The Best 88 Cows Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Cows jokes. There are some cows oxen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cows moo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Cows Jokes and Puns
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
When do cows go to sleep?
When it's pasture bedtime
Why do cows wear bells?
because their horns don't work.
What is cowhide mostly used for?
Keeping cows from falling apart.
Where do Cows get their medicine from?
The Farmacy.
Irish cream
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. " The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "
Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.
One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."
A series of cow jokes
Q: What do you call a sleeping cow?
A: A bull-dozer
Q: How does a farmer count his cows?
A: With a cowculator
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work
Q: Why don't cows have money?
A: The farmers milk them dry
Q: What's a grumpy cow called?
A: Moooody
Two cows are standing on a hill....
One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A joke I just invented (I think!)
I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
You can explore cows udder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cows bulls dad jokes. There are also cows puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
911?
Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."
911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."
A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.
He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"
How does a farmer count his cows??
with a Cowculator!!
My wife left me for an Indian guy
It's okay, I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows
A farmer was counting his cows....
A farmer was counting his cows and initially only counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
What do cows drink joke
Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they.... lactose.....
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
A Farmer and his cows
A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
Why don't cows smoke weed?
The steaks would just be too high.
Two cows are grazing in a field...
One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lac tose
Two cows walk into a vegan bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
Two cows are standing in a barn.
Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work
8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here
The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his marijuana crop.
The steaks were high.
Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?
The pot was calling the cattle back
What's the main use for leather in the world?
Holding cows together
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"
Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".
Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"
Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"
Manager: "No sir it's a different cow every time."
Man looks back to wife: "You see!"
How often does an oriental farmer milk his cows?
Dairy
I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.
I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"
Did you know the Mods on this sub are actually cows? Evidence listed below.
[remooved]
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of marijuana on cows...
The steaks had never been higher.
Two cows were talking in a field..
One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
How do you call a cow with no legs?
You don't, because cows don't have phones.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
"So what kind of work do you do?"
"I move cows"
"Oh , so you're a rancher?"
"Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"
Two cows are eating grass in a field
The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"
The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that"
The rancher had 196 cows
But when he rounded them up he had 200
In what state are most cows found in?
Solid
My girl left me for a Hindu guy.
It's okay thought, he'll treat her better. They worship cows.
How do you get 500 cows into a barn?
Put a bingo sign on it.
Why is ground beef so popular?
Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.
I had to quit my vegetarian diet
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
My cows broke out of their pasture, and started grazing in my marijuana field.
The steaks have never been higher.
"Look! A flock of cows!"
"Look! A flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What was that?"
"Herd of cows..."
"Well of course I've heard of cows."
There's a whole flock of them right over there!"
You'll never hear a Hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke...
They consider cows to be sacred.
A farmer had 196 cows in his field
When he rounded them up he had 200
Two cows got in a fight..
One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward.
What did the momma cow say to her baby cows?
It's pasture bedtime
People say Cows are Dumb
But I've never seen one that wasn't out standing in its field.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.
I accidentally let my cows graze in a patch of marijuana, and if anyone finds out I could lose everything.
The steaks have never been higher.
Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows?
[remooved]
Are these gay cows, daddy?
No, they're bison.
Dad, are those gay cows? .....
No, they're Bison
I'm just milking it now.
Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
A blonde was touring a farm...
...and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?"
"There are many reasons why a cow doesn't have horns," began the farmer. "Some cows are bred to be hornless. On some cows, the horns come in later. Sometimes, the horns are removed. And on some cows, the horns fall off. That particular cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse."
Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?
Moo
A boy who lived in a farm woke up and wanted breakfast (NSFW)
His mother said he had to do his chores first.
So went out and feed the pigs but kicked them as he left.
Then he collected the eggs from the chickens but gave them a kick as he left.
After that he milked the cows but made sure to kick them as well.
When he came back in his mother gave him a dry bowl of ceral.
The boy asked "where's the milk for my ceral and my bacon and eggs?"
His mother replied "you kicked the cows so no milk, you kicked the chickens so no eggs and you kicked the pigs so no bacon".
The boy's father then came down and kicked the cat.
The boys said to his mother "do you want to tell him or shall I?"
How does a farmer find new cows to buy?
He browses through a cattlelog.
Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They're always raising the steaks.
My girlfriend dumped me for an indian
At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
My cows just wandered into a field of Marijuana
The steaks have never been so high.
If you notice cows sleeping in a field...
does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)
what are cows knees called?
burger joints
Why do farmers put bells on their cows?
Because their horns don't work.
(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)
Two cows are standing in a field
The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter
Cows are amazing
Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
farmer: how many cows got out?
**me:** seventeen
**farmer:** round 'em up
**me:** ok twenty
Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.
Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?
Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.
One of the only jokes I know
What a cute bunch of cows!
It's not a bunch, it's a herd
Heard of what?
Herd of cows
Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!
No, a cow herd
What do I care what a cow heard?
Sorry if it's lame
I told my daughter, "Go to bed. The cows are in the field."
Puzzled, she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I told her, "That means it's pasture bedtime!"
A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?
Moo York.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One of them says, "There's been rumors going around about a 'Mad Cow Disease.' Do you think it's real?"
The other cow says, "I don't care! I'm a helicopter!"
A rancher went out to round up his 297 cows
He ended up with 300.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
Because they lactose
A cowboy asked me if I could help round up 18 cows,
I replied 'Of course, that'll be 20 cows'
I asked a farmer how much 50 cows excrete in a year and he said its 1000 kg
Thats a ton of bullshit !
There's two cows talking in a field.
The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"
The first cow says "Holy shit! A talking dog!"
Two cows are grazing together.
The first looks over to the second and asks, Did you hear about the recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease?
The second continues his grazing, unconcerned. Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!
Why wouldn't the cattle rancher take the bet that he could raise his cows on marijuana instead of actual grass?
The steaks were too high.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cows pasture jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cows lactose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.