Cows Jokes
142 cows jokes and hilarious cows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article brings you a collection of funny cow jokes. Whether you're looking for a good pun to share with the family while at the farm or just want a good chuckle, you'll definitely get a kick out of these two-cow jokes! Get ready to milk some laughs with some hilarious heifer puns and udder nonsense.
Quick Jump To
- Short Cows Jokes
- Cows One Liners
- You Have Two Cows Jokes
- Two Cows Jokes
- Cows Udder Jokes
- Cows Fed Jokes
- More Cows Jokes
Funniest Cows Short Jokes
Short cows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cows humour may include short cattle jokes also.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma. - The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife...?
He says, "meat patty".
I am very sorry. - I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..." "It's pasture bedtime!
- What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus? An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee
- What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
- My wife left me for an Indian guy It's okay, I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows
- I was having dinner at my boss's house. His wife said "How many potatoes would you like?"
I said "Just one please."
She said "Oh come on, don't be so polite!"
I said "Ok. Just one, you ugly cow." - My 4 year old actually got me with this one 4 y/o: "Knock knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
4 y/o: "Interrupting cow goes"
Me: "Interrupting cow go-"
4 y/o: "MOOOOOOOO!" - A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97 So he rounded them up.
- What does the narcissistic cow say? "Meeeeee!"
I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.
Share These Cows Jokes With Friends
Cows One Liners
Which cows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cows? I can suggest the ones about bovine cow and dairy cow.
- What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? Can't milk a cow for 21 years.
- Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows? [remooved]
- What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
- Where do you find a cow with no legs? Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
- Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
- How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning? Medium rare.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.
- Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes? Moo
- Are these gay cows, daddy? No, they're bison.
- How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they.... lactose.....
- I had to quit my vegetarian diet Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
- You'll never hear a hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke... They consider cows to be sacred.
- What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated
- In what state are most cows found in? Solid
You Have Two Cows Jokes
Here is a list of funny you have two cows jokes and even better you have two cows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - Two cows were talking in a field.. One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".
- Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
- Two cows got in a fight.. One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward. - What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - Two cows are eating grass in a field The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"
The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that" - Two cows Two cows were chatting in a field. One says to the other, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me happy I'm a penguin.
Two Cows Jokes
Here is a list of funny two cows jokes and even better two cows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!" - Two cows are standing in a barn. Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter. - Two cows are standing in a field ...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"
- What's the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can't milk a cow for two thousand years...
- Two cows Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat". - Two cows in a field. One asks should I be worried about mad cow's disease ? Well I'm not , the other replies, ...because I'm a squirrel!
- Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?" The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
- Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
* What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
* What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother - Two cows are standing around talking... "Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! Thank god we're elephants." - Two cows are standing in a field… One cow says to the other What do you think about the mad cow disease?
The other cow responds why should I care? I'm a helicopter
Cows Udder Jokes
Here is a list of funny cows udder jokes and even better cows udder puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk? None. There is udder silence.
- What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out) - I'm just milking it now. Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder. - My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
- What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? An udder failure.
- Cows are amazing Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder. - What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk? An udder failure.
- Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster.
Cows Fed Jokes
Here is a list of funny cows fed jokes and even better cows fed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you get sharp cheddar cheese from cows? You gotta make sure they're glass fed.
- Before the annual cattle fest, I fed the cows some 'quality grass' The steaks have never been higher
- What did the farmer say after he fed his cows p**...? "the Steaks are high."
- What did the f**... cow say to the farmer who fed him? Gassy a**...
- USDA approves shipment of m**...-fed cows' beef Analytical studies show that the steaks are high
Uproarious Cows Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about cows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean milking cow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cows pranks.
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
Why do cows wear bells?
because their horns don't work.
What is cowhide mostly used for?
Keeping cows from falling apart.
Where do Cows get their medicine from?
The Farmacy.
Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.
One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."
A series of cow jokes
Q: What do you call a sleeping cow?
A: A bull-dozer
Q: How does a farmer count his cows?
A: With a cowculator
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work
Q: Why don't cows have money?
A: The farmers milk them dry
Q: What's a grumpy cow called?
A: Moooody
A joke I just invented (I think!)
I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
How does a farmer count his cows??
with a Cowculator!!
A farmer was counting his cows....
A farmer was counting his cows and initially only counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
What do cows drink joke
Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?
A Farmer and his cows
A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
Why don't cows smoke w**...?
The steaks would just be too high.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lac tose
The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his m**... crop.
The steaks were high.
Why did the cows come back to the m**... field?
The p**... was calling the cattle back
What's the main use for leather in the world?
Holding cows together
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"
Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".
Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"
Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"
Manager: "No sir it's a different cow every time."
Man looks back to wife: "You see!"
I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.
I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"
Did you know the Mods on this sub are actually cows? Evidence listed below.
[remooved]
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of m**... on cows...
The steaks had never been higher.
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
"So what kind of work do you do?"
"I move cows"
"Oh , so you're a rancher?"
"Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"
The rancher had 196 cows
But when he rounded them up he had 200
My girl left me for a Hindu guy.
It's okay thought, he'll treat her better. They worship cows.
How do you get 500 cows into a barn?
Put a bingo sign on it.
Why is ground beef so popular?
Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.
My cows broke out of their pasture, and started grazing in my m**... field.
The steaks have never been higher.
"Look! A flock of cows!"
"Look! A flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What was that?"
"Herd of cows..."
"Well of course I've heard of cows."
There's a whole flock of them right over there!"
A farmer had 196 cows in his field
When he rounded them up he had 200
What did the momma cow say to her baby cows?
It's pasture bedtime
People say Cows are Dumb
But I've never seen one that wasn't out standing in its field.
I accidentally let my cows graze in a patch of m**..., and if anyone finds out I could lose everything.
The steaks have never been higher.
Dad, are those gay cows? .....
No, they're Bison
A blonde was touring a farm...
...and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?"
"There are many reasons why a cow doesn't have horns," began the farmer. "Some cows are bred to be hornless. On some cows, the horns come in later. Sometimes, the horns are removed. And on some cows, the horns fall off. That particular cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse."
How does a farmer find new cows to buy?
He browses through a cattlelog.
Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They're always raising the steaks.
My girlfriend dumped me for an indian
At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
My cows just wandered into a field of m**...
The steaks have never been so high.
If you notice cows sleeping in a field...
does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)
what are cows knees called?
burger joints
Why do farmers put bells on their cows?
Because their horns don't work.
(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)
Two cows are standing in a field
The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter
farmer: how many cows got out?
**me:** seventeen
**farmer:** round 'em up
**me:** ok twenty
Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.
Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?
Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.
One of the only jokes I know
What a cute bunch of cows!
It's not a bunch, it's a herd
Heard of what?
Herd of cows
Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!
No, a cow herd
What do I care what a cow heard?
Sorry if it's lame
A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?
Moo York.
A rancher went out to round up his 297 cows
He ended up with 300.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
Because they lactose
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
What do evil cows say?
Moo ha ha.
A couple of cows were smoking w**... and playing poker
The steaks were high.
What do you call a funny group of cows?
a laughing stock
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?"
The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"
Do you know why cows have hooves?
Because they lactose...
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
Three cows were playing poker while smoking w**...
The steaks were high.
