Crabs Jokes
125 crabs jokes and hilarious crabs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crabs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Crabs Short Jokes
Short crabs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crabs humour may include short crabby jokes also.
- Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
- My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically. He was mauled by a giant crab.
- My uncle's zodiac sign was Cancer, which was ironic, because he died from being crushed by a giant crab.
- A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.
- A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..." "That she was killed by a giant crab."
- Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit? Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
- My wife said "Please don't post that crab joke again, it's not that funny." I said, "It might not be the best joke on there......but it'll do in a pinch."
- My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really. She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack.
- My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died... she was attacked by a giant crab
- My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died. Mauled to death by a giant crab.
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Crabs One Liners
Which crabs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crabs? I can suggest the ones about lobster and crustacean.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- Why the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.
- My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died... She got eaten by a giant crab
- My dad's sign was cancer. Its so ironic how he died. He was attacked by a giant crab.
- What's it called when a crab is walking to it's part time job? A side hustle.
- Why did the crab cross the road? Actually, it never did. It used the sidewalk.
- What do you call a crab that like to paint? Leonardo Da Pinci
- What do you call a crab that walks in a straight line? Drunk
- What do you call an oriental crab? A Crust-Asian
- My grandmother was a cancer, ironic how she died. She was killed by a giant crab.
- Why did the crab never share? Because he was shellfish!
- Why did the crab hate to share? He was a little shellfish.
- What do you call a greedy crab? Shell fish......
- I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight It's low crab.
- I haven't found cancer jokes funny since.. my grandfather got killed by a giant crab.
Hermit Crabs Jokes
Here is a list of funny hermit crabs jokes and even better hermit crabs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did the hermit crab show off his new apartment? He took a shelfie.
- What's the worse quality of a hermit crab? They're too shell-fish!
- Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell? Because he was claw-strophobic!
- Why did the depressed hermit crab return to its old home? It was a shell of its former self.
- Why was the crab bad at baseball? Because hermits are too small.
- What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab. - I had a one night stand with a recluse on tinder She gave me hermit c**...
- What do you call an STD for homeless people? Hermit c**...
- I bought two hermit c**... I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit c**...???
- What kind of STD does a loner get? Hermit c**...!
Howlingly Hilarious Crabs Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about crabs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shellfish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crabs pranks.
Why do tampons have strings?
Because c**... like to bungee jump too.
Told this to my friend's dad.His answer:So you can floss when you're done eating.
YO momma so n**......
She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
received c**...
from shellfish lover
So an old Nun goes to the gynecologist...
...for her normal check up. The doctor checks her out, and tells her the bad news. "Sister, I hate to tell you this, but you've got c**...." With a look of panic on her face, she says "That's impossible, I've never been with anyone! Can you look again?" Reluctantly, the doctor agrees to have another look. After a second check, the doctor looks up and says, "Sorry sister, they're not c**.... They're fruit flies, your cherry's gone bad!"
Why do tampons have strings?
So c**... can go bungee jumping
o**...=c**...
What do o**... Bin Laden and c**... have in common?
They both irritate Bush.
My ex...
My ex was like a rock pool. Shallow, but interesting. And upon closer inspection I found c**....
How about you put sand...
...between those legs to make the c**... feel at home?
confucius say when you take old h**... to all you can eat seafood
you walk away with a big bag of c**...
Confusious say, when one man fishes in another man's well...
...he is likely to catch c**....
A man goes to a p**...
and later he finds out he has c**.... When he goes back to complain, the p**... says "It was only five dollars, what did you expect, lobster?"
My younger brother told me this. Why don't c**... give to charity?
Because they are shellfish
So a man gets back from a holiday.
and he's showing his family a photo album. He gets to one picture and says, look this is a little monkey called a macaque, and it's diet consists mostly of c**.... His family is somewhat impressed and enjoy the cute picture.
The man then says "Well if you liked that, you'll love these!" turns the page and the family let out cries of disgust and horror. surprised, the man says "What? it's just another picture of a crab eating macaque."
Your mama is so dirty
Her c**... have dirt bike races.
How do c**... travel cheaply?
p**... transportation
My girlfriend got c**......
so i bought her a fishnet stocking
-Mitch Hedberg
A man hires a $10 h**... and gets c**......
He goes back with the h**... and complaints , she says "what were you expecting for 10 bucks? Lobster?"
You know, I always thought that show Deadliest Catch was about h**......
But here it turns out to be about c**...
How do you test a pirate for c**...?
Swab the deck!
A John gets c**... from a 10$ h**......
he goes back to complain, and the h**... tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"
Why do tampons have strings attached?
So you can floss after you eat.
Alt ending: So the c**... can bungee jump.
How do c**... get out of hospitals?
On crotches.
c**... are amazing collectivistic creatures;
they only use p**... transportation.
Why doesn't Elin Nordegren ever shop at the fish market?
Because Tiger is always bringing home c**...!
A man goes to a $3 h**...
He contracted c**....
When he goes back to complain, the h**... laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"
A man goes to a $10 h**... and gets c**...
He calls her out on it, and she replies, "I was only $10. What did you expect, lobster?"
Why was the ocean so cranky?
You'd be cranky too if you had c**... on your bottom.
I like my women like I like my seafood
Full of c**...
Something is fishy
do c**... think fish are flying?
I thought I had a case of c**....
Turns out there were only 23.
Mamma, why my brother was named Barc?
-Because Barc in reverse is crab. And your mommy loves c**....
-Ah, I see. Thanks for explaining, mom.
-No problem, Lana.
Why don't c**... give charitable donations?
Because they're shellfish.
What's worse than a lobster on your piano?
**c**... on your o**....**
I thought I had a case of c**...
But I counted and I only have 23.
Why was everyone confused when a crab walked straight into the bar?
Because c**... only walk sideways.
Sometimes i rub sand into my p**...
Just so I can make my c**... feel at home.
Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ h**.... "I have c**..."
It was 5$ did you expect lobster?
My girlfriend got a tattoo of a conch shell on her inner thigh...
Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the ocean.
If I lie there long enough, I get c**... on my forehead.
A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets c**....
So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says 'Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?
What do you call someone who has ADHD and c**....
Fidget p**....
What's the difference between a $62 and a $285,000 h**...?
You'll get c**... from the cheap one, and lobsters from the other.
Why does the ocean roar?
If you had c**... all over your bottom, you'd roar too.
A patient of mine told me this joke today... gotta love working in hospice ☺️
Don't throw your toothpicks in the urinals...
The c**... have learned to pole vault.
What's the most effective way to get rid of c**...?
Shave half your p**..., light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.
Why dont c**... donate to charity?
Because they are shell fish.
I hate c**...
They're literally Cancer.
My girlfriend screamed when I told her I had c**...
I mean, they make interesting pets. She should be much more worried about my h**... testing results.
Yo momma's so n**...
That when you asked her what's for dinner, she opened her legs and said c**....
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had c**... on your bottom.
Scientists found out that c**... hear through their legs.
A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.
Evolution tells us we've evolved from apes.
I'm pretty sure we've evolved from c**.... You know why? Have you ever held a pair of tongs and NOT clicked them together? I rest my case.
Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of c**...?
Oh, right.
Jersey Shore...I miss that show.
How do c**... get around on land?
They use the sidewalk.
A wife went to the beach and didn't return. A husband called the police.
The police came in a week.
- We have 3 news for you: good, bad and great.
- Let's start with the bad one.
- Your wife drowned - we pulled her out of the water.
- And what is the good news?
- We have picked up a bucket of large c**... from her body.
- And what is the great news?
- We'll pull it out again tomorrow. Let's go for a beer!
Yo mama so n**...,
She had to cut the string off her t**... so the c**... stop hanging themselves.
Why does the sea make such a loud noise?
You would too if you had c**... on your bottom.
What kind of pictures does Shaun Connery take?
Shelfies
alt. What kind of pictures do fish take?
Shellfies
alt. What do hermit c**... call their utility bills?
Shell Fees
alt. Why did my wife leave me?
h**...
The ocean floor is just like the red light district
It's dark, sketchy, and everyone has experience with c**...
(OC) What is the difference between a Vegas Buffet, and a cheap h**...?
The buffet is the only place a casino recommends the all you can eat c**...
What do you call a film director that has c**...?
Alfred Itchcock
So a guy orders a five dollar p**... and contracts c**... from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain
The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?
A man goes and gets a lady of the night for 5 dollars. He got c**....
The next day he went to complain.
She said, what did you expect? Lobster?
Why don't c**... donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
A sailor and his friend are talking on his recent success.
The friend asks, how did you get so many c**...?
The sailor responds: mermaids
How do you get rid of c**...?
You go to the movie theatre and feed them popcorn, when they get up to go get a sip of water you move seats.
Why do c**... never give to charity?
Because they're shellfish
How do c**... run in Alabama?
They run in family.
How did c**... get around Atlantis?
p**... transportation
A guy goes back to his p**... and demands that she gives him his money back. Cause she gave him c**....
The p**... said to the man what do you expect for $10.00 Lobster.
If the salmon come in on the salmon boat and the lobsters come in on the lobster boat, what boat do the c**... come in on?
The captain's dinghy
$5 h**...
A man goes to see a 5 dollar h**..., he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got c**... from the h**.... He decides to go back to the h**... and complain.
Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get c**...!!!
h**...: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?
A man visits a p**... who charges 20$ and ends up with c**... so he goes back and complains.
She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"
Why do c**... have pinchers?
Just for the halibut
I had an o**... with the Disney princesses
and one of them gave me c**...
How does one catch c**...?
In anette
Did you know you can get c**... from a toilet seat?
It's true, but the other way is more fun.
So a guy buys a $5 h**........
They have s**... and the next day the guys realizes he has c**.... The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund
The h**... goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"
A man asks the waiter : "Do you serve c**... here?"
"Take a seat. We serve everybody."
There is only one reason c**... don't donate and its
They are shellfish
The beach thought he had c**....
He went to the s**... health clinic to be shore.
Why do tampons have strings?
Because c**... like to bungee jump
