour may include short cruelty jokes also.
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - Why can't a lesbian diet and wear make up at the same time? Because..........It is hard to eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.
- LESBIAN DIET Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?
A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time. - Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on. He is reportedly shaken
- I bought an official Craig David fridge recently, and it's useless! It only chills on Sundays!
- Daniel Craig was explaining why his character had grey hair for the first time ever in the franchise. No Time To Dye
- There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film... ... it's because he's got 'No time to Dye'.
- My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time. Turns out, Craig is black.
- Baby metamorphosis I feel like nobody names their baby Craig. One day, around age 35, the baby just becomes Craig.
that is all - My lesbian friend told me she was having trouble losing weight. I guess it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.
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Craig One Liners
Which craig one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with craig? I can suggest the ones about ads and chill.
- Rumor has it there is a homosexual in our office. I hope it's Craig he's really cute.
- What is the name of Daniel Craig's last movie? Probably, "Bond Voyage."
- I used to be a hand model But then I couldn't get enough hand jobs
\- Craig Ferguson - My friend Craig gave me his watch... I tell people I got it off Craig's wrist.
- I've been on Jenny Craig more times than.... Mr. Craig
- Yo momma's so fat, she went to Jenny Craig and they said, "Sorry, we don't do miracles."
- Yo momma is so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door
- In Saudi Arabia, they don't have Jenny Craig... They have Saladin instead
- What would you call Daniel Craig if he had acted in Dr. No? Denial Craig
- I Dropped 40 Pounds on Jenny Craig "Oh my gosh is she ok?"
- Jenny Craig I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig.
I think I broke her leg! - If Daniel Craig acted in Dr. No. He'd be Denial Craig.
- Jenny Craig shares take a hit following Brexit Pounds are dropping fine without it
- Who's got the biggest list? Craig.
- Why didnt Craig buy Anne Franks shoes on Ebay for 2000$ ? They were Holo-costly
Daniel Craig Jokes
Here is a list of funny daniel craig jokes and even better daniel craig puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Chemistry homework is asking me to rank the bonds by relative strength. Could Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig beat Sean Connery in a fight?
- How is Daniel Craig a policeman? He is in Spectre (Inspector)
- What do you call it when Daniel Craig has k**... s**...? b**...!
Craig Ferguson Jokes
Here is a list of funny craig ferguson jokes and even better craig ferguson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News? They haven't shown a fox in months.
(Craig Ferguson) - I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening... ... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show.
- What do you call an extraterrestrial lesbian? Alien Degeneres
Credits to Craig Ferguson for coming up with this joke - The CDC just released guidelines on circumcision. Sounds more like tips. - Craig Ferguson
- How does Carrot Top have s**...? Gingerly.
*(Source: The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson)*
Silly & Ridiculous Craig Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about craig you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hawk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make craig pranks.
A joke I heard at mass
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
I saw an ad on Craigslist "Radio, $1, volume stuck on high."
I thought, "I can't turn that down...
Craigslist
A man placed an ad on his local craigslist: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.
She told to me to rank all the bonds.
So I did.
1) Connery
2) Craig
3) Brosnan
4) Dalton
5) Lazenby
She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?
Does Craigslist have friends for sale?
Asking for a friend
Daniel Craig asks a man if the man's wife will sleep with him for a million dollars.....
The man asks Daniel to give him a day to think about it. Next day, the man comes back and says his wife said yes, but she needs more time to raise the money.
Craigslist Personals and Backpage are gone.
Congressional c**...
A group of celebrities are at a party hosted by Michael J Fox
The night is a huge success and everyone is enjoying themselves. Michael's working the bar when he's approached by Daniel Craig
Daniel Craig: Martini. shaken not stirred
Michael J Fox: *Looks up* There's a difference?
Why couldn't the esthetician go on a diet?
Because it's too difficult to eat Jenny Craig when you already have Mary Kay on your face.
