Cpr Jokes
39 cpr jokes and hilarious cpr puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cpr that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious jokes about CPR! From flirty CPR to certified EMTs, learn to laugh with these tongue-in-cheek jokes that will have everyone in stitches. Plus, find out why wept breaststroke is the funniest of them all!
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Funniest Cpr Short Jokes
Short cpr jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cpr humour may include short save jokes also.
- How is marriage and CPR training the same? You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again
- My dad always believed in learning things by doing them so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake
just so he could teach himself CPR - Taking that CPR class before Highschool... Led me to believe that choking and strokes would have occurred more often that I thought.
- North Korean doctors when giving their leader a CPR be like : Kim Jong Un.. *Dos.. Tres...*
- Facebook is promising to protect users from data misuse. Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.
- How 'done' do you want your burger? I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."
- A girl was laying almost dead on the street... ...nearly 40 guys rushed to her to perform CPR.
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Cpr One Liners
Which cpr one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cpr? I can suggest the ones about instructor and misuse.
- When does CPR become necrophilia? When you are both stiff
- When does CPR become Necrophlia? When tongue is involved.
- You are now not supposed to give breaths while doing CPR Because of inflation
- Plunging... ...is like performing CPR on your toilet.
- There's nothing quite like CPR in the morning... ...to remind you that you're alive.
- CPR... ...the human equivalent of CTRL ALT DELETE
- If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
- Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to.
He knows CPR. - While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the practice d**... to life.
- s**... is like CPR. Two inches at 100 beats per minute.
Hilarious Cpr Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about cpr you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean firefighter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cpr pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR?
I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except o**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stopped breathing today at a bar...
A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole d**... alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CPR
I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
Due to the cost of living crisis, a paramedic has had to take a second job as a Buzzfeed writer.
Their first article was on the 2 best forms of resuscitation.
Number 1 was CPR,
Number 2... WILL SHOCK YOU
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out Help, does anyone know CPR?! Yes! I cried. They're three letters in the alphabet! Everyone laughed
Well, except for o**..., I guess he didn't get the joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At what point...
At what point does CPR become necrophilia?
Heh.
Heh.
When you're both stiff.
First post here :D
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to perform CPR on my girlfriend during s**... last night.
When she's half-inflated it's just not the same.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yesterday I broke an old woman's kneecaps during CPR.
In First Aid class they told us to press between the n**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I learned CPR so I could save a life one day... Maybe I went too far...
Either way, I don't think I'm going to be invited to another f**... any time soon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two doctors were having s**... when suddenly...
Two doctors were having s**... when suddenly... the male doctor, in the moment, says to the female doctor,
**"Wow, you must be a Gynecologist, you *really* know how to use that thing..."**
The female doctor responds,
**"Thanks! You must be an anesthesiologist."**
The male doctor replies,
**"Really? What makes you say that?"**
She retorts,
**"Because I can't seem to feel a thing!"**
_______________________________
I hadn't heard this before, and it came from an EMT/Paramedic training my staff for CPR. I got a good chuckle out of it, thought I would share.
A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven...
St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven.
The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots."
So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five."
The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"
"That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?"
"Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."
