Coworker Jokes

Following is our collection of employe puns and housemate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coworker jokes for adults, dirty homophone jokes and clean managers dad gags for kids.

The Best Coworker Puns

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."

"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."

"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."

"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."

A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said "Free Candy" on the side.

I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.

Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned the airconditioning on.


One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much oral sex she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

A co-worker found out I'm 'semi-retired.' "What's that like?" he asked.

"It's like being semi-erect. It ain't too hard, but you still can't do what you want."

Original content, as far as I know. I actually said this at work today. We laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little.

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.


The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?


The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.


Me: "Do you shower after sex?"

Coworker: "Yes."

Me: "Then you should get laid more often."

New Earring

John is at work one day when he notices that his
co-worker, Zach, is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion".

"Hey Zach" he yells out "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it, ..it's only an
earring." Says Zach sheepishly.

"No really," probes John, "How long have you been wearing one?"

... "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

Turns out my co-worker and I are getting our teeth checked the same day

Isn't that coinciDENTAL?






I'll see myself out

My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending.

(That means I talk down to people.)

My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]

...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

If my coworker had a dollar for every time i made a sexist joke...

She would have Β’0.77

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.

12 years wasted as a veterinarian.


I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...

"Because they make the toys."

Today my coworker fell into the reupholstering machine at work

don't worry, he's fully recovered

A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Yes."

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work.

And that's how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.

She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Bruce. The dwarf."

Hair Fragrance

Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

Need a Break!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office....

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"

He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

I'm going on holiday to Egypt. A coworker told me it can get up to 100 degrees in the shade...

...I'll be staying out of the shade then.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

I was just fired from my job for telling a female co-worker the her hair smelled great.

I think they are discriminating against me because I'm a midget.

I think of my co-workers as a second family

Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a piss'.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

**One.**

**Germans are very efficient and not very funny.**

*Source: My co-worker.*

*I'm German and I approve this message.*

My co-workers are like my Christmas lights…

Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes.

At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.

Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..

I should be ashamed.

I just overheard a co-worker announce she got tickets to a Nickelback concert.

That's all, she was completely serious.

I told my black coworker that I like to go to sleep listening to white noise. He said "Why does it gotta be white noise with you people?"

I said because I can't go to sleep listening to rap music and gunshots.

With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was.

I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.

I just found out a coworker was just pretending to be my friend.

He was a placebro.

office joke

It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.

What's the definition of irony? (This happened to me today)

Asked a transgender co-worker why he won't upgrade from Windows 7 to 10.



He said he didn't like change.

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;)

*first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

A Walmart pharmacist walks in to relieve her co-worker and sees a man leaning against the shelves.

She asks her co-worker , "What's with that guy over there leaning against the shelves?" He says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. We're out of cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

My co-worker always tells me: "I see dead people"

And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."

My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016.

He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.

Turns out my coworker and I share the same fetish

i quickly realized though we got off on the wrong foot

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

I saw my coworker get crushed by glass.

It looked very paneful.

Accidentally told a joke at work today

Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.

Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"

booskado247: "It's growing on me."

Accidental Comedian strikes again!

My Life Sucks...

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.ο»Ώ

A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee...

That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy...

An attractive co-worker that I've been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.

One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.

My jewish co-worker told me this one

What did the pedophile jew tell the kid? "wanna buy candy?"

My coworker was noodling on an idea

So I offered her a penne for her thoughts

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said

"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied

"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly

"I wanna lick it." I said

She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:

"I knew you'd misunderstand."

Me and a coworker were talking behind our boss' back.

When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

My coworker asked if I liked bread

Honestly, it's my yeast favourite thing.

Courtyard

My coworker wouldn't shut up about the hotel he stayed at

I told him if you love it so much, why don't you Marriot?

The Perfect Man

So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:

Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.

Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?

Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?

Coworker gave the best accidental joke after mentioning why she liked Algebra.

"I love solving for X, and I don't even know why!"

A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning.

I said maybe...

A news reporter introduces his new co-worker on air

This Justin

I saw an old coworker yesterday.

I asked him, "How's the ol' factory?" He told me it smells.

What's better than roses on a piano...

Tulips on an organ.

Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man.

What is the longest word in the English language?

Smiles.

Because it's two S's with a mile in between.


(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)

Movie idea

There should be a hostage movie where instead of holding up a bank or skyscraper, the bad guy is a coworker who keeps asking questions at the end of a meeting.

Leaving work, my coworker said, "Hasta lasagna!"

I replied, "Pasta la vista!"

A coworker is showing a new hire around.

A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. How long have you worked here? the new hire asks.
Ever since they threatened to fire me, the coworker answers.

I want to tell my co-worker that I have really strong feelings for her...

...but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.

The other day, I finally asked my pretty amputee coworker out.

She didn't answer, I guess she was stumped.

What did the cannibal say to his co-worker?

You should stop by later. The missus and I are having people for dinner.

A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm...

A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm and insists that he join everyone for beers.
New guy looks at him, and tells him, my Faith doesn't allow me to drink.
Why the co-worker asks, are you muslim?
No, my wife, Faith, she punches above her weight.

I have a new co-worker, who only has seven toes. I instantly hated him.

Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation.

(Via my coworker)

My Vietnamese coworker slipped and fell in a puddle of oil.

I was going to make a racist joke about it but decided against it, because that's a slippery slope.

A coworker of mine dated a psychic

He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?

A coworker asked me my thoughts on Disband the Police ...

I told him I don't really listen to them much, but I enjoyed their album Synchronicity.

To the coworker that stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you. I will get it back.

You have my Word.

A Target inspired joke

I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.

I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmobile."

I told my coworker that Florence is tremendously big and tremendously wet

He demanded I stop sleeping with his wife

Difference between a therapist and a gossipy coworker

Your therapist psychoanalyzes you, then reveals the results to no one except you.


Your gossipy coworker psychoanalyzes you, then reveals the results to everyone except you.

There is an abundance of fellow jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 84 funniest jokes and coworker puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cubicle witze you can hear about coworker.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes