Cowork Jokes

Following is our collection of employer puns and iphone one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cowork jokes for adults, dirty lines jokes and clean status dad gags for kids.

The Best Cowork Puns

A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said "Free Candy" on the side.

I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.

One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much oral sex she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

A co-worker found out I'm 'semi-retired.' "What's that like?" he asked.

"It's like being semi-erect. It ain't too hard, but you still can't do what you want."

Original content, as far as I know. I actually said this at work today. We laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little.

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)


My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending.

(That means I talk down to people.)

If my coworker had a dollar for every time i made a sexist joke...

She would have Β’0.77

My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average

He's a mean person!

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work.

And that's how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

I think of my co-workers as a second family

Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them


My co-workers are like my Christmas lights…

Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

My co-worker always tells me: "I see dead people"

And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."

My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016.

He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.

I saw my coworker get crushed by glass.

It looked very paneful.

A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee...

That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy...

My coworker was noodling on an idea

So I offered her a penne for her thoughts

Me and a coworker were talking behind our boss' back.

When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".


My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said

"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied

"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly

"I wanna lick it." I said

She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:

"I knew you'd misunderstand."

My coworker asked if I liked bread

Honestly, it's my yeast favourite thing.

Coworker gave the best accidental joke after mentioning why she liked Algebra.

"I love solving for X, and I don't even know why!"

A coworker is showing a new hire around.

A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. How long have you worked here? the new hire asks.
Ever since they threatened to fire me, the coworker answers.

I saw an old coworker yesterday.

I asked him, "How's the ol' factory?" He told me it smells.

A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning.

I said maybe...

To the coworker that stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you. I will get it back.

You have my Word.

A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm...

A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm and insists that he join everyone for beers.
New guy looks at him, and tells him, my Faith doesn't allow me to drink.
Why the co-worker asks, are you muslim?
No, my wife, Faith, she punches above her weight.

I want to tell my co-worker that I have really strong feelings for her...

...but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.

A coworker of mine dated a psychic

He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?

I have a new co-worker, who only has seven toes. I instantly hated him.

Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.

A coworker asked me my thoughts on Disband the Police ...

I told him I don't really listen to them much, but I enjoyed their album Synchronicity.

A coworker made a joke about carbon monoxide poisoning…

I told him it was tasteless

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He's the new temp.

So a coworker of mine made a joke about midgets going extinct. And I was offended!

Because there is nothing funny about a midget shortage.

My co-worker came up to me and said, "hey, you look so unapproachable"

I said, "Then why are you here?"

A coworker claims I always have to one-up his stories.

But I know a guy that one-ups people's stories way more.

My coworker got third-degree burns on his tongue.

I was going to make a joke about it, but decided it would be in poor taste.

Me and my coworker was having sex, until we got caught...

It really ruined the family buisness

My coworker asked me why all the Plan B pills kept getting stolen

I told her it was probably because they were easier to steal than vacuums

My coworker claimed his computer was slow, so I put an unplugged computer tower next to him. He reported blazing speeds the next day

Sounds like the PC-bo effect to me . . .

A coworker just asked me to grab a fork and stab her in the neck.

I told her to go fork herself.

Coworker: You're an idiot. Me: Nobody talks to me that way except...

My mother
My father
My wife
My wife's family
Small children
Large children

And now I guess my coworkers....

My coworker keeps trying to blatantly steal my chair while I'm supposed to be working.

I won't stand for this.

All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin.

I think it's a staff infection.

Why did the coworker get charged with sexual harassment on Valentine's Day?

Because he had a heart on.

My coworker made a masturbation joke that I didn't understand, so I said, "Explain Like I'm 5."

She said, "You'll get it in 8 years."

A co-worker invited me to her home for my 10th company anniversary.

She asked me to wait and went into her bedroom. When she called me in, the entire department was there and sang "He's a jolly good fellow." Boy, I'd have been totally off my socks if that wasn't the only thing I still had on.

My coworkers at the powerplant have been so confident lately

Must be that Big Duke Energy

A co-worker was bragging that her boyfriend was taking her to Monaco to see the Grand Prix.

I said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not actually pronounced that way..."

A coworker has a cold so he took out a pack of Fisherman's Friend. I told that that's what I need

He said "Why, do you have a cold too?"

I replied "No, just lonely."

My coworker complained about our David Bowie tribute music recently...

...he complained that after Lemmy's death we didn't have any tribute music. I pointed out that would be slightly inappropriate, as Lemmy wrote about taking drugs and blacking out, whilst David Bowie wrote whilst taking drugs and blacking out.

It's my coworkers last day...

A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.

I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!

My co-worker said short dudes have huge dicks

I told him to pick on someone his own size

Me to my coworker

Me:The Eagles won last night

Co Worker: Oh you watched the game

Me: Covered in blood and scratches what game?

So i have this new coworker, her name is Andrea Morales. I went up to her today and said..

Hey Andrea, you didn't introduced yourself to me, but i figure out ur surname.. more or less..

I met this cowork yesterday

Her name is Arial and I really think she's my type

My coworkers and I are trying the new Ethiopian place for lunch. It's called...

Hungry.

My coworker is a Mexican electrical engineer…

total ohm-bre.

My co-worker just dropped this on me, thought I share. What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

A coworker of mine, Celsuis recently retired. The company hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He's the new temp!

Coworker asked me about my camping trip this past weekend since it stormed.

I won't lie. It was mostly intense.

My co-worker arrivrd at work and I said "Hi".

He said "Yes, as a matter of fact."

(True story)

My co-worker wanted to tell me a joke about compasses and maps the other day...

I told him to wait till after work because the joke was obviously going to be NSEW

My Coworker Dropped A Plate Today

The poor thing. It must be shattered.

My coworker was arguing with me over the tip

He said he take care of it, but I told him I should keep it since I'm the one that did the circumcision.

My coworker looked like a nun today

I told her she should break the habit

I have a coworker whose humour gets drier

...as he gets more dehydrated.

(True story)

My coworker asked if I had any nuts. I offered grapes and they turned me down...

Then I said, "You're nuts to pass up a grape deal like that!"

This one got my coworkers

The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like.
I told her "The plain chips would be fine.
She says "They are all plane chips, sir."

My coworkers hate when I joke about an active shooter in the building

That one usually kills.

A coworker of mine went on a nonsensical tirade today about how it was an outrage that he is paid entirely in large amounts of $100 bills.

He makes no cents.

My coworker asked me if I could be any more annoying...

So the next day, I wore tap shoes to work.

My coworkers always complain because I count in binary

I don't see what's so difficult about it, it's as easy as 01 10 11

Coworker: Have you heard me when I sound hoarse?

Me: Neigh

My 4 coworkers didn't expect me to hate puns.

I told them, "Really though, I; Jenn, Hugh, Juan, Lee, hate puns.

So my coworker is not a native english speaker...

This morning he walked up to me and asked what is with all the news story on Donald Trump contracting aids from Russian agents...

My co-workers must be atheists because they hate when I greet them "Merry Christmas!"

It doesn't seem to matter whether I greet them from over or under the bathroom stall.

A coworker and myself had a competition to see who was more sensitive

I was pretty sad I came in second place.

My coworker said my clothes looked gay.

I responded with "Well they did come out of the closet today."

My coworker couldn't decide which grandparents should be her 2 children's legal guardians, so I said to split them up.

Then you only have to decide who gets the top half, who gets the bottom.

My coworker asked me what I'd bring to our Halloween potluck...

She told me anything would be good besides dessert because everyone was bringing some. I told her I already had cookies in mind and she shot it down instantly asking instead that I bring an entre. So I turned around with a straight face and replied "But cookies are on trays."

There is an abundance of autocorrect jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes and cowork puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any roommate witze you can hear about cowork.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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