Following is our collection of employer puns and iphone one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cowork jokes for adults, dirty lines jokes and clean status dad gags for kids.
I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.
She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.
"Your parents when you move out."
"It's like being semi-erect. It ain't too hard, but you still can't do what you want."
Original content, as far as I know. I actually said this at work today. We laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little.
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"
He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."
(True story)
(That means I talk down to people.)
She would have ¢0.77
He's a mean person!
And that's how I learned he was a necrophiliac.
The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."
Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them
Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.
He's likes to work hard in the mornings
And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."
He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
It looked very paneful.
That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy...
So I offered her a penne for her thoughts
When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".
And I said : "Yes, yes we did".
"Hey what's up?" she said
"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied
"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly
"I wanna lick it." I said
She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:
"I knew you'd misunderstand."
Honestly, it's my yeast favourite thing.
"I love solving for X, and I don't even know why!"
A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. How long have you worked here? the new hire asks.
Ever since they threatened to fire me, the coworker answers.
I asked him, "How's the ol' factory?" He told me it smells.
I said maybe...
I will find you. I will get it back.
You have my Word.
A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm and insists that he join everyone for beers.
New guy looks at him, and tells him, my Faith doesn't allow me to drink.
Why the co-worker asks, are you muslim?
No, my wife, Faith, she punches above her weight.
...but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?
Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.
I told him I don't really listen to them much, but I enjoyed their album Synchronicity.
I told him it was tasteless
He's the new temp.
Because there is nothing funny about a midget shortage.
I said, "Then why are you here?"
But I know a guy that one-ups people's stories way more.
I was going to make a joke about it, but decided it would be in poor taste.
It really ruined the family buisness
I told her it was probably because they were easier to steal than vacuums
Sounds like the PC-bo effect to me . . .
I told her to go fork herself.
My mother
My father
My wife
My wife's family
Small children
Large children
And now I guess my coworkers....
I won't stand for this.
I think it's a staff infection.
Because he had a heart on.
She said, "You'll get it in 8 years."
She asked me to wait and went into her bedroom. When she called me in, the entire department was there and sang "He's a jolly good fellow." Boy, I'd have been totally off my socks if that wasn't the only thing I still had on.
Must be that Big Duke Energy
I said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not actually pronounced that way..."
He said "Why, do you have a cold too?"
I replied "No, just lonely."
...he complained that after Lemmy's death we didn't have any tribute music. I pointed out that would be slightly inappropriate, as Lemmy wrote about taking drugs and blacking out, whilst David Bowie wrote whilst taking drugs and blacking out.
A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.
I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!
I told him to pick on someone his own size
Me:The Eagles won last night
Co Worker: Oh you watched the game
Me: Covered in blood and scratches what game?
Hey Andrea, you didn't introduced yourself to me, but i figure out ur surname.. more or less..
Her name is Arial and I really think she's my type
Hungry.
total ohm-bre.
Neighbor
He's the new temp!
I won't lie. It was mostly intense.
He said "Yes, as a matter of fact."
(True story)
I told him to wait till after work because the joke was obviously going to be NSEW
The poor thing. It must be shattered.
He said he take care of it, but I told him I should keep it since I'm the one that did the circumcision.
I told her she should break the habit
...as he gets more dehydrated.
(True story)
Then I said, "You're nuts to pass up a grape deal like that!"
The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like.
I told her "The plain chips would be fine.
She says "They are all plane chips, sir."
That one usually kills.
He makes no cents.
So the next day, I wore tap shoes to work.
I don't see what's so difficult about it, it's as easy as 01 10 11
Me: Neigh
I told them, "Really though, I; Jenn, Hugh, Juan, Lee, hate puns.
This morning he walked up to me and asked what is with all the news story on Donald Trump contracting aids from Russian agents...
It doesn't seem to matter whether I greet them from over or under the bathroom stall.
I was pretty sad I came in second place.
I responded with "Well they did come out of the closet today."
Then you only have to decide who gets the top half, who gets the bottom.
She told me anything would be good besides dessert because everyone was bringing some. I told her I already had cookies in mind and she shot it down instantly asking instead that I bring an entre. So I turned around with a straight face and replied "But cookies are on trays."
There is an abundance of autocorrect jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes and cowork puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any roommate witze you can hear about cowork.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.