Craig Jokes

Following is our collection of weinstein puns and turnup one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Craig jokes for adults, dirty drivin jokes and clean moffat dad gags for kids.

The Best Craig Puns

A joke I heard at mass

A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"

The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"

Rumor has it there is a homosexual in our office.

I hope it's Craig he's really cute.

I saw an ad on Craigslist "Radio, $1, volume stuck on high."

I thought, "I can't turn that down...

Craigslist

A man placed an ad on his local craigslist: "Wife wanted".

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Why can't a lesbian diet and wear make up at the same time?

Because..........It is hard to eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.


LESBIAN DIET

Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?
A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time.

I bought an official Craig David fridge recently, and it's useless!

It only chills on Sundays!

My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.

She told to me to rank all the bonds.

So I did.

1) Connery

2) Craig

3) Brosnan

4) Dalton

5) Lazenby

She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?

Does Craigslist have friends for sale?

Asking for a friend

There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film...

... it's because he's got 'No time to Dye'.

Daniel Craig asks a man if the man's wife will sleep with him for a million dollars.....

The man asks Daniel to give him a day to think about it. Next day, the man comes back and says his wife said yes, but she needs more time to raise the money.


Craigslist Personals and Backpage are gone.

Congressional Cockblock

I used to be a hand model

But then I couldn't get enough hand jobs

\- Craig Ferguson

A group of celebrities are at a party hosted by Michael J Fox

The night is a huge success and everyone is enjoying themselves. Michael's working the bar when he's approached by Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig: Martini. shaken not stirred

Michael J Fox: *Looks up* There's a difference?

What do you call it when Daniel Craig has kinky sex?

Bondage!

My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.

Turns out, Craig is black.

My lesbian friend told me she was having trouble losing weight.

I guess it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.

Baby metamorphosis

I feel like nobody names their baby Craig. One day, around age 35, the baby just becomes Craig.

that is all

People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months.

(Craig Ferguson)


I've been on Jenny Craig more times than....

Mr. Craig

Why couldn't the esthetician go on a diet?

Because it's too difficult to eat Jenny Craig when you already have Mary Kay on your face.

My Chemistry homework is asking me to rank the bonds by relative strength.

Could Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig beat Sean Connery in a fight?

I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening...

... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show.

What do you call an extraterrestrial lesbian?

Alien Degeneres




Credits to Craig Ferguson for coming up with this joke

Why do lesbians hate wearing makeup when they're on a diet?

Because they don't like having Mary Kay on their face while they're eating Jenny Craig.

In Saudi Arabia, they don't have Jenny Craig...

They have Saladin instead

What would you call Daniel Craig if he had acted in Dr. No?

Denial Craig

I Dropped 40 Pounds on Jenny Craig

"Oh my gosh is she ok?"

Jenny Craig

I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig.

I think I broke her leg!

I used to love going whale watching every Saturday...

At least that was until the security guard at Jenny Craig took my binoculars away.

Apparently 1 in 7 people in the world are Chinese.

That means it's either me, my mum, dad, brother Steve, brother Craig, sister hanna, or brother huangxi.

I suspect Craig.

Craig david

Craig David is apparently quitting music & has been in hard training for the past 5 years with the British Olympic archery squad... He's going to be their bow selector.

There is an abundance of facebook jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes and craig puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any steven witze you can hear about craig.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes