Coworkers Jokes

Following is our collection of mumble puns and girlfriend one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coworkers jokes for adults, dirty boss jokes and clean employe dad gags for kids.

The Best Coworkers Puns

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much oral sex she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers

So I just stared at him until he apologized.

TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine.

oops wrong sub.


David was hard at work...

it was really quite awkward for his coworkers.

Drugs are a lot like my coworkers

My wife does most of them

Told my co-workers this joke about mandatory meetings.

You really had to be there.

While planning a potluck at work, one of my coworkers asked if we had any vegans on the team.

I told her probably not. They would have let us know several times by now.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

A BLONDE'S THEFT

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"


Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers...

...they stole all the green cards.

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

I genuinely complemented on a coworkers moustache,

Now she's making a big deal with HR about it.

Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...

One of them says to the other:

"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."

"Well, what did he say?"

"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."

"That doesnt sound too bad."

"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"

I think of my co-workers as a second family

Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them

My boss says I intimidate my coworkers

I just stared at him until he said he was sorry.

Which Roman emperor loved planes the most?

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooo.
 

So I hit my coworkers with this one at work today, and they hated it. Never heard it before so not sure if someone else made it up first, but I'm sure you good peoples would know.

Husband...Before I die I need to confess something. Wife..Sssshhh now there's nothing to confess everything is all right.

Husband.. No I must die in peace. I slept with your sister your best friend and two of your co-workers.

Wife..I know. That's why I poisoned you. Rest now.


My co-workers are like my Christmas lights…

Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.

I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache

I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

Half my coworkers are imposters

They pretend to do the tasks and sabotage everything.

City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week.

They issued a government mandate.

My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.

I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.

I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Child to Work day.

As we were walking around, she started crying and getting quite cranky, so i asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round she sobbed:

"Daddy where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"

I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"

because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.

Irish Jokes Megathread

Post all of your Irish, St. Patrick's Day, or good ol' Emerald Isle jokes for the day here! I'd like to share some with coworkers.

"I'm 29 years old today..."

"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.

Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...

"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.

"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."

"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."

(based on a true story)

I have never considered any of my coworkers as dating material

...until the boss said "We are a family".

I had to quit my job at the Elmer's Glue factory...

I was getting too attached to my coworkers... I couldn't separate myself from my work.

Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked

Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week.

What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a hump?

Humphrey!

I work in tech support and one of my co-workers drowned last week...

we buried him in rice and he came back a day later!

My father died today at work...

he worked at the brewery and fell into a beer tank. All the co-workers rushed to help him and to get him out, but despite their best efforts my dad managed to fight them all back and then drowned.

Been getting strange looks from my coworkers today.

Guess I better put my pants back on.

Why are cows such great coworkers?

Because they're out standing in their field.


My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can't stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.

A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute...

The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"

He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch"

Whenever a job interviewer asks what my strongest trait is, I tell them I'm responsible.

Because at my old job whenever something bad happened my coworkers would always say, Eric is responsible.

You know what they say about non sequiturs...

I LOVE pineapple upside down cake!

(I just made this up today, and I'm so proud. I told my coworkers, but they told me to stop doing drugs.)

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day...

Teach a man to microwave a fish and he'll lose the respect of all his co-workers.

After watching her daily for a few months I finally gathered courage to go talk to her.

Me: I think you are cute, how about we go watch a movie and dinner later tonite?

Her: Sorry, but I don't think coworkers are allowed to date per HR policy.


Me: that should not be a problem as I don't think of you as a coworker. I never see you doing any work.

Did you see the video of the guy making out with the lady with the Zika Virus?

Yeah, apparently it went viral.

I know this is awful, but my coworkers laughed... so I got that going for me.

Coworker: You're an idiot. Me: Nobody talks to me that way except...

My mother
My father
My wife
My wife's family
Small children
Large children

And now I guess my coworkers....

The Valentine's Day Blonde

A woman receives a huge bouquet of flowers from her boyfriend at the office and is clearly upset about it. Her co-workers ask what's wrong.

She replies, very annoyed: "This is just great. Now I guess I'll have to spend the whole evening on my back, with my legs in the air!"

The blonde says, "That's awful! Don't you have a vase?"

Edward Jack gets a job...

Edward Jack gets a job at an average-paying office. He's popular among his co-workers, and his boss who speaks rough english. He fired a guy buy saying, You no job good! Since the boss can't pronounce Edward well, he calls him E. Jack.

One day Edward woke up late, got stuck in traffic, and was late to work. He got yelled at by his boss who said, E. JACK! YOU LATE!

All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin.

I think it's a staff infection.

A man came to work on a monday morning upon which one of his coworkers asked "looks like you had a rough weekend Michael....

- don't even joke about it, me Chris and James was drinking at a bar and afterwards we went home to Chris' girlfriend and had a threesome.

- ....you mean you had a foursome?

- what? Oh no she wasn't home.

How did the cop break quarantine?

He went clubbing with his coworkers

Coffee Humor

At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee pot. I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."

At a previous job, one of my coworkers would always threaten to leave and just blow glass for a living.

My boss would always respond: I'm gonna change my name to Glass.

Wife comes home late.

Husband jokingly, "Don't tell me you slept with on of your coworkers again"

Wife:

Title goes here

An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up.

Why did you leave that job? asked one co-worker. It was something my boss said, she replied.

What did he say? the co-worker quizzed.

You're fired.

It's my coworkers last day...

A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.

I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!

So I heard a tree service worker tried to stuff one of his coworkers into a wood chipper....

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he doesn't have a shred of decency .

I don't understand why my coworkers get so upset when I joke about medical issues. Yesterday I made one about multiple sclerosis...

and that *really* got people bent out of shape.

My coworkers at the powerplant have been so confident lately

Must be that Big Duke Energy

My coworkers and I are trying the new Ethiopian place for lunch. It's called...

Hungry.

How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble.....

I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
My response was well do you still use condoms as birth control?

This one got my coworkers

The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like.
I told her "The plain chips would be fine.
She says "They are all plane chips, sir."

My (black) coworkers informed me that black people can't get lice?

"You know what else they can't get? Good jobs." I received a write-up :(

Did you hear about the pornstar that died while on the set?

Her co-workers have been taking it pretty hard.

My 4 coworkers didn't expect me to hate puns.

I told them, "Really though, I; Jenn, Hugh, Juan, Lee, hate puns.

My coworkers hate when I joke about an active shooter in the building

That one usually kills.

My coworkers always complain because I count in binary

I don't see what's so difficult about it, it's as easy as 01 10 11

My co-workers must be atheists because they hate when I greet them "Merry Christmas!"

It doesn't seem to matter whether I greet them from over or under the bathroom stall.

You thought the co-workers on your floor are happy

That guy coming out of the elevator is on a whole other level

Sometimes I mastubate with my clothes on

But it really freaks out my coworkers

A guy tells his coworkers about his idea for an air freshener that can emulate multiple different smells....

When he asked them if it was confusing, they said, "No, it makes scents."

Stirlitz was hard at work

It was quite awkward for his female coworkers.

My coworkers think I'm from Texas because of my accent

Lemme tell you something, only steers and queers come from Texas. I'm not a steer, and I am *most certainly* not from Texas.

A man got fired for grabbing his co-workers but

It was ok cause harassment a lot to him

How do you call lesbians in winter?

Fur traders

Credit goes to one of my coworkers

...blonde working in a ranch.

* **blonde:* * I don't like the *coworkers*!

The Miss America will no longer judge contestants based on physical appearance

But somehow I'm sexist for spreading this news to coworkers I think would be interested.

I need the second part to this joke. "What did the fish say when it swam in to the wall?" -- Don't upvote this thread.

I know the first part is "Dam." But there's a second part of the joke that one of my old coworkers told me.

What did the fish behind it say?

It was some sort of pun or play on words. I can't remember it for the life of me. Anyone heard the second part?

Sometimes I wish I knew the definitions of certain words before I use them with my coworkers....

I mean who knows the actual definition of the word, niggardly?

Big staff

It would be good if the coworkers became purple after having pressed their hand like links so as not to forget whom I already shook hands with.

Turns out that HR isn't happy that I invited some co-workers over to play a drinking game

I don't see what's so bad about playing devil's triangle with my subordinates

How to tell your boss is a douchebag

I thought it was a very nice gesture of my coworkers when my Dad passed to circulate a card. Then I opened it... all I could do was laugh. What an asshat.

The thing I miss most from my job at the Logitech Mouse Testing Factory:

My coworkers and I really clicked.

Did you hear about the ditch digger who showed up to work hung over?

His clothes were in tatters, he was wearing one sock, and didn't even bring his tools.

His coworkers said he looked deshoveled

What are some towing related jokes i can impress my car club coworkers with?

I've already got that the frog called our car club to get toad, but that's about where my puns end.

There is an abundance of roommate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes and coworkers puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any boyfriend witze you can hear about coworkers.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes