Cpr Jokes

45 cpr jokes and hilarious cpr puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cpr that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out these hilarious jokes about CPR! From flirty CPR to certified EMTs, learn to laugh with these tongue-in-cheek jokes that will have everyone in stitches. Plus, find out why wept breaststroke is the funniest of them all!

Funniest Cpr Short Jokes

Short cpr jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cpr humour may include short save jokes also.

  1. How is marriage and CPR training the same? You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again
  2. My dad always believed in learning things by doing them so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake
    just so he could teach himself CPR
  3. At what point... At what point does CPR become necrophilia?
    When you're both stiff.
    First post here :D
  4. Taking that CPR class before Highschool... Led me to believe that choking and strokes would have occurred more often that I thought.
  5. North Korean doctors when giving their leader a CPR be like : Kim Jong Un.. *Dos.. Tres...*
  6. Facebook is promising to protect users from data misuse. Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.
  7. How 'done' do you want your burger? I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."
  8. Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
  9. A girl was laying almost dead on the street... ...nearly 40 guys rushed to her to perform CPR.
  10. I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR? I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except o**....

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Cpr One Liners

Which cpr one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cpr? I can suggest the ones about instructor and misuse.

  1. When does CPR become necrophilia? When you are both stiff
  2. At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you both get hard.
  3. When does CPR become Necrophlia? When tongue is involved.
  4. You are now not supposed to give breaths while doing CPR Because of inflation
  5. Plunging... like performing CPR on your toilet.
  6. There's nothing quite like CPR in the morning... remind you that you're alive.
  7. CPR... ...the human equivalent of CTRL ALT DELETE
  8. If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
  9. Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to.
    He knows CPR.
  10. While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the practice d**... to life.
  11. s**... is like CPR. Two inches at 100 beats per minute.
  12. Do you know what happened when Chuck Norris learned CPR? He brought the d**... to life.
  13. While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice d**... to life.

Cpr joke

Hilarious Cpr Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about cpr you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean firefighter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cpr pranks.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this o**....

I was at a bar the other day, when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled...

"Does anyone know CPR!?"
I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet!" and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.
Well, except for this o**....

Was sitting at a bar drinking a margarita when...

a waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back "I know the whole alphabet!" And we just laughed and laughed and laughed.....well except for o**....

A bartender yells Does anyone know CPR?

h**... I know the whole alphabet! I shouted.
The whole bar laughed except for o**...

I walk into a bar...

... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except o**......

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear,

"Does anyone know CPR?"
I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"
We all laughed and laughed...except o**....

A man stopped breathing today at a bar...

A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole d**... alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...

I was drinking a margarita at the bar....

And a woman screamed "Does anyone know CPR?!"
I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for o**....

I was in a bar getting drunk last night, when the bartender shouted out, Does anyone know CPR? I shouted back, I do, in fact, I know the entire alphabet! Everyone in the bar laughed and laughed...

Well, all except for o**......

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"


I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

Due to the cost of living crisis, a paramedic has had to take a second job as a Buzzfeed writer.

Their first article was on the 2 best forms of resuscitation.
Number 1 was CPR,

Number 2... WILL SHOCK YOU

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out Help, does anyone know CPR?! Yes! I cried. They're three letters in the alphabet! Everyone laughed

Well, except for o**..., I guess he didn't get the joke.

A man was having a heart attack at a bar

When a patron yelled out, "Does anyone know CPR", the place went silent, then a drunk at the back yelled out "I do... I even know the whole alphabet". Everybody laughed. Well except for this o**....

So i was at this bar

And the bar tender yelled "Does anyone know CPR!?" I yelled back "Yeah I do, and I know the rest of the alphabet too!" Everybody in the bar laughed....Except o**....

Cpr joke, Plunging...

jokes about cpr