cracker Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cracker puns

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker?

A Baboom!

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Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?

The body of Christ is a cracker.

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Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.

But Polly wanted a cracker.

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Anyone who thinks Jesus wasn't a white man has never been to communion

The body of Christ is a cracker.

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The Cheesiest Joke I Know

What did the cracker say to the slice of cheddar?

"Say, you're looking mighty *sharp* today!"

To which the cheddar replied,

"Fuck you, white boy."

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How I picked my career.

I was driving down the street, when I was cut off by someone. I honked frantically, applied the brakes masterfully and dodged a sure accident. At the next set of lights, I pulled up beside the perpetrators and it was a car with 4 black men in it. I gave them the finger, and they became hostile towards me. They called me a "fucking cracker" and "a stupid white boy" I told them to "learn how to drive" and " pay some fucking attention". They scoffed at me, and began to drive ahead, only to be Tboned by an on coming fire truck. Amongst our argument, the driver must not have heard the siren. I reflected on my behaviour and thought "shit, that coulda been me". So the next day I went out and became a fire fighter.

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Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'

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Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

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What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

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Christmas cracker joke

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

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My redneck cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.

Cracker wants a poly.

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Talking Parrot

A guy walks into a pet store and sees a "talking parrot for sale".

He asks the store owner "what does it say"?

The store owner replies "pull it's leg and it talks...give it a shot"

So the man pulls the parrots left leg and the parrot squawks "polly want a cracker".

"Wow", says the man and pulls the right leg. The parrot says "who's a pretty birdy"

"You are a pretty birdy. That's neat! So, what happens if I pull both legs", asks the man.

"Squawk...I'll fall on my ass mother fucker"!

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I always wanted to lay naked on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace...

Evidently Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.

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Heavenly Christmas

After an accident, three dead souls find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven.

On entering they must present something related to Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

The man responded, "They're Carol's."

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I call the sunshine cracker company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

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My redneck cousin is looking for a girl into multiple partners. I told him that was ridiculously clichΓ©...

I mean really. Cracker wants a poly?

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What is the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

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What do you call it when a graham cracker, a marshmallow, and a piece of chocolate have sex?

A smorgy.

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What's the difference between a wheat thin and a lesbian?

One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

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What do you call an angry, white supremacist?

A saltine cracker.

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What do you call a white grandma?

a Gram Cracker

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Overheard my boss say this to our secretary..

What's the difference between a Triscuit and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker.

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What's the difference between a trisquit and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker, ones a crack snacker.

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If the KKK was meeting for lunch where would they go?

Cracker Barrel.

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Jesus must be white.

'cause he tastes like a cracker.

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What did the redneck parrot say?

Cracker wants a Polly.

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Christmas in Heaven

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something that represented "Christmas".
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
The third man answered "They're Carol's."

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What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS!

...Polly want a cracker.

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I pushed a cracker through the bars of the cage and said, "Who's a pretty boy?"

"I want my mommy," he sobbed.

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Why didn't the parrot want the black guy to buy him?

Polly want a Cracker.

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What do you call a team-up between a maniac, a random white guy, and the head of the Vatican?

Snapped, Cracker and Pope

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A boy asks his father, "Dad, why do you hate Cheez-Its?"

The father, clearly puzzled, asks him, "What do you mean?"

"Well," the boy says, "you're always saying that a goddamned orange cracker is ruining the country."

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What do call a KKK member that steals your car right in front of you?

Cracker Jack.

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I don't understand why everyone is surprised that the religious right is okay with racism

Every church I've ever gone to has told me Jesus is a white cracker.

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What does a Cracker say when his pockets are filled with cheddar?

IM RITZ, BITS!

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What are the most funny Cracker jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cracker? Well, here are the best Cracker dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cracker pick up lines to share with friends.

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